Brute

Culex Veteran Posts: 3000 Registered: Nov 2000 posted February 03, 2001 01:46 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://arch17.magewar.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000403.html MWAHAHAHAHA! You don't need to buy it if you can steal it! I still don't have my squirrel hero and in this long dead post, I have only 255 posts compared to my 680 posts now. Doesn't this make you laugh, brute I win the decanter ------------------ ____________________________ Culex The Shapeshifter Bane Of Terra Destroyer Of Pillagers Owner Of The Four Elements People can die by FOoD poisoning! White always conquers Darkness! Remember that time when you killed that dominion? He is back! Multi-mages must DIE!!! [This message has been edited by Culex (edited February 03, 2001).] IP: Logged Tyrion Moderator Posts: 1821 Registered: Dec 2000 posted February 03, 2001 09:00 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by lumpenproletariat: I am totally irresponsible, and I do not deserve the Decanter of Endless Booze. [/b] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- See? I can do it also. ------------------ Creator of the Dispenser of Infinite Soda, for all of us here under 18. Yes, that includes you, lumpen! IP: Logged Cheyenne Veteran Posts: 510 Registered: Sep 2000 posted February 03, 2001 06:49 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey Brute~ Glad to see the Contest, sad that you have to leave us. Now, to business on hand...Why I should inherit the Decanter of Endless Booze.. 1) I inherited your Title in the Guild. 2)I could get drunk of my own accord without the Doc's groping hands... 3)I could get Doc in the mood to use groping hands without having to shed a single layer of clothing. 3)It would always come in handy if I made a huge error in judgement as the Guild Leader...I could always say, "Brute made me do it, he taught me the evil ways of the Decanter".... 4)I would have all of Terra groveling at my feet not just Doc and Wyvern... 5)I would, of course, throw you a huge going away party! [This message has been edited by Cheyenne (edited February 03, 2001).] IP: Logged Sin Slayer Newbie Posts: 4 Registered: Jan 2001 posted February 03, 2001 08:21 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Too many long replys, My answer is just break the bottle: if it is bottomless, all of the alcohol will comeout when the glass breaks. ****The rest is not important, feel free to ignore it**** During a roleplaying session: "...Ok, Malius just detected a poison in your drinks, if you consume it it will deal 4d4 damage directly to your hp" Dwarf: "Ach' eez stil goot!" GM: "But there is POISON in there!" Dwarf: "Yef, ard ther's alcoho'l a ther to! So whats your point!" *Starts Drinking* BAM! thank god your a dwarf or youed be dead Dwarf: "wha? is a bity li'le booze to hard to take lad!" -in retro spect, (yes, two words) i shulnt a posted dat laddi. Dwarf with booze: Human with same booze: IP: Logged Myrad Dragon Newbie Posts: 17 Registered: Feb 2001 posted February 03, 2001 08:53 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Go to http://board.archmage.co.kr/ASubbKR/Forum2/HTML/000143.html im not in it for the booze- but if you are looking for laughs, and havent seen theachspace forum go ahead IP: Logged Myrad Dragon Newbie Posts: 17 Registered: Feb 2001 posted February 03, 2001 09:06 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- actually, how much (in cheese) would you sell your decanter for? IP: Logged Myrad Dragon Newbie Posts: 17 Registered: Feb 2001 posted February 03, 2001 09:19 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by brute: I deem Myself the winner, in that I already posses it and do not, infact, need to giveover control to any of you, please stop posting these annoying messages and go back to your daily drinking. Brute, Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You guys didnt catch this? he said it a while ago, sheese youz been wasting your time! IP: Logged Gyrfalcon Moderator Posts: 1401 Registered: Mar 2000 posted February 03, 2001 11:13 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ouch, now that was evil, Myrad.... now to send you back to your own demension! Gyrfalcon casts Gate on Myrad Dragon, sending him careening back to the universe where Archspace is located, coincidentally landing him in the Nimball game. Note: Brute did not say any such thing, at least on this string. Carry on with your bids and stories. IP: Logged Haruchi Veteran Posts: 506 Registered: Dec 2000 posted February 04, 2001 12:20 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Brute, Gimme the Decanter, and I'll send you all the money I save on booze. Yours sincerely, Haruchi. ps On second thought, I'll spend all the money I would have saved on booze on floaties to save from drowning in a pool of booze all the mages who passout in the pools of booze I will leave all over Terra pps I need something to spice up my sig ppps I won't actually buy those floaties, I think drowning in booze is a pretty good way to go. Instead, I will erect a shrine to Booze, and honour you as the original Prophet of Booze. pppps Then again, I think what I'll do is spend all the money I save on Booze to buy up all the Holy Grails, and use the Grails to drink Booze from. That way, someone will finally find a use for the Holy Grail ppppps Ok, I'm done ------------------ "Despair I can live with: it's the hope that kills me." John Cleese, Clockwise [This message has been edited by Haruchi (edited February 04, 2001).] IP: Logged lumpenproletariat Veteran Posts: 2794 Registered: Sep 2000 posted February 04, 2001 12:41 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by Gyrfalcon: Ouch, now that was evil, Myrad.... now to send you back to your own demension! Gyrfalcon casts Gate on Myrad Dragon, sending him careening back to the universe where Archspace is located, coincidentally landing him in the Nimball game. Note: Brute did not say any such thing, at least on this string. Carry on with your bids and stories. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- thats all you say? delte his spamming!, oh I forgot, you are the lazy one in the circle of mods ------------------ -Lumpenproletariat Kleptomaniac of terra A SoB on B2 Member of the Zombie Club Leader of FOoD, and its parent company RTCYSIA on Beta "I've cracked 1500 baby"-Misha "tea spoon for tea cups, table spoon for table cups, dessert spoon for fat chicks"--Some drunk guy I met on the beach IP: Logged Culex Veteran Posts: 3000 Registered: Nov 2000 posted February 04, 2001 05:22 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LOL! Gyrfalcon saw a post which was in the BH that belonged to HoS. What did he do? He posted saying: quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by Gyrfalcon: This is a HoS post. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- But didn't move it at all! Can you get a lazier mod? Post-Script: I forgot the name of the thread. Lumpen help me recall it! You know I have bad memory ------------------ ____________________________ Culex The Shapeshifter Bane Of Terra Destroyer Of Pillagers Owner Of The Four Elements People can die by FOoD poisoning! White always conquers Darkness! Remember that time when you killed that dominion? He is back! Multi-mages must DIE!!! IP: Logged Alamar Veteran Posts: 32 Registered: Feb 2001 posted February 04, 2001 06:15 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I believe I should own the one and only, Decanter of Endless Booze...For simple reasons that I will use the decanter to liven up the world by creating new magics. After all, just having beer in pools on the ground isn't much fun...Have living beer, beer elemental (attack type ranged paralyze) would work a lot better and thus would be a lot more fun... ah hell, this ain't ever going to work. Anyways, I own the cool elemental, Elementos! *summons up Elementos, The Cool Elemental, which looks cool* There are so many forces of magic left untapped...deadheads for black...Summon music band for red...hey, when your hot, your hot "I WISH FOR IT!!!!!" *suddenly, the sky darkens as everyone becomes quiet...and the letters IT, 40 feet tall, and made out of stone fall down out of the sky, landing right in front of alamar* Hmm...oops...Well come on? PLEASE?? ------------------ Alamar "Oops...nother wish gone bad." Owner of the Ancient Spell - Summon Cool Elemental, Elementos IP: Logged Racouol Veteran Posts: 392 Registered: Mar 2000 posted February 04, 2001 09:45 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Racouol was at home wearing an apron with the words kiss the cook on it and baking is famous muffins. He had his Crystal Ball tuned into TNS (Terra's News Station) listening to the going on in the world. He just started cooking his scrambled dragon eggs. The Crystal ball then turned black and shortly afterwards it started making a beeping noice. *beep,beepbeep,beep* "Hello this is Juno Squat in with this special news story. It seems that Brute, longtime owner of the decenter of endless booze, is now giving the decenter away to the person who gives him the best reason as to why they should have it. Any of those mages that havent heard about this till now should get down as soon as possible to see if they can get this prized item. We now turn to Robyn Swallows. Hello Robyn, are you there?" No one answered. "ahem, it seems that Robyn is not going to give us the rest of the story. This was Juno...." The crystal ball shattered on the floor as Racouol ran passed it. Racouol flew out the door and started running to the other side of the world where the contest was being held. He put the frying pan that was used to make the scrambled dragoneggs, which now littered the floor in Racouol's Kitchen, as a heat shield as he started to run faster than sound and almost reached the sound of light. At the gathering Wyvern turned around and saw a huge fireball headed at the group at a very high speed. "Everybody watch out. All the somewhat important mages turned around and leapt out of the way of the giant fireball while the nonimportant ones, including Robyn Swallows and her crew, were instantly insinerated. The ground then started rumbling as if something moving at a great speed was trying to come to a complete stop. A mountain seemed to start rising out of nowhere in front of the now slowing fireball. Finally the Fireball stopped and was extinguished. Racouol was now standing right infront of the newly created mountain. In his hand was a frying pan that was glowing white. Lumperdipanimegod or whatever started running towards Racouol yelling "You can not have it, It is mine Racoon!!!!!" Racouol started walking towards the contest area and stopped when Lumpytrouserking or whatever reached him. "Well Lumpster, I know you want this badly but I shall win the desenter of endless booze." Lumppatroliamoil or whatever then got enraged by being called Lumpster and jumpped for Racouol's neck with the intent to kill or seriously maim. Racouol simply swung the frying pan and *splat*. Racouol looked at his frying pan and saw that it had enveloped Lumpentroliam or whatever's head. It then dawned on Racouol that the frying pan was so hot that it was half melted and was now solidifying around Lumpster's head. Not wanting to be the bad guy he tried pulling it off Lumpsters face. It was no good, the frying pan had now cooled off to the point where it was now solid. Sighing, Racouol then cast a spell causing the frying pan to get so hot it turned white again and with a slurping sound the fryingpan slid off Lumpentoriams or whatever's now melted face. Racouol then walked up to Brute as started telling the reasons why he should have the decenter. "If I had the Decenter of endless Booze then I would make sure that I would supply it to everyone for free. I would create lakes of booze as you said we had to do but I would also include it in all my cooking." Racouol then pulled out a huge book about 6ft by 6ft by 6ft labled cooking with booze. "I plan on making it so that all the food in Terra as at least a wee bit of an alcahol content in it. I also will see to it that all the mages will be too drunk to fight amongst each other ending all war as we know it. I will use it to bring peice to Terra at last. I even made you a gift." Racouol pulled out a muffin from his pocket and gave it to Brute. "that muffin contains in it the highest quality Ol' Pecuilar that can be found in all of Terra." OOC: Hey Brute I am sorry to see you leave. If you want E-mail me sometime. ------------------ Racouol Father of Darkness The Golden Lord Lord of Nightmares Bearer of Deep Pockets Guildmaster of The Brotherhood of the Night IP: Logged lumpenproletariat Veteran Posts: 2794 Registered: Sep 2000 posted February 04, 2001 07:28 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sound of light ay? thats a new one ah, you definitely deserve a second place Racoon. ------------------ -Lumpenproletariat Kleptomaniac of terra A SoB on B2 Member of the Zombie Club Leader of FOoD, and its parent company RTCYSIA on Beta "I've cracked 1500 baby"-Misha "tea spoon for tea cups, table spoon for table cups, dessert spoon for fat chicks"--Some drunk guy I met on the beach IP: Logged Wyvern Veteran Posts: 732 Registered: Jul 2000 posted February 05, 2001 07:00 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Say... If Racouol deserves second place, then does that mean I deserve third...? Lumpenproletariat and Racouol look at each other for a moment. "More like 27th" Oh, by the way, I'm throwing a formal going away party for Brutesy in the Conservatory. The addy is: http://arch17.magewar.com/ubb/Forum36/HTML/000152.html for those who wish to join... ------------------ Wyvern ...almost a dragon. IP: Logged Cheyenne Veteran Posts: 510 Registered: Sep 2000 posted February 05, 2001 07:29 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by Sin Slayer: My answer is just break the bottle: if it is bottomless, all of the alcohol will comeout when the glass breaks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just to let you all know, the Decanter, not bottle, glass or any some such, is indestructable (meaning unbreakable) It is also theft proof, spell proof and a helluva good time.

