Red Rabbit and Partial Bob

[Snypiuer]

It was a frigid, bitter wind that scoured the desolate, barren plain on that empty, lonely winter night......approximately 6 months before and about 1200 or so miles north of the quaint little trailer home that a bright, crisp summer day shined down upon.

 

It was on this day that Cledtus P. Pimpernel (no relation to one Scarlet, The) and his cousin Robert Bob Boosch (Bob IS his middle name) became the super heroes known as Red Rabbit and Partial Bob. **Little known fact: The P. in Cledtus P. Pimpernel does not stand for anything. It is a consequence of his mother's rather bizzare speech impediment, in which she had to pronounce the letter P before any word beginning with the letter P. -- My appoligies and condolences to any reader who may or may not share this impediment. Let it also be known that I am a yearly contributer to the "Society of P People with the P Propensity to P Pronounce the letter P P before Speaking words beginning with the letter P P, United for the P Prevention of P Pronouncing the letter P P before Speaking words beginning with the letter P P, Until Totally Rehabilitated." Also known as: SPPPPPPPPSPPUPPPPPPSPPUTR.**

 

The trailer was the office (and only resident) of the "Shangri-La, Down Home, Tiki-Tiki Trailer and RV Park," which was left to Cledtus when he lost his mother. She's not dead, he just can't find her (In actuallity, she ran off with her teenage lover - who also happens to be her sisters son. Which is, in and of itself, disturbing. Just not as disturbing as the fact that he's also her brother's son. Some things are just better left un-talked about.) Within it, Cledtus was yelling at his T.V. He was attempting to watch that days Jerry Springer show. He was pretty sure his mother was on it (perhaps in an attempt to contact him, he believed), but the reception was completly shot. His cousin Bob was outside, using a chain saw to saw off a branch he believed was causing the reception problem. Now Bob with a power tool is NEVER a good idea, the fact that he was using (in this order from ground up) an old wooden milk crate, a rusted out 55 gallon barrel (still partially full of some unknown liquid that glows real pretty and taste funny) and a folding lawn chair as a means to reach said branch, FIRMLY places the situation within the realm of bad.

 

Now, several things happened at once. First, Cledtus had become so enraged, that he had given up his yelling and banging on the T.V., in order to find some thing to throw at it. While outside, an old rotten milk crate disintegrates beneath a weight that any individual with a minimum I.Q. equal to that of a craeture with the brains reserved for the lowliest and simplest of all the creators creations - SHOULD KNOW BETTER THEN TO PLACE ON IT!!!

 

Second, as Bob engages in his fatefull journey towards mother earth (chain saw, running full throttle, gripped tightly in hand), Cledtus has found an object to hurl at his impudent T.V. set.

 

Third, Bob's left leg entangles in the lawn chair, straightens out before him (presenting a perfect target for previously mentioned chain saw) and Bob commences to saw through it a few inches above the ankle. Cledtus turns and begins his throw.

 

Fourth, doing his best impersonation of Nolan Ryan (worthy of the brother from 'There's Something About Mary'), Cledtus hurls his found object full force at the T.V. While outside, Bob has not only figured out a way to also take his right leg off half way between the knee and hip, he manages to lop off his left arm at the elbow (he was reaching for his amputated right leg when the chain saw bounced up and through the arm).

 

Finally, Cledtus lets out a scream as he realizes that he has just hurled his LAST beer at his ONLY T.V. set and he attempts to some how stop the whole horrible chain of events with some hastily prayed for mental abilities. Bob release the chain saw and reaches for his severed left arm with his last remaining attached limb. The chain saw trigger seems to be jammed and it is bouncing around near the severed arm - Bob is oblivious to this and continues to place his LAST remaining attached limb in harms way.

 

It is at this moment that every thing........stops.

 

Half way to the T.V., Cledtus' last beer stands suspended in mid-air and Bob's right arm has some how taken it upon itself to remove it self from harm's way.

 

Strangely, Cledtus is unaffected. Dazedly, he walks over to the beer can and grabs it. Opening it and taking a swig, he notices his cousin Bob and the shape he's in. Running outside, Cledtus comes to the realization that every thing is still, as if it were frozen in time, except for him. Him and Bob's right arm - which is busily doing first aid on his three severed limbs. As Cledtus approaches Bob, Bob's right arm shoots up in the air and the hand turns towards him (imagine making a shadow puppet of a duck and that is how the hand was held), as if looking at him. The arm then picks up a stick and writes a listed of things it needs to patch up Bob in the dirt. Waving at Cledtus and pointing at the list, Bob's arm is able to get Cledtus to get the items. It then writes down instructions on how to fix Bob that Cledtus is able to follow. Only after Bob is patched up and taken inside, does time begin to flow again.

 

Cledtus spends many hours staring at Bob's unconscious body, as Bob's arm and hand seems to look around and study everything around it. Cledtus also comes to the conclusion that he was responsible for the previous events and the transformation of Bob's arm. The arm seemed to have an intelligence beyond anything Cledtus could imagine, while his own ability to seemingly stop time, left him dazed. Was this all he could do? Could he even do it again? How did he do it to begin with? The possibilities were staggering.

 

Even with all this, he was still able to understand that something special and powerful had happened. He remembered what he had learned from his vast reading of comic books as a child, he had a responsibility. A great reponsibility. For, if he did have this, and perhaps other powers, it was a great power in deed.

 

Cledtus needed a costume. Unfortunately, all he could find was an old pair of red long johns with a rear flap. Now Cledtus wasn't very bright, but he was known to be able to use common items in novel ways. Cutting the long johns at the waist, he fashioned a mask from the bottom half. Putting two holes in the rear flap for eye holes, he placed it over his head. The legs hanging down reminded him of the long ears of the rabbits that infested the RV park. Thus was born Red Rabbit.

