Vigil StarGazer Posted December 19, 2004 Report Share Posted December 19, 2004 The following includes scenes of violence and mature content, viewers discretions is adviced: Santa Claws' "The Night before Christmas" "Twas the night before christmas, when all through the town Not a creature was stirring, fear was all around. Dread was hung in the air here and there, those who stayed was on courage and dare. Women and children were hidden in holes lamenting and praying for their souls And Mamma cuddle children in their laps pale cold hands on small mouths, tightly claps When out on the lawn there arose such evil laughter I sprang from shock to see what was the matter. Away to the source the menfolk, toward they dash Torn up bodies and gory blood by brutal slash. The moon shourn glistering on blood-covered snow the town gate was busted in, by one brutal blow. When, what our worst nightmare has finally appear, A full out carnage, and screams is all I hear. With a bloodied screwdriver, so lethal and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St.Nick. More rapid then death in hordes they came, And he crackled, and howled, and call each beast by name; "Now, SLASHER! now, SLICER!, now, PINCER and HEXEN! On, VOMIT! on STUPID, GONER and SCHISM! To the end of the town, to surround them all! Now kill them! Kill them! Kill them all!" As sheep flees before the wolves hurried by, When Reinbeast meet resistances, they make sure they die. So from household to household they slew, With their fur mixed with blood, and St. Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each devilish hoof As I drew my sword, and was turing around, St Nickolas was beside me, already stood his ground. He was covered with fur, from his head to his foot and his sack was all filled with all sorts of loot. dismembered head he had filled in his sack, with satifaction he flung it right on his back. His eyes -- they behold evil! his claws how scary! His cheeks the greenest, his rage is fiery! His drool lingers from his mouth and below, His skin are as pale and prolly as cold as snow; The stump of human bone he chewed with his teeth and the heat from the slaughter circles around him like wreath; He had a broad figure and a gluttonious belly, that shook, because he just ate baby Kelly. He was the king of demon in and of itself, and I gasped and fainted, in spite of myself; He gave a sharp and brutal twist to my head. and in a quick second I knew I was dead; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and hunted the rest in hiding, giving their head the violent jerk, and picked up dismembered head by the nose, and flexing his muscles he wickly pose. He made sure everyone was slained, and then give the beast a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thristle. None was left alive as he exclaimed, era he drove out of sight, "Merry Christ-Massacre to you all, none will live after tonight!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight Posted December 19, 2004 Report Share Posted December 19, 2004 I got a rather good chuckle out of this... sort of reminds me of the Santa Bot from Futurama.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynx Posted December 19, 2004 Report Share Posted December 19, 2004 I like... Fits my mood at the moment and made me think of 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gryphon Posted December 20, 2004 Report Share Posted December 20, 2004 Mostly this is a brilliant piece. By and large it fits very well to the time and metre of the original xmas story. I did find that the timing was slightly off on some phrases compared to the traditional xmas story in a number of places which I have to admit threw me slightly. However having said this you were obviously staying true to the nature of your telling rather than the layout of the original tale and I cant suggest alternative wording that would fit better so fair enough. All up well done and entertaining in its own rather macabre way. I echo Mynx's question, have you ever seen Tim Burton's A nightmare before christmas? Less gory buy far but it is definitely brought to mind by your tale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted December 20, 2004 Report Share Posted December 20, 2004 (edited) well, it's different... just a suggestion, but there's room for tweaking the 'tenses and line lengths a little for the sake of rhythm... Women and children were hidden in holes lamenting and praying for their souls And Mamma cuddle children in their laps pale cold hands on small mouths, tightly claps example: Women and children were hidden in holes lamenting and praying for their own souls or mortal souls And Mammas or Mothers cuddle children in their (an adjective could work here too) laps as pale cold hands on small mouths tightly clap. just a suggestion. revery the dreamlost "i'm just misunderstood, while misunderstanding you..." the dream continues... Edited December 20, 2004 by reverie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gryphon Posted December 20, 2004 Report Share Posted December 20, 2004 Rev: That's exactly what I was talking about - it fits better with the timing of the original xmas tale... but today's not a good creative day for coming up with alternatives like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted December 20, 2004 Report Share Posted December 20, 2004 (edited) gryphon... cool. didn't see your first postl, guess we must have posted near the same time... or i was editing when your were posting... rev... Edited December 20, 2004 by reverie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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