brute Veteran Posts: 216 Registered: Mar 2000 posted February 01, 2001 09:58 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hullo all. Actually it's not for sale, but rather will be given away to the mage who can best tell me why he/she deserves it. Rules of the contest: 1. One offer per mage. 2. One week to compose your offers. (or close to it) 3. ANy attempts at theft will cause the mage to forfeit the contest. Although, clever and witty attempts, while doomed to fail, may possibly be counted as your one entry. 4. Make me laugh. The winner will recieve the DEcanter of Endless Booze and will be charged with the responsibility of providing for all the unfortunate mages who are without an andless supply of alcohol. The new Owner will find that the Decanter is quite theft-proof, indestructable, and is a nice conversation starter at parties. You, as the new Owner, will be required to periodically create pools of booze for the denizens of Terra to frolick in. In all signatures, the title of Owner of the Decanter of ENdless Booze shall be first and foremost, coming before all other titles. hmm...I think that about covers everything. remember...you only have about one week to get your entries in. everyone is invited to join, even those that do not want the responsibility of Ownership( just mention that in the entry please). Brute, Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze IP: Logged Aegon Veteran Posts: 252 Registered: Jun 2000 posted February 01, 2001 10:58 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brute, I'll join in, owning that Decanter of yours has kinda become an ambition of mine. Well, to tell the truth, I may not be able to join in, you know how Yui feels about me and the Decanter. I don't know what she has against it... I mean, is it really my fault that I get her raving drunk everytime I borrow it ? *grins* She does some fun things when she's drunk, but I can't tell you that here, the Whips and Chains would frighten the Adult Audiance, and the rest is classified.... there are kids around you know !!! Anyhows, if I convince her, my offer will follow shortly. My offer will follow shortly. IP: Logged brute Veteran Posts: 216 Registered: Mar 2000 posted February 01, 2001 11:32 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Heh,heh...you are most welcome to join in the contest, Aegon! say..did you notice that slthough she deinies after posting, she admitted to being a nymph in another thread in this board? the thread was something like "My push for ownership of the DEcanter.." started by Lumpy. oops. sorry everyone!! I got off topic. Havent seen Aegon in a while and wanted to say hullo. Carry on with the contest!!!!!! Brute, Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze IP: Logged Dorin Veteran Posts: 400 Registered: Jul 2000 posted February 01, 2001 11:42 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm a dwarf... dwarfs like booze... expecially endless supplies of them... i got reincarnated as an elf... that kinda damaged the dwarven psyche... so much for booze.. as a dwarf i collect artifacts... unfortunately the word "share" isn't hidden in the word "collect".... as an elf i picked up the occupation of a bard... unfortunately, previously being a dwarf makes for "interesting" stories... but other races just don't understand the difference between low-grade and premium quality burlap.... i don't think i am qualified... but it's the thought that counts right? while i'm at it... anyone need any high-grade burlap? IP: Logged Hydrus Veteran Posts: 952 Registered: Mar 2000 posted February 01, 2001 12:14 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OOC: Wow, another Dwarf! Funny, how we're all flushed out when someone mentions an endless bottle of Booze. IC: Greetings Brute. I am Hydrus, the Vengful Dwarf. I am an old mage, been round on these here boards fer too long now, i mean, when someone gets a sig as long as mine, you know that theyre either very old, or mad. Or both in my case. I am well known (at least i think i am) on the App boards, where, if you like, you can consider my entry inot this competition, the thread, "Egg and Spoon Race: Incarnate vs Hydrus" That would make, if, in the event i was to win, the ownership partly Inacrnates, whos a good friend of mine. I find this annonying, but hey, he probably would have conned me into sharing it with him anyway. However, if you are not Australian, or not a regular patron of the App boards then a large portion of the 'comedy' there may remain a mystery to you. If you are neither of these things, please tell me, and I'll write something new. ------------------ Hydrus The Vengful Dwarf Scribe of the Book of Grudges 98th Slayer King Baker of Muffins Lover of Bugmans XXXXXXXX Coolest Dwarf around Wears his shorts past his knees Can smash a beer can on his head Owns Expensive Sunglasses Surfs Proud owner of a rather long sig, but not quite nearly as long as P51's. "We're drunk and Grumpy, let's beat the hell out of something!" DSC guild Motto, App HYDRUS "Cheese is your friend, until it tries to kill you." Evil Spoon Wielders, A1 HYDRUS "Squellch Squellch!" Maniacal Psychos of Entropy, Beta. SPLEEN " The only reason some people are still alive is that it's illegal to kill them." "Have you ever attemtpted to be yourself, when everybody wants you to be someone else?" Powderfinger. "I wish the real world would just stop hassiling me!" Matchbox 20 "If you're paying Peanuts you'll get monkeys" Powderfinger Wise man once said, if Pigsy is a Pig, and Sandy is a Fish and Monkey is a monkey, how come they protect a man, whose really a woman? Hah! dwarves have 100% Muffin resistance! "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-" Civil War General Kung-Fu Squirrels for ever! IP: Logged brute Veteran Posts: 216 Registered: Mar 2000 posted February 01, 2001 12:24 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THanks for the quick response, Hydrus. Since I dont get a chance to frequent the App boards as much as I would like to, I'm afraid I'll have to request that your entry needs to be unique to this thread. Thanks. Brute, Owner of the DEcanter of Endless Booze IP: Logged Hydrus Veteran Posts: 952 Registered: Mar 2000 posted February 01, 2001 12:48 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'll get right on it. ------------------ Hydrus The Vengful Dwarf Scribe of the Book of Grudges 98th Slayer King Baker of Muffins Lover of Bugmans XXXXXXXX Coolest Dwarf around Wears his shorts past his knees Can smash a beer can on his head Owns Expensive Sunglasses Surfs Proud owner of a rather long sig, but not quite nearly as long as P51's. "We're drunk and Grumpy, let's beat the hell out of something!" DSC guild Motto, App HYDRUS "Cheese is your friend, until it tries to kill you." Evil Spoon Wielders, A1 HYDRUS "Squellch Squellch!" Maniacal Psychos of Entropy, Beta. SPLEEN " The only reason some people are still alive is that it's illegal to kill them." "Have you ever attemtpted to be yourself, when everybody wants you to be someone else?" Powderfinger. "I wish the real world would just stop hassiling me!" Matchbox 20 "If you're paying Peanuts you'll get monkeys" Powderfinger Wise man once said, if Pigsy is a Pig, and Sandy is a Fish and Monkey is a monkey, how come they protect a man, whose really a woman? Hah! dwarves have 100% Muffin resistance! "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-" Civil War General Kung-Fu Squirrels for ever! IP: Logged Bead Administrator Posts: 235 Registered: Mar 2000 posted February 01, 2001 02:52 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Um hi, I um think I should get the um holy grail, because um I am a Newbie and I um need all the help I can get, and the sweet taste of the bitter waters of the fountain of youth might um help me figure out how to cast Domininions and um it might help me keep all my um buildings from um disappearing... Bead the Newbie IP: Logged Tyrion Moderator Posts: 1821 Registered: Dec 2000 posted February 01, 2001 03:47 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have to enter this contest! I really think you should give ME the Decanter of Endless Booze, because I am the only one who knows how to use it correctly. I also promise that I will share the contents of the Decanter with everyone who is worthy of it. I, myself, will not take any of its booze, to leave more to the others. I will also give smaller quantities to anyone under 18, like lumpenproletariat. But then again, maybe he does not deserve any at all, because of the