Loki Wyrd
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Posts posted by Loki Wyrd
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I was drunk
When I said
What I said
Please,
Don't take it to heart
I was drunk
When I said
What I said
So please,
Don't make it start
I don't know what to feel
Or what I think is true
I am in a perpetual haze
From which I was hoping to spare you
I'm sorry that I'm wicked
I'm unnecessary, and wrong
Take your heart away from here
It truly should not belong
I'm sorry for what I've said
When my heart was on my sleeve
I didn't know any better
Now I'm begging you to leave
I didn't know what I was saying
Even if I thought it was right
I shouldn't bring you such pain
I needn't add to your plight
I was drunk
When I said
What I said
Please,
Know that it's true
I was drunk
When I said
What I said
So please,
Forget that I love you
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Very creative.
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Hey-lo ~~>
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Hmm...interesting.
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I like it, and that is an interesting style you have there.
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*nods* You do change your rhyming scheme, and this can throw people off. Maybe if you put in a different type of divider, that would give people an idea that your poem is changing, that would help out. I know I have changed my rhyme scheme throughout a poem, and I don't feel that there is anything wrong with that, you just need to make sure it is done smoothly.
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Hmm...I have some suggestions. Not really anything to do with the actual poem, so much as the spelling/grammar.
poisen - poison
The path you have chose - The path you chose
Oh, and be sure to capitalize 'I'.
I'll have a stab at the poem itself sometime in the near future.
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It's good you know what you're talking about when it comes to poems, I surely do not.
Or maybe you're just better at disguising your ignorance...
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Wrong and dawn sound fine to me. They don't rhyme as you think of a rhyme in the general sense, but if said properly they sound alright. Damn brits...
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I wrote this back when I first had begun to write poems...only 6 months or so. Well, I think it needs a lot of work, but I just stumbled upon it so I thought I'd post it up.
What evil lurks on such a night as this?
Whiling away my days
Acting as if in a daze
Awake am I, during the depths of the night
Staring into my monitor, glowing bright
Surfing the web
No reason why
Finding anything that will hold my interest
Looking at things I'll likely never buy
Chatting with others
More comfortable speaking with my fingers
Speaking with those I could see in an instant
Of meeting any of the others, in my mind doubt lingers
Listening to music
Headphones on
Tapping my feet along with my favorite songs
Volume turned up, to me the rest of the world is gone
Leaning back in my chair
Into the monitor I still stare
It's been too long since I've read
Why does my mind and body not tell me to go to bed?
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I know what I was hoping for you to say...
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I churned all of these out in the period of an hour, when I was tempting the sandman to come take me away.
Sometimes I just like to have fun with writing, and this was certainly one of those instances. For me pushing deeper usually results in a dark state of mind, not always resulting in writing anything legible.
Thank you for your comments, as always, they are much appreciated.
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I like the last stanza a lot. Very nicely done. I think you pulled off the repitious element of the poem great in that part, but the first two seem like they need some work still. I love a poem that ends strong though. Keep on trucking.
BTW...last stanza, first line....should it not be nowhere as opposed to no were?
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Very cute indeed. Cool beans.
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A nice and easy read, that's definitely a relieving thing at times. Sometimes I know I just need to say it like it is.
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I'm a suppressor of emotions, most definitely. When I write I don't alwas feel the necessity to do so...
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Hey-lo ~~>
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Right-o. No singing from this corner of the ring, but happy bday nevertheless.
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Apathy is my biggest supporter.
As for my beast, I suppose I do feel deeply about this, but I can't tell you what I meant by my beast, I'm afraid. That is for only me to know...
But however you see it is fine by me, we each see things differently, and this helps identify us as people.
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I wrote a bunch of stuff last night. Some of them are fairly strange, some are fairly vulgar, and some just are. I suppose it would be asking a lot for you to read them all, but I'd appreciate if you bother to check them out. Thanks, and enjoy.
I Have
I have thought I was asleep
Only to find my eyes were open
I have seen things of poetic grace
Only to witness them be broken
I have not lived a long life
Though my years have run long
I have discovered many new things
Though my heart knows many are gone
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Television Waves
Dead television waves are running
Through my head
They are trying to change
My channel,
But I don't wish to
Be changed
I am staying tuned, you
Selfish bastard!
Watch what I have
To offer
It's quality programming
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Prince
I am a prince within
These walls of rock
Falling only to myself
On a bended knee
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Dark and Stormy
I am a dark and stormy night
I shall rain down upon your head
My dark and clouds loom, a masked threat
Prepared to shake down the heavens
I shall wield my lightning
With it I strike you down
Do not tremble before me
Witness my power in all its glory
Be arisen
Be amazed
I am but a fleeting glimpse
Grasp for me whilst you can
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A Lump (I think I like this one....read?)
I am a lump on a mattress
Which, I am told, is not good
But love is all that matters
I'm just terribly misunderstood
I try to offer you comfort,
And get repaid with scorn
I love you in my own way
You curse the day I was born
I have known you well,
And I think you have known me too
How could you get rid of me?
Don't you know I love you?
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The Career For Me
I would like to be a doctor,
The man to turn to when you're ill
I'll do my best to make you worse,
And then stick you with a huge bill
Being a priest would be very fine
Though I don't do religion,
I do see God all the time
I could be a barber
The sound of scissors I would hear
I may get distracted,
But who really needs two ears?
The police would want me on their side
I may break the law,
But think of all the drugs we'd find
I would like to be a butcher,
So I could cut up meat
Then I could butcher up my family,
And sell them on the street
Writing would be fun to do
I'm even literate,
Giving me a head start over you
I could be a man-whore
I'd do my clients well
Then I would slice upon their bellies,
Using their intestines to bungee jump to hell
Music has always been the place to be
Smoking a joint
Won't you come sing with me?
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Intoxication and Masturbation (this is vulgar, if you couldn't figure it out...you've been warned)
I am to be instructed
In the fine arts
Of intoxication
And I am told that
Stress is relieved
With masturbation
...so...
When I went out
To a party
I got plastered
Then I went out
On the lawn
To be mastered
...well...
I was well gone,
With myself hanging out
When the lights came on,
And the people did shout
The police were there
Stressing everyone out,
But I didn't care,
I just sat about
...finally...
I must say I do agree
I sat here, the cops didn't see
Because I was completely without stress
Now all I have to do is clean up this mess
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I was wondering if anyone would comment about that posting twice in the period of a day. I know the rules, and was planning on waiting until the next day (it was 11 PM or so at the time) to make the thread. Unfortunately I got involved in something else, and forgot about waiting to post. My bad.
About your points:
1) I was stoned at the time of applying, and while writing that poem...which also may explain why I chose to pick this piece for an application poem.
2) I'd be disappointed if it were any other way.
and the P.S....yeah, I'm a very delusional individual
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A very nice read. I didn't find it difficult to follow the beat in the least.
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Reverie: You're absolutely correct, I love attention, so long as it's not real. Thanks for noticing.
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I don't think of you as stupid, and I always love to hear another person talk. My problem is sometimes I love to hear myself talk a little too much as well. I know I may be a little shocking, but you really have to know me to understand the things I say. I'm a very sarcastic individual, and I do joke around too much at times. You'll have to forgive me my faults, but I am what I am. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate you spending the time to speak your mind.
Trust
in Banquet Room Archives
Posted
An interesting read.
Oh, and some nitpicking on my part...
truthfull...should it not be truthful?
therefor is a word, but I've always been used to the therefore spelling myself, but I guess to each their own...