No I disagree. Sex is not the effect of love. One can easily have sex without 'feeling' love for a person. Whether it is rape, or any kind of sex with a consenting stranger for the sake of 'comfort' or whatever, one definitely does not need to 'feel' love of any kind for or with a person one has sex with.
Sex is not a manifestation of love. Should paedophilia be accepted because the perpetrator 'loved' their victim? Of course not. Nor is it a manifestation of love between two consenting adults. Sex is simply a physical act, a pleasurable one no doubt, but simply physical and not dependant on 'feelings'. The plan God had for sex was for it to be a pleasurable thing, a joyful way to create children, solely within the context of marriage, for reasons of committed security and agreement between the married couple for their sake and for the sake of any children.
Real love, the kind that would cause someone to give his or her life for another, is definitely NOT a feeling. Yes, you read correctly, NOT a feeling. Real love, agape love, is a commitment, an action, and an enactment of conviction. That's what marriage is supposed to be. The vows are an enactment of the conviction of the couple that they will act in love (not feel love) toward their spouse for the rest of their lives. Any couple that has been married long enough will tell you that the 'feeling' of love will come and go. It's the commitment of acting in agape love towards their spouse that cements the relationship and forms a base that will not be moved, no matter what the 'feelings' for the moment are - that's what marriage is supposed to be. Communication and sorting out problems must also be dealt with by spouses. Once the original 'feelings' of love that motivated a couple to make such a commitment are gone, the commitment of love that they made forms the basis for a deeper, longer lasting, 'feeling' of love that can only come through experience and commitment.
In the world, the spiel has been 'if it feels, good do it', but you can feel one hundred and one ways about the same thing in one day. Feelings swish and blow like the wind, always changing, never solid enough to form a base for anything concrete. Real love is doing what is right, regardless of how it feels. Do you think in a war that soldiers aren't scared of being shot or killed? Of course they would be! Yet some will still go back into the battle fray to haul off a wounded friend or comrade. Do they have time to feel all mushy and lovey dovey while bullets are ripping past them? Of course not. They don't have time to rustle up some feelings for this person or that person, they simply go out and do their duty as a soldier. Why? Because for some reason, they had committed to the military that they would serve as soldiers. That commitment stands in their minds, not so much conscious thought, but as an unmoving fact at the back of their minds. Real love is a commitment, because real love can only be expressed through commitment, whether to a person, a deity, or a cause, or an ideal.
I'm not saying that feelings of love are obsolete, I'm saying that ultimately they have no staying power. Couples in this world get together and break up and get together and break up again, and why? Plenty would easily say "I just don't love him/her anymore". God commands the marriage commitment first and sex later because the commitment provides security for both people. It is saying "I will choose to act in love towards you, which is putting your needs before mine, even when I no longer have feelings of love for you".
Real and true love is putting someone or something else before your own wants and desires, because you choose to, not because you 'feel' like it. Love is an action, and a choice. Always a choice.
Elvina