suffering he caused to Tesla with his 14 page thread ( in which I have the most post ). I will conclude by saying how much I admire you Brute (you deserve a capital . Hello Bead, we welcome newbies in AM, and I am pretty sure you are one, because I don't remember seeing your name anywhere. The holy Grail is a VERY useful item, and you get dominions by casting contract of the soul. Dominions can also be recruited if you are lucky. The reason your building disappeared is that you bid in the black market, each time you do, your buildings are destroyed. Have fun! IP: Logged Spartacus of Legion Veteran Posts: 288 Registered: Jan 2001 posted February 01, 2001 03:52 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hya well I will be writing something, but right now my court artisans and poets are all way to depressed with coming up with anything since I told them that Brute was no more...... Couldn't I borrow it for a while to...gain some inspiration? Sparts IP: Logged Theurgist Veteran Posts: 1351 Registered: Nov 2000 posted February 01, 2001 03:55 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Being too young to legally drink, I must folow a passion of every person under 18- ALCHOHAL CONSUMPTION! So...this isn't exactly something I'd handle irresponsiblly(unless i'm drunk, then what i just said doesn't count). In short, gimme the DEcanter of Endless Booze, so that I may become drunk and help other underage people. IP: Logged dr weir Newbie Posts: 2 Registered: Oct 2000 posted February 01, 2001 06:45 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey Brute, I can think of a couple good reasons to let me take ownership of the decanter. -Could you imagine Dr Weir drunk all the time. -What better cure than Alcohol to heal the sick. Bwah ha ha ha. -I could get Cheyenne Drunk and take advantage of her. -I could get Wyvern drunk and kick the Sh@$ out of him for hitting on Cheyenne. --Think of the parties!!! ------------------ Dr Weir IP: Logged lumpenproletariat Veteran Posts: 2794 Registered: Sep 2000 posted February 01, 2001 09:22 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok, here goes brute (you knew I'd post) Almost immediately brutes call to mages from all around the land, for a very innappropriate, yet popular reason, mages flocked from all Terras for one common goal, brutes decanter. Mumur is through the crowd while people make their applications to brute, who is elevated upon a rather large deck chair (he is also quite obviously drunk). But however, one amongst all these mages stands out, his name is: Billy-Ray, known to his friends as "billah". In amongst the crowd of mages, he is the only one not attireded in Armor and Weapons, but rather; a large brimmed straw hat, an old red tartan shirt, blue over-alls (aka dunagrees {Don't know what in america})with one of the over-shoulder straps broken. He is wearing no footwear, but as all of his race do, has a piece of "chewin' grass" hanging out of his mouth. He had already made a few poor attemps at conversation with surrounding people, failing because of his slurred language, containing such expressions as, "confounded racoons' taking mah vega-tah-bulls" and "dang ol' betsy mah trukk needs a new tarr"(tire). One small elf takes pity on this poor looking fellow and tries to befriend him. A sad look on billys' face when the elf glanced at him told the elf all he needed to know, this man needed a friend. So the elf meandered on in Billys direction, and was shortly standing beside him. "So, why are you here?" The elf asks. Timidly Billy-Ray responds, "well, Ah heard dat dis kind ol' man is giving ah-way a faree al-kohole dee-canter." However, somewhat unfortunatly for Billy, the elf understodd not one word. While the elf was trying to interpret Billy's last speech, a loud crack to left of everyone announced someones arrival, this mystery mage quickly started running through the crowd, and shortly was on the small stage setup in front of brutes' giant lawn chair. Brute struggled to focus on this man, and was tempted to stand up and give him a piece of his mind for interupting the previous "contestant". But, however when he recognised who this person was, he yelled out "go ahead lumpenprolapdancer...or whatever!" So, Lunkajunkainnabunka started his speech. "Well, I think the decanter should be given to me because..." He rattled of a few very good reasons that brute seemed delighted with, unfortunatly for lumpadumpinastump..or whatever, the crowd wasn't as enthusiastic as brute. After yet more displeasing of the crowd by lumpybuttrottengut from his shouts of "Shut it you!" And,"Yeah, your sister said the same thing", Billy-Ray'd had enough, he promptly shouted out very loud "Get 'im Pa!, Its a real chase dis tahm!" Lumpocuppajoe was off as fast as he could be, as he had just witnessed everyone with 20 feet of Billy-Ray, turn to yes, hillbillies. Sadly, they were all totting a pichfork or burning torch. Stealing a quick glance behind him while sprinting away, Lumpaprolickastamp noticed that they were all getting into Billy's old red Ford pickup-"betsy". Lumpoprolateralmedialdorsal picked up the pace, but they had started chanting-"Get 'im, get 'im" in time to the banjo music that was being played by "old pa" sitting on his rocking chair. Lumpabumpachumbawumba was now at full speed, but the alcohol levels in his blood were too high, causing him to quickly slow down, and sit for a little while to gather his thoughts. Billy and his clan were upon quickly as you could say LumpybuttproPatBuchanan-or whatever. After a quiet escape during the ruckus of tartan and pichforks, lumpypotlarry'shat found himslef in a town called hicksville, 20 miles from nowheresville, "ack" he had just realised they had chased him all the way into their hometown, he stood no chance-it was clear. He took an assesment of his attire. After being prodded, poked, repeatedly slashed at, he was now in cut up pants, and had a straw hat stuck to his foot-much to his pleasure, he put the hat on his head, and found himslef fitting right in. He walked into the local tavern, he asked the barkeep for some ale, "Could I please have 1 jug of ale." lumpastumpabluepajama-or whatever's bad luck continued, and one of the locals next to him said "I hasn't seen you before, we don't take kindlah to strangers 'round here." Sensing more beatings on the horizon, he quickly left, and headed back in the direction he hoped was brutes home, to finish his speech for ownership of the decanter, he only hoped he was ion time, and dressed well enough.... Well, thats about all for now, if I think of some more funny stuff, I'll put more in. oh, and you wouldn't want to give it to Hydrus, he's an australian , New Zealanders are much more responsible ------------------ -Lumpenproletariat kleptomaniac of terra Member of the Zombie Club Leader of FOoD, and its parent company RTCYSIA on Beta "I've cracked 1500 baby"-Misha "tea spoon for tea cups, table spoon for table cups, dessert spoon for fat chicks"--Some drunk guy I met on the beach IP: Logged V Veteran Posts: 1629 Registered: Oct 2000 posted February 02, 2001 12:17 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Heard it makes a great kinky item to use at...uhh...nevermind. Need it to summon more nymphs at parties. You only have to spend 10 seconds reading this compared to the others. ------------------ V Spokesman for the intellectually challenged, Tactician for retarded maniacs, Stupidity is universal, Ignorance is bliss, I don't care bout' you. For the last time: Descent of Holy Being summons Dominions. IP: Logged Wyvern Veteran Posts: 732 Registered: Jul 2000 posted February 02, 2001 02:40 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shoot... I haven't been on the ol' boards for AGES. I should find more time to post around here really... But hey, what can I say? I got a reputation to upkeep in the Guild boards you know.... Well, anyway, hi everybody! I'm back on the UBB's! You miss me? (Grins showing a mouth full of rasor sharp teeth.) All at once: NOOOOOOOOO!!! Wyvern: Oh... Y-you didn't? "Shut up you overgrown lizard! Where in the **** is our money?! WE WANT OUR MONEY!!!" Wyvern suddenly remmembers the reason he had previously left the Boards. The enormous "Chicken Noodle" scandal (I would talk about it here, but it's FAR to horrific ). Wyvern tries to flee but alas, it is already to late. The crowd begins hurling spoiled packages of Wyvern brand "Chicken Noodle frickasee" at Wyvern. The packages, whose stale (and cheap) ingredients are hard as a rock, begin crashing into Wyvern. Billy-Ray has a particularly good arm, and hits Wyvern right smack in the face: "Take that ya varmint!". Soon, Wyvern has become buried in his own scandolous enterprise. Satisfied with their revenge, the angry mob leaves. Struggling, a wounded Wyvern makes his way out of the mountain of packages, gasping for air. Wyvern: (gasps) "The weight of the packages is O.K. It's the sickening smell that KILLS me." Anyways, on to business. Yes, this humble lizard would like the Decanter. Errr... I can't think of any reasons I deserve it. How about a couple of reasons I SHOULDN'T get the Decanter? 