 

Bob's arm seemed to understand what Cledtus had in mind when he went to check on Bob while wearing his new disguise. After Cledtus provided Bob's arm with a pen and some paper, they spent the next 2 weeks replacing Bob's lost limbs with various items they could find. When Bob finally came to, he had no control over his right arm. In fact, the arm was actually able to take over control of his body (except for his head) at times. And while many a fight between Bob and his arm insued, Partial Bob came into being.

 

This is the origin of Red Rabbit and Partial Bob, whos' adventures we will some day follow.

 

**Red Rabbit and Partial Bob do in deed have more powers and abilities. But, this is the true reason for them.**

 

Beneath the small trailer that Cledtus and Bob call home, a vast net work of tunnels extend through out the RV park. It is a rabbit warren inhabited by super intelligent rabbits (previously mentioned as infesting the park). These rabbits have a society and technological abilities that man kind will not even be able to concieve of for another thousand generations. They gained all this through alien experimentation. The RV park happened to be the point of first contact between Man and the Intergalactic League of Super Intelligent Beings (ILSIB). Had Cledtus or Bob been home, instead of out shooting rats at the local dump and then going to visit Bob's mom, two sisters and niece at the Desert Palms Nude Review (There were only four 'entertainers' at the Desert Palms. Yes, they would be the mom, two sisters and niece - which makes what comes next all that more disturbing) - where they spent $480 on $5 lap dances and two trips to the VIP room, they would have been the recipients of the gifts given by ILSIB.

 

Instead, when Mindaar the Lesser arrived, it was a trailer full of rabbits that greeted him. Having a habit of never attending any meetings and being a general goof off (hence the honorific 'Lesser'), he was under the impression that the rabbits were in fact Man. Wanting to get off planet and back to his warp drive life style, Mindaar popped a few rabbits in his portable evolutionary accelerator, gave them a computer system with a data base filled with the gathered knowledge of the ILSIB and bid them goodbye.

 

By the time the ILSIB realized the mistake, the rabbits had already advanced even beyond them. It was the ILSIB's attempt to rectify the problem that led to the creation of Red Rabbit and Partial Bob. The ILSIB (in fear of the rapid advancement of the rabbits) decided to fix the situation by eliminating....well, the planet. No planet, no rabbits, no problem. Figuring this out before the ILSIB even realized their mistake, the rabbits devised a weapon of their own. When the ILSIB fired their Planet Eliminator 5000 (PE5g) at the rabbits, the rabbits own energy weapon displaced the vibrationary function of the PE5g. Nullifying its effect on the planet and reversing and intensifying its distructive power. It was the interaction of these two weapons that caused everything (the remnants of the ILSIB have already started to reconstruct and have sent a formal request to stop hostilities in the form of an unconditional surrender, which the rabbits have accepted. The rabbits have already sent aid and experts to help in the reconstruction).

 

Having been in the center of the interaction of the energy weapons, set off changes in both Cledtus and Bob. Cledtus was unaffected by the stopping of time due to a quirk in his genetic make-up (which is not fully known, quite possibly suspect and, to tell the truth, may be too disturbing to contemplate). It was an unexpected reaction, that the rabbits have taken full advantage of. Becuase of this quirk, the rabbits are able to imbue Red Rabbit with what ever ability they can think of, for a brief period of time. These abilities are short lived. The greater the ability, the shorter span of time he has them. The first night Cledtus went to sleep, the rabbits implanted biological trackers and other bio-electrical devices in him and Bob (who's attached spare parts they have enhanced so that they can minipulate and imbue with powers, much like Cledtus himself), to oversee their activities and help them when neccesary (imbueing what abilities they need to acomplish what ever they may be trying to accomplish).

 

The explanation of Bob's arm is this: Bob was supposed to be a conjoined (Siamese) twin. All that developed, though, was his twins brain and spinal cord. They happen to be in his right arm. The brain spread out, encased in the bones of the hand and fore arms, all the way down to the elbow (this seperation and compartmentalization of the brain has made it an entity that is basically a community, acting as an individual. Allowing each part to act seperately and as one - at the same time. The actual limits to this set up is unknown and of great interest to the rabbits), with the spinal cord extending through the bone of the upper arm, from elbow to shoulder, behind the shoulder blade and to the base of the skull, connecting to Bob's own spinal column. This is how the arm can take over the body at times (a low level psychic bond allows Bob to communicate with the arm). It was the interaction of the energy weapons that gave the brain its jump start and it became sentient. Bob's attempt to grab his left arm by putting his right arm in harms way, sparked its survival instinct - saving it from the same fate as the other three limbs (the fact that Bob's IQ rivals that of mineral deficient dirt is the reason for the frequent and, some times, vicious fights between them).

 

Of course Cledtus and Bob have no idea why they have the powers they do (and the rabbits will do ANY THING to keep it that way), they just know they do. Mean while, they enjoy the tranquility of their surroundings and the company of the cute little bunnies that infest the RV park. All the while trying to decide the course of their future.

 

The questions that must be asked are: Will they be forces of good or evil? What are the rabbits true intentions? Will the ILSIB secretly seek to retaliate? Did Cledtus even THINK of washing those long john's first? Will Bob be celibate for the rest of his life now? What's that smell? and What's it all about Alfie?

 

 

 

Well, until I can think of a first adventure, so long on behalf of the Red Rabbit and Partial Bob !

 

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Edited September 14, 2003 by Snypiuer