Lone Shadow

Surprise! Here I am!

Yellow grass hides under white snow

Blue sky above grey clouds

And summer warmth in winter's shadow.

Memory hides within a clouded mind

And youth, from advancing age.

That grass wasn't yellow yesterday, was it?

Fin.

What these old bones know.

The formatting on alot of the little bit that I wrote was lost, as Peredhil talks about in the note at the top of the page. Not lost on this one though, and this is the best of what I've written. I will go through the others and see what I'm going to tweak. A 10 year reflection may change some of them entirely. Anyway, here you go:

As Morning’s sun awakens something that none knew was present
The rays’ touch, a breath of life, caresses my soul.

A downy feather playing in the breeze, settles gently on a pond
Crisp, fresh, my senses heightened as the mirthful gust tousles my hair.

Ripples moving, imperceptible to all but those who look
Splashing over me, serving to only whet my thirst.

Drifting across the surface, this tiny feather eagerly explores
Awakened energies, foreign perceptions, an unaccustomed yen.

Such is your kiss.

There are purple cows on the horizon,

And green pigs in the sky.

Red sheep in the mountains,

Oh man, I’m really high.

“Have a good laugh”

Is that what this is? A confession

Of crimes against the soul?

I may have loved you once. You’d

Never believe it though.

When did love stop? Or was it

Just a pack of lies?

And you still say, “We can make it

Work, if you’ll just try.”

But I’m guilty of this crime. Committed

The ultimate sin.

I’ve crushed your spirit. Taken all

You could give.

I couldn’t maintain it. The effort

Finally consumed me.

So I open the locks. Rattle the cage

And set you free.

You haven’t left yet. Why?

I’ll never understand.

Force you out? No, perhaps

A helping hand.

Maybe I should leave? Easier

For us that way.

Do you want some grape juice?

Or a bagel and some tea?

It’s breakfast time, this early morn’

Oh, what you’ve done to me.

Next line:

I’ve lost my way.

Steady buzzing, over in a minute.

The sweep sweeping of the broom.

A weight lifted, silence descends.

“Thank you,” I mumble.

A cool breeze felt, prompting a reflex

Running fingers through my hai..

Looking down, there it is.

I am, a “shavee.”

The world is but a mirror

A reflection of my soul

I cast my gaze beyond

Only to find it reflected back again.‎

This path weaves on forever

What’s ‘round the next bend?‎

I have not the will to look

Here I’ll wait, until night’s end.‎

As the moon chases the sun

My breath fogs the air

Swirling mists surround me

And the stars, they disappear.‎

Dawn fights back the shadows

I rise to my feet once more

Wearily trudging on

Braced to confront the mirror.‎

*The time is nigh, yet again*

I like how you constructed your second poem out of a bunch of one-liners from songs. I caught most of them, but I'm sure there's a few I missed.

Thanks for the quick reply Wyvern, and for your appreciation. I've revised the last 2 lines on your suggestion, but I'm not sure these fit any better than the original -

Is it just that, a flare?‎

Or will it linger on,‎

Brilliance etched ‎

Into Time itself? ‎

I don't post as frequently as I would like. Often due to work, but more often due to lack of inspiration. This is just a rough scribble of thoughts, so please don't take it as a completed work. I will be trying to come out of the darkness a bit more, and to become a more common presence around the Pen.

Magnesium flare

Nothing can extinguish

Burning hot and pure

An intensity like no other.‎

Submerged,‎

Drawing breath from the water

Bringing daylight to darkness

As it descends.‎

Shadows dance

Entwined together

Falling back

Retreating from the blaze.‎

Is it just that, a flare?‎

Or will it linger on

Becoming more?‎

Only time will know.‎

In my mind, when I was writing this, I wanted the 3rd and 4th stanzas to be seen from the car's perspective, not the driver's. You're right though, it should probably stay in 3rd person. That would make it easier to follow.

Awakened from a peaceful slumber

The beast roars to life

Tearing off down the trail

She searches out her prey.‎

Gracefully dancing across the rocks

Powering her way over the mud‎

Nimbly changing her course

As she leaps through the brook.‎

Clawing up the slope

Lunging into the air as I crest it

Cutting hard to the left as I land

Pausing to catch my breath.‎

Loving the hunt

Thrill of the chase

I live in Baja

I am Volkswagen.‎

A far cry from my usual style, but coming back from a VW Meet 'n Greet / New Year's campout, fragments of this were forming in my head. Not 100% happy with it, so I'll more than likely be coming back to it later to revise it. Hope you enjoy.

Thank you for taking the time to do that, it's very appreciated. I'm sorry I didn't get back sooner, but between work and my car breaking down, I didn't have any time available.