1) I would use the Decanter to my every advantage! I would forget about the others and focuss on my own needs (laughs evily). Of course, errr..., I'll make pools for the denizens. Or whatever. 2) I would wreck all havoc with the Decanter and use it as the ULTIMATE WEAPON. As I see it, the Decanter has two most powerfull uses. It can be used to flood and enemies terrain, drowning the citizens and destroying crops. It can be also used as a sort of infinite oil flask, as the alcohol is highly ignitable. I would gain SUPREME POWER! THEY SHALL BOW BEFORE ME!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! uhhh.... Of course, I'll share and stuff. Whatever. 3) I would make trillions, no, QUADZILLIONS of geld! I'll be rich I tell you! RICH!! The alcohol business is where all the money's at... uhhhh.... welll... A SCREW IT! Lumpy's probably going to get the damn thing anyway! Brute stares at Wyvern blankly. "Heh heh heh... but Brute, you didn't honestly think I'd give up the Decanter without a back-up plan did you...? I have kidnapped your brother! Give me the Decanter if you want to see him alive!" Wyvern whistles and two Red Dragons fly up into the sky, holding, what appears to be.... Dr. Weir. "You idiots! You got the wrong guy!" Brute stares angrily at Wyvern. "Heheheh... You know Brutesy, I was just kidding about that back-up plan. Uhhhh... (Brute advances steadily towards Wyvern, clenching his fists) got to go!" Wyvern gets the hell out of there. ------------------ Wyvern ...almost a dragon. IP: Logged thordain Veteran Posts: 2274 Registered: Sep 2000 posted February 02, 2001 08:58 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After long months of warring throughout terra, Armageddon about to begin... Brute turns to his buddy Thordain, "You know man, we've been conquering terra time and time again for the past millenia, and for what end? I mean we kick the snot out of each other in that free-for-all, armageddon, only to die anyway.. spend a couple 100 years in hell, until we get reincarnated to do the same shi* all over again... I am not sure how much longer I can take it." "Hey Brute ol buddy, tell ya what. My uncle has this place in Barbados.. whaddaya say we skip Armageddon this time around, sit on the pink sand beaches, do some deep sea fishing, hit the decanter... take it easy. Just a few buddies and the nymphs." 3 months later.... "Hey Brute, you know I've been thinking it is about time we head back to Terra.." "I dont know man... I kind of like it here. My tan is just becoming permanent, the fishing is good, and I really appreciate the way the nymphs look in bikinis... The only thing holding me to Terra right now, is the responsibility of distributing booze to all those poor mages without an endless supply..." "Well, I will tell you what. I will take care of the decanter for you, make sure the sober mages are few and far between.. and if you ever feel like coming back to terra, well of course the distributing responsibilities are yours once again." "I dont know Thordain. Responsibility of the decanter is a long and hard road... are you sure you are up to it?" "I think so.. this is the way I look at it. Two roads diverged in Terra, And sorry I can not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And look down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black, Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." -Thordain **everything is original of course IP: Logged lumpenproletariat Veteran Posts: 2794 Registered: Sep 2000 posted February 02, 2001 01:41 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I fogot to add to the end of my post... All characters are fictional, and any resemblence to real life people is entirely coincidental. ------------------ -Lumpenproletariat kleptomaniac of terra Member of the Zombie Club Leader of FOoD, and its parent company RTCYSIA on Beta "I've cracked 1500 baby"-Misha "tea spoon for tea cups, table spoon for table cups, dessert spoon for fat chicks"--Some drunk guy I met on the beach IP: Logged Tyrion Moderator Posts: 1821 Registered: Dec 2000 posted February 02, 2001 02:49 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your story is not good enough, you shouldn't get the Decanter of endless booze. I do not think that both decanters should be united. The second one being lumpen, the decanter of endless stupidity. IP: Logged lumpenproletariat Veteran Posts: 2794 Registered: Sep 2000 posted February 02, 2001 03:08 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- bah, I don't see your story anywhere elf boy ~ ~. So just take your nasty critisism else where meanwhile ------------------ -Lumpenproletariat Kleptomaniac of terra A SoB on B2 Member of the Zombie Club Leader of FOoD, and its parent company RTCYSIA on Beta "I've cracked 1500 baby"-Misha "tea spoon for tea cups, table spoon for table cups, dessert spoon for fat chicks"--Some drunk guy I met on the beach IP: Logged Tyrion Moderator Posts: 1821 Registered: Dec 2000 posted February 02, 2001 04:00 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Elf Boy? I am older than you are Elf Baby! Why do you keep changing your signature? Mine is so old, I don't even remember what it is anymore. I think the Decanter should be mine, because I am the most responsible mage in ALL of Terra! IP: Logged Glyn Veteran Posts: 203 Registered: Nov 2000 posted February 02, 2001 05:03 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I dunno. I think Lumpy should get it, me. IP: Logged Belizean Veteran Posts: 551 Registered: Oct 2000 posted February 02, 2001 05:55 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I will keep this short as a favor to you brute. I don't think I deserve but I do think dr. weir deserves it..... it would be great to see him try to get Cheyenne drunk..... lol! Thats my opinion. IP: Logged Drax Veteran Posts: 622 Registered: Nov 2000 posted February 02, 2001 06:47 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- although we all know that i have no chance in whell i am still going to try for this decanter of irresponsiblity aka decanter of endless booze over the past i have encountered many good times with the decanter so i feel(of course)that i am the most deserving of all(who doesn't) and i will uh hmm maybe post my entry later. so hey brute give me a few days and i'll get back to you and PLEASE dont end the competition before i respond i PROMISE i will be good ------------------ In the beginning god said let there be Vodka and said "it is good" next god said let there be light and said "whoa way too much light" (competetor in the quest for the decanter of endless booze) IP: Logged lumpenproletariat Veteran Posts: 2794 Registered: Sep 2000 posted February 03, 2001 01:31 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- uhhhh.... welll... A SCREW IT! Lumpy's probably going to get the damn thing anyway! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- very good...... quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I dunno. I think Lumpy should get it, me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- see?, how can you argue with stats Tyrion, now I'm going to quote your other post before you delete it. quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originaly posted by Tyrion Tyrion seeing his chance while many a noodle is being thrown quickly steals the decanter off brute and runs away laughing -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- See?, you should be disqualified j/k he didn't post that, just retorting for the fact that he is a midget ya know ------------------ -Lumpenproletariat Kleptomaniac of terra A SoB on B2 Member of the Zombie Club Leader of FOoD, and its parent company RTCYSIA on Beta "I've cracked 1500 baby"-Misha "tea spoon for tea cups, table spoon for table cups, dessert spoon for fat chicks"--Some drunk guy I met on the beach [This message has been edited by lumpenproletariat (edited February 03, 2001).]

