sweetnightmare Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 Greetings, i know i am new. Please bare with me... here is something i have written.... When you entered my world Black was the only light Every thing was dark and cold This is how it was tolled Pay the price The ferry is waiting No passengers is it taking When the dark black enfolds White like an angel Blue eyes like the sea Inside, you are something like me The only difference I can barely see It is the sparkling light That you shine every night Very white,bright sparkling light Pay the price The ferry is waiting No passengers is it taking When the dark black abyss enfolds Black like the tar of the earth Black and red like the coals on a fire burning inside out Pain Left wanting Left alone In the dark Paying the price Already rolled the dice The ferry is waiting No passengers is it taking When i come to ride the tail White lights from the heavens Marked with the craft of caring Ceiled with the crest of love Reaching for the sky The land up above Black and white how can they mix? The gray they will become Who is willing to pay that price To roll the dice and sacrfice for a tainted me? The Ferry is waiting No passengers is it taking When the gray enfolds Now in heaven and above Down to the face of the earth The rain drop tears are felt From a black that mixed with white And the hand they both are dealt One nor the other is the same as before The music is a whole different score But together, now and forever They will never sever Because now, not black and white They are gray together Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted January 5, 2005 Report Share Posted January 5, 2005 (I'm low on caffeine atm, so bare with me too kay? ) First off, Welcom to the pen! *traditional welcoming hug* Your poem is longer then I usually can read, but I did it and I felt like I was in some strange pshychedelic REM-style video-clip. (was it REM? Something like that anyways) You have somewhat vivid imagery inthere which is quite lovely. Like the Ferry, always reminding me of the ferry across the river Styx. It could use some tweaking, like almost any poem. But that's what you're here for isn't it? To learn. If you want I could pick it apart, or someone around here better at it then me. But that choice is all up to you For now, I liked reading it, since I happen to like pshychedelic style video-clips too Once more, Welcom to the Pen, sweetnightmare. And I hope you decide to stay here with us and have a good time! *another hug* PS: hugs is something you'll get used to here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetnightmare Posted January 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2005 (edited) ...I am here to learn, do tell me what you think... looks around, then at the figure talking to her* jumps and hugs* then backs away a little uneasy and smiles* ...Yeah, maybe i needed that... It is kind of long, but i think that is because my poems are stories in a way as well... Would it do better to write shorting things? One day i want to be a great writer, now to persue such a thing.. You can help me, i am willing :woot: Edited January 5, 2005 by sweetnightmare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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