Mardrax

"though you stand only to gain"...

Doesn't everyone only stand to gain from having a good friendship with one another, as opposed to pushing them away mentally? I don't see any reason why there should be any negativity in the turn of phrase itself, though I can also see why you associate it with negativity.

After all, one who only stands to gain is generally in a bad situation that can only improve. Take that line, turn it around, and call it a "win/win situation" and it's usually associated with positivity. In essence though, they're practically one and the same.

Hence, I turn standing to gain positive, because after al, if you only stand to gain, there are no negatives involved, other than perhaps the initial situation. I've always learned however, that the outcome matters most in the end.

The "and" caesura...

I felt it was necessary to designate the difference between the part before and after it, even if you could leave the full stop "and" out and consider the "before" and "after" logical followings upon eachother.

About your other tone issue, I would first advise you to read more carefully and let go of assumptions of what's to come, and then reconsider the issue.

It's a... final thought to the second piece.

And Thanks. For the "happy birthday" and for your comments to my work. I take joy in both :-)

The birthday... blah. Though it didn't turn out as "happy" as I'd thought it would be, I had a good time nonetheless.

Tonight...

Tonight is little different from any other night really.

Nothing to do.

Nothing to say.

Nothing to think.

So I wander, as every other night, and every other day.

Not out of boredom, I haven't been bored for as long as I can remember.

I just do.

How long I have lived like this? I honestly couldn't answer that.

Do I live at all? I honestly cannot answer that either.

I exist, that I do know, or at least, I think.

Or maybe I'm just imagining everything. Could that be?

Can something that doesn't exist still imagine?

Some people would no doubt deny my existence without blinking once.

Then again, most people aren't even aware of me even if I bump into them.

I am.

I can move through concrete walls as if they aren't there.

Any width of lead will not stop my passing, nor can I care a bit about water, running or no.

But living things, humans, animals, they cast me out if I, in a moment of not paying attention, try to move through them. Is there a difference between those? Humans and animals, I mean? I guess not, technically speaking. Piles of flesh and bones all of them. The sensation of being kept out by them is also the same, for me, and for them. For me, it's a rather violent experience. For them, they don't even notice anything happened, and they go on their daily lives.

Humans however, I remember.

Faintly, but I remember.

I remember how yesterday, or was it the day before? The week before? I remember a child -he can't have been into puberty yet- getting hit by a car. A black one, I think, with someone who seemed too big to be driving it behind the wheel. Yes.

He stepped out of his car with some effort, fidling with his far too large fingers on a far too small phone.

I remember the look on his face. Irritated, anoyed, not more than that.

I remember a woman walking on the sidewalk, carrying a bag of groceries. Must have been out buying fruit, as a second later, the bag was on the floor, a few apples spilled out. She was still screaming then, and fainted beside her groceries another second or so later.

The kid I don't remember anything from. Except the look in his eyes as they closed. Pleading. Eyes aimed directly at me. Yet I couldn't help him. I can't help anyone. I can just watch.

Is that why I exist? To watch? But to what purpose?

Some people can feel when I'm around though. Another affirmation to my existence, in a way. Though I can't remember how many times people have claimed I was the spirit of some dead family member, friend, or even pet. That was a nice one. I'd never been called a cat before.

Then again, I could have been, once. But if so, I cannot remember.

Others start making crufixes in the air, or hold one up, dangling from a chain. That's another way to make you feel welcome, I guess.

I just wander around this city, day and night, night and day, because those two don't matter to me much. I don't tire, I don't get bored, I don't feel the pain of staying up on one's feet for hours on end, as I've heard some people attest to. Heck. I don't even have feet.

Sometimes, someone peaks my interest for some reason, and I follow them around for some time, days, sometimes. Mostly though, they return to a lover here, a friend there, and I don't think it'd be... polite to intrude upon their privacy like that.

Listen to me. Privacy. As if anyone would notice. Still. I would like to think I have my values, senseless though they may be. "Our creed is but for ourselves", as I believe to have heard somewhere, some day.

Following people that use public transportation is quite awkward for me too. Especially during rush hours it's hard to find an empty spot on a subway or bus, especially if the people cannot see me. I've tried once though. It wasn't a pleasant experience.

Someone walked into the spot I was in and the next instant I was bouncing back and forth between people all across the carriage. When the train finally stopped, and some people got out, I didn't know how fast to get out of there again.