This is something I found after a bit of searching in the old Archmage bulletin boards. It details the silly contest in which I gave away ownership of the DEcanter of Endless Booze. (what was I thinking?!?!) Anyway, I wanted to share this and perhaps with the sharing, somehow understand what I was thinking when I awarded it to Wyvern.

I think Vlad's idea of a rotating spotlight columnist is a good one. A monthly newsletter would require a lot of research and reading to keep up with poems, rp, stories, and news in general. If people rotate their columns, every week featuring someone else, it would allow the newsletter to be up to date (one can get really far behind on reading if ya skip a week or two..). I dunno. Prolly too late to make last minute changes anyway. another idea fer ya....see if people are willing to contribute story hooks for rp and very brief subjects for poetry and stories. Not too much...just something simple such as : war threatens two neighboring countries, a mysterious letter addressed to (insert willing role-player here) is found on the body of a dead messenger, etc... Perhaps some random names could be chosen each week, and each of the people chosen could be asked to contribute one idea for role-playing/stories/poems for the next newsletter. bleh. Seems whatever light was flickering within my head has popped and blown out. anyway, great idea on the newsletter. I could certainly use something like this.

At the bar, Brute could easily hear the dwarf's gravelly voice despite the noise of the patrons. He listened patiently while Jarom began to recite the history that Brute himself had told to his old friend. As he listened, his ebony hands wrapped around a mug that rested upon the bar and his pitch black eyes focused somewhere far beyond the mug before him. Memories long forgotten sprang into his mind, causing mild surprise from the pale mage at the clarity they still held for him. ***** A warm spring breeze blew from the southwest, slowly finding it's way across green, rolling meadows. Onward it blew, over low stone walls that delineated this field from that one, and over a small village bustling with people eager to be out of doors. The breeze danced and dipped across the village green, then moved on to gently tug at the clothes of several children. It tousled their hair, then sped along, making it's way towards the massive, somber castle that rested atop a hill overlooking the village below. Up a stone wall the warm wind flowed, and across the ramparts. It pulled the cloaks of armed men that walked there, then rose even more, finding an open window high in the keep. The wind wrapped around the man leaning against the window sill and whipped his dark hair across a deeply tanned face. Glittering blue eyes watched the sentries below making their rounds along the wall. His gaze swept further out, to the village beyond the wall and further still past the fields and searched the dark treeline. Past the thick forest, hazy hills rose abruptly from the land. His eyes searched among them for what he could not see, what he feared remained hidden. Movement below him drew his eyes down. A black laquered coach drawn by a team of horses rapidly approached the gatehouse. Mounted guards rode on either side of the coach and two guards in front flew banners. Even from this distance, he could make out the rampant lion embroidered in gold upon a field of crimson. The king's banner. The other banner that flew beside the king's held a yellow crescent upon a black field. The man squinted and scowled at the sight of the second banner. Karlo, the king's advisor was in that carriage. The frequent regret that he didn't kill Karlo years ago invaded the man's thoughts as he turned from the window. Regardless of who was with the king, he would need to be down there when they arrived.

