Gryphon Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 watches, waits alone, forlorn seek the coming of the dawn seek to fight the dark of night with lonely thoughts prepared to bite when by one's self with time to bide and no loved one by my side my wish for now future and past wanting you here in your presence I'll bask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynx Posted November 24, 2004 Report Share Posted November 24, 2004 *hugs Gryphon* Beautiful. I can see the imagry in my head. And it fits my sentiments exactly. *smiles* Very nice. Thank you for sharing it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted November 24, 2004 Report Share Posted November 24, 2004 This is truly beautiful, Gryphon. I love the simplistic and raw form that you chose. The form matches the feelings, I think. I think if I were to offer any suggestions at all, it would be to remove the period at the end. Since you used to punctuation throughout the entire poem, it sort of seems like it should end without it too. BUT, I am officially "punctuation retarded" so I could be way off! Thank you for sharing, I really enjoyed it. :0) ~Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gryphon Posted November 24, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2004 Thanks Sal I see where you're coming from since I left out all other 'line termination' punctuation. That particular full stop ended up in place just because in my mind without it the whole poem seemed incomplete, where the absence of other line end punctuation didn't seem necessary - the layout of the poem its self was successful in indicating where a pause should be. I tried removing it, and it just looked like I stopped in the middle of a sentence. I think next time I write something like this I'll see about getting the punctuation the whole way through. I think I normally manage to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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