Krista Posted February 19, 2005 Report Share Posted February 19, 2005 Hi again! I haven`t posted anything here for a long time and I thought that I might do that. When it comes to the poem though - what can I do, I`m a patriot:) I have to apologise for the primitivity of the poem though.....With this poem I also want to say happy birthday to my country:) I stand in the light of shooting stars and look at you, and look at you. My shining moon in the sky so dark, hear my song, it`s meant for you! When you are far away from me, I long for you, I long for you. Just to you I want to flee and sing my song to you. You make me happy when I`m sad - I think of you, I think of you. You make me better when I`m bad, please hear my song for you! I`d save you from whatever threat, I`d fight for you, I`d fight for you. Only friends are who I`d let to sing that song to you. So hear me singing with great love this song for you, this song for you, my little sweet Estonia - I`ll always be true to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted March 13, 2005 Report Share Posted March 13, 2005 I like this poem, Krista. The patriotic message and tone of devotion that it gets across are heartfelt, and the uses of repetition work well in driving across a rhythm and establishing a structure for the work. I particularly like the second stanza, as the notion of only wanting to escape to Estonia is a strong one. In terms of potential improvements: the lines "Only friends are who I`d let/ to sing that song to you" in the fourth stanza struck me as a bit awkward in phrasing, and you might want to make it grammatically correct by dropping "to" or editting it in some other way. Also, the final line of the first stanza seems to have a different rhythm than the other lines due to the comma, and you may want to consider revising it. Once again, nice work. :-) I could envision this being sung as a patriotic anthem of sorts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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