What more can I say? The community of the Pen inspires. It is easy to feel overwhelmed when rubbing shoulders daily with people like Ozy, Orlan, Tzimm, Yui, Wyvern, Peredhil, and so many others. The list goes on and grows with every new member. But regardless of whatever feelings each of us harbors for a particular person or persons in the Pen, I've noticed that everyone grows into giants in their own way. Including you, Falcon. This isn't to say that we lose this respect for our peers. Personally, I frequently go long periods before posting simply because I feel that certain standards should be kept when I post. Not a bad thing, I think. It just makes for really slow posts. We carry respect for each other as we gain literary skill and strength. The "Pen community feeling", as Peredhil describes, is my gentle shore along a river of life. I can always reconnect and find comfort when the waters grow turbulent. For that, bless each and every one of you. Having spoken his mind, Brute takes off the Mantle of Touchy-Feely Warm Fuzzies and slurps down some of Wyvern's booze.

The old dwarf moved slowly among the tavern's patrons,and amid their racous laughter and their boastful tales, he found an empty table not too far from the glowing hearth. His hazel eyes peered from under his stern brow, regarding the crowd gathered within the Pen's tavern. He approved of this place, for it mostly held folk who came for the frequent tales and songs. Jarom had seen more than enough rough taverns and inns that held nothing but thieves, brawlers, and worse. He felt too old for that environment now. The dwarf removed from his pouch a carved pipe and a pouch of good tobacco. He packed the bowl tightly and lit it, drawing long puffs of blue smoke from the stem of the pipe. Jarom motioned for a mug of ale, then looked over the crowd once more. He instantly caught sight of a looming figure entering the tavern. Jarom regarded the fellow as ebony hands reached up to remove the cowl that hung around the newcomer's head. Jarom knew before seeing the bald and pallid head who it was. Several patrons warmly greeted Brute as the massive mage completed his daily journey to the bar. Settling into his familiar stool, Brute glanced around the room. As his ebony eyes fell upon the elder dwarf, Brute shot a mischievious grin to Jarom, who returned it with a scowl and a few muttered words. Jarom squinted at Brute then raised his mug to his bearded mouth, blocking his view. When Jarom lowered the mug, Brute was talking and laughing with several other patrons. Jarom released a sigh and puffed again at his pipe. "Every night it is the same. He comes in here and nearly drinks the place dry. What could possibly drive a man to drink so?", a soft voice asked. "That is the way of drunkards such as he," came a swift and harsh reply. Jarom swung his head around to see who had spoken. A pretty young lady and a stern-faced man sat at the table next to Jarom, both staring intently at Brute. The girl held a hint of pity in her eyes while the man's face was filled with contempt as he watched Brute finish another mug of strong ale. The dwarf regarded each for a moment, then spoke. "You know nothing, lad. Watch yer tongue when you speak of Brute," Jarom growled. The man reddened indignantly and opened his mouth. "Listen here, you old..." The girl quickly laid her hand lightly upon the man's arm and interupted him. "Please, I am new to this place and have seen this man they call Brute. He intrigues me. I've asked several people about him and while many know him, noone seems to know about him. Do you know him well enough to answer a few questions?" Jarom glared harshly at the girl. For several long moments, neither one spoke as the dwarf seemed to measure the two youngsters with his gaze. Finally, he answered her. "Aye, girl. If you've got some time, I suppose I can enlighten you a bit about Brute." Jarom looked across the room and watched Brute for a moment, his old weathered face unreadable, then he turned back to the man and the woman before him. "Contrary to what many think," Jarom began, "Brute doesn't drink for simple love of booze. Well, not entirely, anyway. No lass, he drinks to forget." Jarom took a slow puff from his pipe as his mind recalled the long and dark tale of Brute's past. "He's lived an unnaturally long life, you see, so it begins even before I was born."

From somewhere within the Pen's keep, Brute suddenly feels an irresistable urge to release a deep sigh and rolls his eyes. (Brutesy Wootesy???????) *chuckle*

Brute's hulking form pauses in the shadows as Melba sheds her tears. He silently waits until the rotund secretary has passed far down the hall before leaving his dark sanctuary. The pale mage reads the brief introduction and nods, a grin forming upon his white face that reaches the ebony eyes. "So, she finally applied. Well done, love." A loud snorting noise alerts Brute to the return of Melba. Quickly, Brute hastens away from a potentially dangerous scene with a word of power that transports him to a safe location: the booze hall. (finish the story, kiddo! )

