DarkPainInside

thanx 4 the post every one- (they r good encouragement!) Arwen, thanx 4 ur concern but im ok. i am living, and i think i allways will be- i dont have the courage to kill myself. i've just given in though; i cant stand it. people push me too far, tell me what to do and what not to and then how to do it; i hate my life and i hate them for it. i hate me and i am stuck. My razor, sleeping pills and matches don't work now. Not anymore. :'( thanks anyway!

Afraid 2 Love and Happy 2 Hate I’ve got a razor in my pocket And I’m not afraid to die I’ve got drugs in my clasp And I’m not afraid to fly I’ve got my life in my hands and I’m not afraid to waste it I’ve got death on my mind And I’m not afraid to taste it I’ve got suicidal tendancies And I’d love to show it I’ve got black in my head And I’d love you to know it I’ve got blood on my wrists And I’d love to feel it flowing I’ve got heaven on my brain And I’d love to be going I’ve a hatred of this place And I’m happy to be crying I’ve escaped many times And I’d be happy to keep trying I’ve been pretending I’m ok And I’m happy to be lying I’ve been out of this world And I’m happy to continue flying I’ve seen the way they look And I hate the way they stare I’ve heard the authorities And I hate them- they don’t care I’ve been sick of being tied up And I hate it- life's not fair I’ve been wishing they can't catch me And I hate the thing they call ‘Clare’ http://www.geocities.com/aelwryn/Anarchy.html http://www.infoshop.org/kidz/k_action.html http://www.turnoffyourtv.com/

Living in a society like ours is pointless. We thrive on greed anger and hate. We are constantly stressed and upset. But it dosent have to be this way. We can escape. There is an answer, and its simple; Freedom. Don’t live by their stupid rules or hierarchies if you don’t want to, don’t wear what the fashion magazines want you to wear, if you don’t agree with them, don’t conform, don’t agree, and speak out about it! Don’t let things happen that you don’t want to; injustices, oppression; turn your music up, tell people you think the government sucks, and see what they say; make people think for themselves. Why bother with money, reputation, or power? Does it really matter what type of car you own or where you live? With out society, culture and rules, we would all be one large happy group of people; no differences, no worries! WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH THAT?!? With out culture, and traditions, apparently we would have nothing to do; and that’s why they exist; to give a ‘meaning’ to life. But why should you follow their rules, when they make so many people unhappy!? Peer pressure, conformity and ‘classes’ should not exist, But they do, because of our human-made ‘civilisation’. Run against it. Before its too late, and we are all swallowed up by corporate giants. The ‘cool’ have the latest clothes and hair-dos, they are also adept at crushing others to make them selves feel good; hence the ‘cool’ ones and the ‘losers’. There are prime examples of this happening everywhere; the schoolyard, the streets and in the work place. ‘Losers’ are made to feel worthless, under-privileged and basically like ‘scum’, just because they are different form the mainstream of society; they could have different ideas about life ‘(free-thinkers’), different religions, have a disability, or different sexuality. These people end up not giving a damn about what other people think about them; they have cared and been hurt by ‘the cool ones’ too many times; and it is not worth it in the end, when you always have to deal with it, day after day. ‘Free thinkers; people unconstrained by anything thought controlling. Society, Religion, Government, all of them try and control you. Most of the time they succeed, most everyone falls to their control, except us.’ {(www.hulla-balloo.com) Quote by Jeremy Hammond.} -This is what I am talking about, people constantly being oppressed by their peers, are then forced to become distant and form their own groups, apart from society; these are the ‘losers’ I am talking about; most have to show incredible strength of character to survive ‘the cool ones’ and at the end still have their individuality, otherwise they would just drown in a sea of sadness, and give in to depression and suicidal thinking; become a mere shadow of what they would have been if stupid ‘pecking orders’ weren’t in place. I BELIEVE THAT EVERY ONE WAS CREATED EQUAL. Useful Links! http://www.crimethinc.com/ fantastic site on freedom and anarchy! www.hulla-balloo.com www.hulla-balloo.com/oldindex.php great articles on anarchy! www.hackthissite.com new hulla-balloo site on hacking www.port7alliance.com www.unamerican.com great stickers and articles http://www.wayleft.com/ stickers and stuff http://www.anotherposterforpeace.com/ peace posters http://www.activate.8m.com free youth

Reality is formed by your perceptions of life around you..... (not that that really helps lol) Morbid Angel, come and cry with me or talk to me any time you want... (just had my first eva smoke and i'm feelin weird!!) lol Great poem!!

OMG! wow .....thats incredible.... only 1 problem though... I CANT SLEEP NOW! ! ! lol just joking...that was food 4 thought Wren! very nicely written.

Ponderings.......... I would just like to say that everyone’s ‘meaning of life’ is different; for some its greed, others survival. I believe that we all need to have the same life goal- to help others and to shed the veil of ignorance; to become aware of the worlds problems, and deal with them, to not hide under the covers and pretend its all OK, BECAUSE IT ISNT AND PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE DYING AND ARE UNHAPPY, WHILE WE SIT BY AND WATCH! WE NEED ACTION. NOW. SO WAKE UP, AND HELP YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS WHO HAVE PROBLEMS BIGGER THAN YOURS! hehe (my english teacher hated this!!)

a very powerful peice indeed.... i agree with appy; it takes courage to kill yourself. and for those who dont have that courage; we are stuck here for evermore. (why die when u can have so much fun screwing your life instead??)

that mirrors how i feel; yet i dont want to be a burden to others... nice work!