You're right, thanks.. I didn't see that last night, too tired.

Fixed.

Where have my words gone?

It seems as though day after day

I make an attempt at writing something

Worth reading, and yet I only manage

To scribble down nonsensical gibberish.

Oh, and any sort of feedback is appreciated.

Blank, empty, void

The canvas of our lives

We are all, each of us, artists in our own right

Painting our respective piece of canvas

With the colors and strokes we see fit.

Some of the paintings are crystal clear

With stark definition, an unmistakable flow

While others, nothing is apparent; no visible pattern

Not a single direction, and the colors are muddled

Blending haphazardly together

More and more, I attempt to define my painting

To give it clarity and direction

Yet more and more, I continue to fail at this goal

Wielding my brush with an unsteady hand

Unable to fully rinse from it one color before choosing the next

So here I begin anew

Though try as I might to start with a fresh canvas

The remnants of prior works continue to haunt me

Making their existence known in everything i do

To everyone I know

Is this the grand beginning

Of the artwork I have struggled so tirelessly to create?

Or simply the start of yet another failure in the making

Only the passing of time and my badly worn brush

Will offer up an answer.

Clouds rolling in, the wind driving them chills my bones

Rain intensifies, soaking me to the core

Temperature drops, coating everything in a sheen of ice

Nowhere to turn, the chill saturates all it touches

Shivering violently, struggling to draw warmth from within

Failing desperately, seeking out shelter

The storm rages on, leaving me fully exposed

Pushing forward, blindly struggling to survive

Incessant drive forces me to continue.

I agree with Regel, nice work. Knowing that someone who used to care, doesn't anymore, can be one of the most difficult things to accept.

The original version was the first piece of writing that I read on these forums, and the sole reason I made my first post. I like them both, thanks for sharing them.

Drowning in a sea of words, I think we all know what that’s like to experience. I liked the imagery you conveyed here.

Digging through my collection, small as it is, I found one that I haven't yet posted. I can't remember how long ago I wrote it though...maybe I should start dating these things. Anyway --

Words have failed me

Swept away with the tide

Flowing through my soul.

Visions of you surface

Gone again in an instant

My love wills them to return.

Eyes falling shut

Soothing waves envelop me

I hear a whisper.

A closer listen reveals

the words I repeat here

"I love you."

Water seems to be a factor in what I've written within the past 2 years, as I try to draw my inspiration from my surroundings.. and I happen to be on an island. End of April though, and I'm going to be in the States again. I plan to spend a couple days driving through the redwoods of northern California.

I appreciate you taking the time to voice your thoughts on this, Loki. With the 5th line, I was going for the “see without looking, hear without listening” concept. If you aren’t looking with a practiced eye, then you may never see what is truly there.

In the third couplet, the ripples created from the feather’s landing temporarily distract you from its existence. I was hoping to have the reader forget about the feather, the way one would forget about the rain while watching a thunderstorm.

I know I don’t post as often as I should, and I would like to post more, but I’m not the type of person who is able to do stop and go work on a piece of writing. If the motivation isn’t there to write the piece from start to finish, it either doesn’t get written or comes off as incredibly forced. I may have a new poem up sometime in May though; fresh motivation in the form of a road trip through parts unknown.

Thanks Rev,

I was wondering what people thought of this one, but after a week of no replies I sort of gave up on it. Just stopped by doing a search for some of my writing and saw your reply. Again, thank you.

Lone

You… Me

You

Me

Attraction

Infatuation

Together

Life...

Conflict

Understanding

Compassion

Commitment

Trust

Love...

Eternal

Ecstasy

Me

You...

Posted on behalf of a friend.

It's been a while, too long in fact, since my last time here. By all means, enjoy..

As Morning’s sun awakens something that none knew was present

The rays’ touch, a breath of life, caresses my soul.

A downy feather playing in the breeze, settles gently on a pond

Crisp, fresh, my senses heightened as the mirthful gust tousles my hair.

Ripples moving, imperceptible to all but those who look

Splashing over me, serving to only whet my thirst.

Drifting across the surface, this tiny feather eagerly explores

Awakened energies, foreign perceptions, an unaccustomed yen.

Such is your kiss.

A work in progress about "that feeling". You know, the one that tells you something just isn't right, yet you can't place your finger on what or why? I hope this piece will be able to place the finger when it's finished.

Overwhelming, a presence assaults my mind

Suffocating with Its urgency

“You’re not welcome,” my mind hurls back

At the same time, recoiling.

Continuing on, my steps wavering

Resolving myself to the task at hand

Urgency building, It will not be ignored

Walling It out with thoughts of my own.