A knock echoed through the bedchambers of the lord of the manor, the sound carrying across the stone floor strewn with empty flasks, flagons, bottles and beakers. Over to the immense bed, a thing seemingly carved from great and ancient trees and littered with heaps of thick blankets, the sound of the knock rang in the ears of the bed's occupants. A thick groan from underneath the layers of blankets answered as an ebony hand emerged from them. "Go 'way!" was the muffled response. Mr. Tuttles cautiously opened the door and cleared his throat loudly. "Ahem! Sire, please forgive the intrusion, but I'm afraid you've a visitor waiting downstairs. He insists on seeing you immediately." Tuttles heard a stirring and the beginnings of muffled curses, each one dark and withering. In an attempt to save himself from Brute's anger, the servant quickly added,"It's Aegon, milord. Er..Lord Aegon, that is...waiting below." Tuttles peered around the edge of the door into the bedchambers and saw Brute's pale, bald head emerge from under the blankets. his ebony eyes widened at the name of his friend. "Aegon's here?" Brute asked, in an astonished voice. In a sudden movement. he swept the blankets back and rose from the bed. "Come, my love. We've a dear friend to greet." The now-exposed woman in the bed smiled at Brute and glanced towards Mr. Tuttles. She grinned evilly as the prim and proper servant quickly averted his eyes while growing a deep shade of crimson. "Don't you think we should get dressed first?" Kate asked innocently. Brute looked down at his pale and unclothed body, then grinned foolishly. "Oh. I suppose so." Several minutes later, a fully dressed Brute and his lady, Kate, approached the main hall. Brute's curiousity grew as he began to hear a growing number of voices. "I thought Tuttles said only Aegon was here," said Kate. "He did," Brute mumbled in reply. His steps quickened in anticipation. Who could be here with Aegon, other than Yui? Brute's mouth dropped in amazement as he stepped into the main hall. Never before had so many people crowded the hall. His eyes quickly scanned the crowd that milled about, passing over many of his dearest friends before finding a pair of clear blue eyes that happened to meet his. With a fiendish smile, Aegon stood and raised his glass. As he did, the guests seemed to all turn at once and yell, "Surprise!!" Kate shied behind Brute's broad frame as a surge of people came forward to wish him a happy birthday. Brute's pale face was filled with a look of wonderment and joy as he accepted each thoughtful gift and greeted each of the guests. A tear rolled down his face as he stammered," You guys...you're all the best! Even you, Wyvern." From somewhere in the back of the hall, a party-goer was sure he heard the signal, and lit his flashlight, to a rather spectacular result. (Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!!!! I really enjoyed this! This transformed my birthday from incredible to..well, better than incredible! You folks are the best!)

Well, Hullo! It's certainly been a long while since I've seen you around. Oddly enough, just the other day, I was listening to that first (I think it was the first) CD that Wyvern produced; the soundtrack for the SoB gang. Of course I wondered how you and the other lost members whose names appeared on the CD's cover were all doing. What a coincidence! You've come along and answered that for yourself. It's wonderful to hear from you again. I've been extremely quiet around here lately, but that's mainly due to the fact that I've never a spare moment to check in here. Wyvern's around somewhere, Brute waves a hand around in the air so you may expect him to stop in and say hi. So, feel free to explore around, meet some of the folks in here, and start to write, write, write! In the mean time, let's go knock off a few barrels of Bruteweiser, shall we? With a grin that nearly splits his pale face, Brute leads Immortalis to the nearest tavern.

From out of his shadowy alcove, Brute makes an appearance, the first in perhaps months. The tall, pale mage lumbers over to Yui-chan and bows before her, presenting a gift. His deep voice rumbles softly, "Happy birthday, kiddo. If I'd have been a little less excited about the trip, I may have remembered and given you a real gift. My apologies." Brute's ebony eyes twinkle with mirth as Yui examines her gift...a sturdy car-jack. "Just in case," he says with a grin. Happy birthday, Yui! I hope you and Aegon have a great time!

No long good-byes, Tass. I truly wish you the best in all that you do. I do agree with what has been said already. There's a good chance you'll be back one day. When that day arrives, (and it had better!) you will find a warm reception welcoming you back within the fold, my friend. The Pen's not going anywhere. You go take care of yerself and come back to see us when you can. We're gonna miss ya.

hmm... Initially, I was lured in here because Oz or Wyvern (I'm not sure which) mentioned free booze. Oh, that still keeps me around, of course, but I've found that I've become quite attached to all of you folks that frequent this place. I've found that the Pen is a remarkable place to weather out the myriad of problems that seem to trouble the heart. It is also a place to express our joys, accomplishments, and even the mundane feelings of mid-afternoon Tuesday blahs. Although I hate to admit it, booze seems to pale in comparison to all of you folks. The Pen is alive through each one of it's unique members. You guys and gals make this place special. But don't get me wrong, the free booze is great. As for the writing...as I've never actually completed anything that I can recall, I feel I can't comment on that part. The urge to write hits me so infrequently, I can't say too much about it. I suppose that life's to blame there in some way. It's funny...sometimes it seems that lack of the necessary urge to write is slowly alienating me from the rest of the Pen community. A sobering thought, to be sure, but one definately worth thinking about.

Today is Degenero's birthday, so I get to be the first to say "Happy Birthday, Deg!" Hope it's an excellent one. Brute pats Deg on the back and hands him a beautiful tankard worked in silver and gold. "May your cup always be full," he intones as he begins to fill the tankard with his personal stash of booze. "Ummm, I wouldn't recommend showing this to Wyvern." Happy birthday, Deg. Make it a great one!

Meanwhile, in a tavern not far away... Brute's pale head shot up from the table he had been sleeping on and his ebony eyes opened wide. "Wyvern! I forgot to mention..." he shouted. As abrubtly as he had been startled out of his slumber, Brute promptly forgot whatever it was he forgot to mention to Wyvern. In fact, Brute could not recall talking to Wyvern in the past few days. A frown crossed his pale face as he pondered his unusual awakening, then with a shrug of his broad shoulders, Brute dismissed the thought and summoned a drowsy barkeep to fetch breakfast. The barkeep set down Brute's meal, two tall tankards of stout booze and walked away with a yawn. Brute slouched in his chair as a warm smile crept over his face. Once again, he'd had that alluring and elusive dream of oceans of booze.

In this addendum to last week's lesson, I will very briefly answer a few of the questions posed. Half elves do gain some benefits from both human and elven stock; the build of a human with a longer lifespan from the elves. Goody for you. They are ridden with uncertainties about their lineage, though. As a half-elf, you should remind the other party members at every chance how confusing life is as a half breed. That way, when you suddenly push an irritating party member over the edge of a ravine, you simply look appalled at what you've done and say, "Gosh! I was just so confused and didn't realize what I was doing." However, the remaining party members will likely make plans to rid themselves of the psychopathic half-elf the first chance they get, so make sure your character never sleeps. Kenders. How could I forget kenders. These jolly little vagrants can become the scourge of any party, sometimes doing more damage than an ogre with a toothache. While they are pathetically weak and feeble, kenders make up for this with the abilility to rob a knight of his sword, armor, and horse, then be half a league away before the knight notices. The downside to this is the party members will know and expect that, so don't act surprised when every night they hold you by the ankles and shake you thoroughly until every last of their belongings fall from your pockets, you little thief. I firmly believe that kenders are impish agents of Chaos. Therefore, it is strongly recommended that you spread chaos among the party. Replacing valuables of other party members every morning would be a good start , as would 'correcting' any maps vital to the party's mission while no one is looking. Keep in mind that while doing any activity along this nature, kenders must always keep an innocent face. It won't fool anyone except possibly the orc, but it helps add flavor to your character.

Change is inevitable. Embrace it, and welcome it, for it is both the light and the darkness of our souls that strengthen us. Only knowing one of those two aspects of ourselves breeds weakness, despite what we tell ourselves. Live! Live each day fully, and work hard at allowing the past to remind and teach, not lead. Your heart and mind should always do that for you.