.........HuGz!............ Thats magical.. wow!

wow! where did that come from?? thats unreal!!!! great work ! if i become 1/2 the poet u r then i'll be happi!

Tell myself it doesn’t matter But deep down I know it does I figured out, Why I hate it at school. I don’t fit in, Im not cool. Tell myself it doesn’t matter But deep down I know it does While everyone else is wearing blue, im wearing black, and I cant see past you. I need my sanity back. And carly that’s your fault. Don’t ask me why; It’s the way you made me feel, For every night I cried. Tell myself it doesn’t matter But deep down I know it does They’re wearing lipgloss, im wearing spikes I couldn’t give a toss. Coz they all think I m a dyke. So I hide away, Living miserably, My choice, ok? Tell myself it doesn’t matter But deep down I know it does. Don’t make me end it! Don’t make me snap! It is my choice To make my life crap. This is the way I cope Being so angry and sad Other wise I’d be living without hope Suicidally mad Tell myself it doesn’t matter But deep down I know it does. School sucks the life out of me Pulls me towards conformity Its easier to give in And become so pretty and slim But they can stick it! Coz I like it like this! Anger sadness rage and pain Tell myself it doesn’t matter But deep down I know it does…..

OK, this first poem is a work in progress, and the second one is for Morbid...and really anyone else who wants it to apply to them! lol Why do we live at all? Pain seeps, Blood drops, Darkness creeps, Hearts stop, Children leave Rebels run; Mothers grieve The moon follows the sun. A boy in a gutter lies still. Computers crash, Humans kill, Poison ivy leaves a rash, Kids cry, Bombs fall, Youth die, Why do we live at all? ***************** Because you support me, The days When I feel it too, You’re my guardian angel And I’d be sad if you never knew; The days I cut my self, I days I cried, The days I felt I had to run away, And hide; You are there, Telling me you care. You are too precious to loose, The wrong path; please don’t choose You’re the only one I feel who understands me The only one who knows what its like not to be free.

*HuGz* i believe sometimes we have to feel more pain in order to get better; Eg. for a bear to get his/her foot out of a beartrap, it must push down on the trap; making the barbs go further into its leg; but only then can it get out and be free... Think about it. Let it out maybe... (spray paint stuff! ) JOKING!!!!

Thanx all! it is nice 2 kno i can be myself for once and not hide it yet still feel accepted... i have severe depression. writing helps me cope, and not throw it all away. thanx again!

Morbid *HuGz!* was that written about some one? That was a simple, moving, confusing poem, maybe it was written so only the writer could understand it...but anyway, it was sad, *pulling @ heart strings* stuff DONT LEAVE US! V. Good!

Hopefully better than my last (weird) one.... this was written in school, in a french class. (Dont ask! ) *WEEK AFTER WEEK* Mindlessly I sit here, Day after day, Entertaining thoughts of suicide, And running away. Lifelessly I sit here, Week after week, With my façade up, Thinking of the long sleep. Helplessly I live here In a society of pain Looking straight ahead Trying to reclaim my brain Aimlessly I sit here Smiling; all is fine Striving to stay alone; Pretending my life is mine Hopelessly I see here A future that is bleak After I am done sitting In school, week after week.

whats everyone think of the ending?? Anarchy means equality, And equality Describes the way things should be. Youth of the world, Free. Teenagers of the world unite! Pick your loud speakers and fight, For you rights! Tell every one what’s going down, In your neighbourhood, in your home town. Tell them how you hate it here, And how you don’t want no highflying career, Because its not worth it, Its not cool, Goddamn, don’t even want to go to school! Rules don’t sit comfortably with me, I believe they’re there to be challenged you see. Don’t want no dope or ecstasy… Because everyone around the world, Is the same, All human with their own brains. Some just think that they’re better than others, Discriminators!! Run for cover! Respect everyone black, red, blue, Or white We do, and we’re the children of the future night, And we are right; You cannot stop us, Tearing borders down, Like violent drunks react to coppers. This world belongs to everyone, Man, women, animal, daughter and son. Everyone should be equal. Everyone should be free. And if you don’t believe that, Then you’re crazy, And I don’t want to know you; Come, and I’ll show you The Chinese kids, Dying in the street, The American families Who can’t make ends meet. Suicide only leaves pain; And a choice you cannot make again…

HuGz chanz that was so moving and sad... Wilso would be freakin! i'm here if u wanna talk or cry (...or waste class time!)

Hey (*HuGz!*) thanx all, u all made me feel v. welcome! thanx 4 the constructive critism/advice too!! cya @ skool chanz sweetie again, thanx 2 all who replied!!!

I am new to this board.... any advice constructive criticism etc is welcome One day I’ll smile, And tell you its ok You’l assume you’ll see me again some day. next morning you’ll find me dead alone in my room bullet through the head, empty as a tomb. I lived life in fear, Constantly in tears, Didn’t relate to my peers Get me outta here Cant you see? The person I am being here isn’t me Wish I knew how it was to be free Maybe suicides the key Im outta my tree Honestly. I love ruining my life, Just coz I can I don’t expect you to understand Normailty’s in demand Wont some one lend me a hand?