Mira Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 I'm stuck in the doldrums again With no way out, and no way in Oh, what a terrible, terrible sin To be stuck in the doldrums again I'm caught in a rut in my mind Looking for something I can't find Oh, what a horrible, horrible crime To be caught in a rut in my mind I’m trying so hard to escape But everyone sees I’m a fake It takes time to get out, I won’t wait ‘Cause I’m trying so hard to escape. It reminded me of Shell Silverstein's works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted December 21, 2003 Report Share Posted December 21, 2003 The repetiton between first and last lines in each stanza is good, but most effective is the repetition of the third line in each the first two stanzas. The last one deviates from the format, and i think that hurts it a bit. I had trouble following the connection between But everyone sees I’m a fake It takes time to get out, I won’t wait but maybe that's just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragonqueen Posted December 21, 2003 Report Share Posted December 21, 2003 The rythym of the first two stanzas is perfect, but in the third I think it gets a bit off in It takes time to get out, I won’t waitOther than that, though, this is very good. It does sound a bit like Shel Silverstein. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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