BlackCagedHeart Posted March 16, 2004 Report Share Posted March 16, 2004 I bled for you you do not care I died for you and you just stared I ripped out my heart and gave it to you Ripped out my eyes and fed them to you I bottled my soul and gave you the flask You lit it on fire it tumbled to ash You turned on me that same day THrew my heart and body away That's when I knew I had been.... Betrayed BlackCagedHEart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merelas Posted March 18, 2004 Report Share Posted March 18, 2004 Wow... gruesome and lovely. The rhyme scheme is very enticing, and while I liked this style for your other poem, I find it makes it harder to read here (for me... maybe I'm just dyslexic tho ). I would reccomend seperating stanzas maybe, as well as adding length. Both of your poems have left me wanting more of the story, and while that's good, on this one I think a longer work would do better. I liked the use of gore, especially these lines: Ripped out my eyes and fed them to you It shows how bloody and painful love can really be sometimes-- not a fluffy, soft, warm type of love, now is it?? Great poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackCagedHeart Posted July 21, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2004 You all are too kind to meh. I am not worthy.... BlackCagedHeart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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