I'd be hard pressed to repeat that attempt, so for now, I'll just walk.

Is it possible to walk without feet? Without legs?

I can talk without a mouth, so I guess it's possible.

Or maybe I'm just subconsciously trying to be as humanlike as I possibly can. Trying to adapt to my surroundings. Because I'm not ofcourse. Human, I mean.

But do I even talk? I never know, since I'm the only one listening to my ramblings, and I don't know if anyone else would like to. I don't even know if I like to listen to myself. But I guess I'll have to.

These long periods of silence at night tend to be filled with nothing but inward speech for me.

Reflecting, in some way, on me, on my... life? I guess. In some way.

How would you define life? I've heard doctors declare someone dead as soon as their heartbeat stops for some time. When brain activity ceases, even.

That would mean I never was alive. Still I like to think I am, if only for myself.

I prefer weekends.

There's always something happening on weekend evenings.

Bars, clubs and other venues flood with people every friday and saturday.

But on weekdays, there's little to draw my interest.

Occasionally a gang will decide to shoot up another gang. After you've seen that a few times though, there's little interesting left about it. People sleeping on park benches, empty bottles still clutched in a hand, somewhere beneath a few layers of cardboard have also lost my interest long ago.

So now I just wander, and talk to myself, hoping... hoping nothing really.

I just... do. Am.

*stumbles in, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes*

Whawazzat about dreams? Subtitles? Bah! Get used to them, it's not like the rest of the world doesn't have to

;-)

twofold congrats rev, in light of me having failed to congratulate you the first time

aren't somewhat unstable elements in life just a good source for inspiration?

Madder

Orlando

* Loot first, THEN burn & pillage........

actually, you shouldn't start pillaging 'til your guildmates have BBQed your target into near-oblivion and you have an outstanding counter you wish to last

*whistles innocently* old habits die hard

goat

flap

skate

* Never stick you boot in slime

...and isn't memento's point as valid as something he has learned, than it is as a piece of advice, even though he brings it as advice rather than a personal lesson from life?

* Reading around lines is often just as effective, and just as needed, as reading between them

*grins as he watches two persons give voice (and give in ) to issues he's all too familiar with in himself*

... no further comment, your honour

ant

subway

Very nice... vivid... noiresque, almost.

In fact, you've got me picturing this in black and white, actually hearing someone Max Payne-ish reading the narration 0_o

and awaiting what he'll be telling next

keep it up

persistent

Have you ever visited this world in a dream?

Have you ever visited a place at least a wall away from your then-current position in this world, in a dream?

Have you ever, after waking up, had someone tell you they could feel your presence during the time you were with them in a dream?

Have you ever knowlingly shared a dream with someone?

Have you ever had a dream that's come true since?

Have you ever had a dream which you feel (or fear) will come true some day?

stage

childhood

Raging rivers drain the sea,

flood the land with iniquity.

Glaciers flow into the sky,

causing to think the start is nigh.

Oceans pull down blackened stormclouds

Tiny droplets, forming hazy shrouds.

A numbed mind awakens, as it does find

the proper button, next to "Rewind"

-

'Watery graves, far away from shores'

Don't

Don't come any closer

No need for you here

Won't share myself

Though I like you near

Where you are

you are fine

One step further

would cross the line

One more word

One more thought

One more hug

One more touch

Would be

More than I can afford

to spare

As long as I

have got myself

I'll heal in time

-------------------------

In

Hold on to myself

Hold on to my thoughts

Hold on to my pain

and the trouble it's wrought

Hold on to my solitude

Hold on to my distance

Hold on to my mind

and

Hold on to my wishes

Hold on to my dreams

Hold tight my desires

if I know what I mean

-------------------------

Out

I'll keep away:

Away from your problems.

Away from your pains.

Away from you,

though you stand only to gain

Can I handle that?

Can I separate?

Can I now change

how my mind operates?

Hoping I can,

for both our sakes.

For I've never seen,

much higher stakes.

Friendship everlasting?

Hoping so, but

do we have what that takes?

*hugs*

amen mate

amnesia

teacher

Every reply (directed at me anyways) is an appreciated one Buddha, and if you think something longer is called for than what you can do at the time, you can always post that in bits... the art of patience is a fair one

For this though, thanks