Gwaihir Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 As she entered the room, a cold chill seemed to bathe their souls. Everyone she looked at shuddered and she knew that if she glared long enough they would shrivel up. The ice queen laughed to herself “What petty mortals these people were.” As she passed by them the various mortals squawked at her. She heeded them not, because their words were meaningless. Occasionally, however, she did listen to their small requests, because she knew that a the best way to show power was to stoop and help others—to prove that one could. She stopped and looked over her realm. It was a wasteland of snow and empty words. Strewn across this world were the corpses of her siblings as they had fallen in her wake. She was mighty and nothing could stop her. The bell tower knelled and she brushed the dust off her robes and preened, after all evil villains must always look their best. She looked out over her moat and across the plains. No, her warlord was still not here. She shook her black locks in disgust. Perhaps it was time to retreat into her tower to keep watch for him. Ahah, that sounded like his horses. She smiled and walked out into the night. Now here was a loyal subject she thought as he opened the door of his car to her. As she entered the room, a cold chill seemed to bathe their souls Close the door, Sarah! It’s absolutely freezing out there! Everyone she looked at shuddered and she knew that if she glared long enough they would shrivel up. The ice queen laughed to herself “What petty mortals these people were” Don’t kick the baby’s shoes out of the way. As she passed by them the various mortals squawked at her. She heeded them not, because their words were meaningless. Don’t you look at me like that, pick up the shoes and bring them back! Occasionally, however, she did listen to their small requests, because she knew that a the best way to show power was to stoop and help others—to prove that one could. She stopped and looked over her realm. It was a wasteland of snow and empty words. Strewn across this world were the corpses of her siblings as they had fallen in her wake. She was mighty and nothing could stop her. Mom, Sarah pushed me over again. Tell her to stop! She brushed the dust off her robes and preened, after all evil villains must always look their best. Sarah, don’t come out into the living room if you’re going to act like that. Behave. She looked out over her moat and across the plains. No, her warlord was still not here. She shook her black locks in disgust. Perhaps it was time to retreat into her tower to keep watch for him. And don’t...Oh, that sounds Jason, well you can go, but don’t be back too late this time. She smiled and walked out into the night. Now here was a loyal subject she thought as he opened the door of his car to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted December 17, 2003 Report Share Posted December 17, 2003 Definitely a clever vignette, Gwaihir. I really like how the majestic and powerful tone of the first version is completely turned on it's head when we find out what's physically going on in the second version, and particularly liked the contrast in the "cold chill." One thing you could potentially improve: when the Ice Queen thinks to herself "What petty mortals these people were," the "were" might be replaced with an "are," since the Queen would probably be thinking in present tense as she passed her victims. Nicely done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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