Brute stares at the long-lost Bard of Terra in utter amazement, then regains his tongue. Holy Cow! Boaz!! Where the heck have ya been? My, my! I'm absolutely delighted to see you here. Come in, relax, and have a barrel of Bruteweiser. I'm sure the others will be as amazed as I to see you again. (Welcome to the Pen, Boaz! I do hope that you will be planning on frequent visits here. )

Lesson topic for the day: Choosing a race. Choosing a race for your character can present problems for those with little imagination or creativity. To truly appreciate the subtle characteristics of each race, one must try to understand their racial motives and limitations. Halflings desire nothing more than five-star meals with accompanying waiter service about every other waking hour. Dwarves long for gold and a deep, dark cave in which to hoard the gold. Elves flit about, concerned only with music, delicate wine, and pretty, sparkly magical things. Orcs and their bretheren all have a common denominator of smashing things and later eating the leftovers. Humans, it is suspected, want ship the other races off on a leaky, termite-ridden boat to the far corners of the earth. Now that we've briefly discussed the motivations of each race, let's move on to limitations and strengths . Elves, while puny and frail, live practically forever. This can be a great advantage if one capitalizes on the longevity benefits. When playing an elf, instead of arguing with the rude human over your rightfull claim of the defeated wizard's spiffy magical necklace, promise that individual 20 years of personal service in return for the necklace. Just don't bother to mention that the service will start in about three hundred years from now. If you've suffered from a recent head injury and decide to play a halfling, then best of luck to you. Other than providing a moderate source of amusement in the way of incessant whining about the foul conditions of the adventuring life and the general lack of quality food, halflings have few redeeming qualities. One that springs to mind is the fact that they look like children. Exploit this fact to your advantage! Prey on the sympathetic emotions of the other party members and take shelter behind them when trouble appears. After all, who would force a sweet, young innocent into battle when there are strong fighters and wily mages around? After the battle is over, sift through the charred remains of your fellow companions and deftly remove those fineries from their corpses. Should you wish to play a rude, obnoxious dwarf, then expect plenty of opportunities to argue with everyone else, particularly elves. Fortunately for you, dwarves are built for fighting when the arguments turn nasty. Unfortunately, you're only as tall as anyone else's kneecaps. And it's a well-known tactic when fighting dwarves to step on their beards and pin them to the floor, so shave the beard, grandpa. Sure everyone's going laugh at you, but hey, at least when the laughter turns ugly you'll be able to wage war on their shins without getting that goat's mane you call a beard stepped on. Another point on playing dwarves s you must always act as if you've a pine cone wedged up your arse, thus completing the dour aspect of their demeanor. Moving right along, we now come to role playing orcs, trolls, and their unclean bretheren. A simple rule to follow when playing these mindless beasts would be to treat every creature encountered, including other players, as a meal. Now, before you start to design complex dinner plans for the party, let's not forget another simple rule about these flea-infested subhumans; they lack the intelligence of the average box of hammers. With that in mind, keep the party-bashing schemes simple. Lacking sophistication to an impossible degree, always remember to stick with clubs for melee weapons and rock for missiles. Anything with an edge is likely as dangerous to you as it is to your intended victim, so weapons with an edge are simply out of the question. One last note, grunt a lot and while actual speech is optional, it should be done only in single syllables. Lastly, we come to humans. Humans are unique in that they have an inferiority complex of the other races on a cosmic scale. Should you decide to play as a human and discard all of the racial abilities that humans lack, then role play your inadequacies to the maximun extent. A few examples: The party encounters a huge dragon that's delighted you've all appeared just in time for lunch. Immediately take cover behind the elf, claiming that if only you had that nifty infravision and all those resistances to magic, you could contribute to the fray. After the bewildered elf is reduced to a crispy dragon treat, leap up and smight the drake with a fatal blow from your mighty Destructo sword. (see notes from lesson one.) While venturing into the Tomb of Eternal Despair, the party stumbles onto a hall filled with bottomless pits and deviously wicked traps. You should automatically assume the dwarf has extensive racial knowledge of circumventing such dangers and toss the dimunitive runt down the hallway, triggering any obstacles in the way of your hard-earned treasure. While you're at it, throw the halfling down there as well. Everyone knows all halflings excell at disarming traps and such. Once the screams from the obtuse and whiny circus freaks have died down, stroll confidently to your reward. During a trek through the wilderness, the party happens across several giants of a sour disposition towards the party. Convince the orc that he should engage the behemoths in a duel (not a hard task). Refrain from watching the delightful irony of the party bully getting turned into jelly for the giants' morning toast and sneak off to plunder their lair. This briefly explains the points to bear in mind when deciding upon a race for your character. No single race is perfect, but with a little help from this course, that can be adjusted to a rough percentage of about 99.3% perfection. Next week's lesson topic: Interacting with other players.

Are you having problems getting people to play with you? Do teammates in a rp session tend to kill you first, then turn their attention to the gruesome monsters, claiming confusion in the heat of the battle? When joining a rp session, do others tend to groan and try to rename your character to 'Ensign Expendable'? Well, then read on, for this course is what you need to become a role-playing star. Despite my utter lack of credentials, I've seen the pros in action once or twice, so I am fully confident I can teach even a slug to roleplay. First thing's first. Pick a character. Now some of you may have a preference for mages, who can incinerate their opponents with spell. Nothing at all wrong with that. Those guys always get the really cool intros into rooms; appearing in flashes of light and such. Some of you may prefer the daring and dashing swashbuckler type of characters. Again, nothing wrong there. Those guys will almost always win the attention of the ladies. (Ladies, if that's your thing, well.... go for it!!) And of course, we cannot exclude the staple of all fantasy characters, the sword-bearing, muscle bound ox of a man; the warrior. Warriors are simple and easy to operate, much like a firearm. Point it at something and kill it. But Brute, you say, how do I chose? Well, why settle for just one, when you can have it all? Yup, you heard me. Combine all of it together and, taa-daa! Your new character will be able to appear in a puff of smoke, whip out his magical Destructo sword, chop the enemy about the neck and head, and save the damsel, all in about one paragraph. Now, in order to get away with this sort of outright character injustice, you'll have to have a firm background. Either a night spent at the tavern or around the campfire telling all within earshot of your colorful past will probably do. Now this part is important, so pay attention. Your new-found role-playing buddies are gonna throw you an' yer character out unless you make the past good, so lie big, ok? Here's an average tale of character history to get you started.... "Where did I come from? Well, it's quite a tale, I must say," the massive barbarian says as he spins a golden coin across the backs of his knuckes. His eyes glow with an icy blue aura of mystical power as he recites the tale to his enraptured listeners. " It all began when I was but a lad. My parents were powerful mages who upon my birth, granted me mysterious powers that I can unleash in the form of bolts of lightning from my eyes. Then, one day, a horde of barbarians came to our house and killed my Mom and Pop, cause they were getting free premium cable channels without paying for them. They adopted me and trained me in their savage ways of war. I soon became a fierce and mighty warlord. Once puberty hit, my voice changed and I escaped the barbarians to search for the meaning of love. While visiting a large city, I ran into some sailors who taught me some really good pick-up lines. I quickly tried them out and discovered that they worked with remarkable effeciency. I figured that was as good as I needed for love. Not much time passed before I heard rumor of an evil wizard who had kidnapped a princess. I journeyed across the land and defeated him inside his tower, which I kept as payment for the scratch he gave me in the battle. The princess had no choice but to fall helplessly in love with me, especially after I laid one of my smooth lines on her. In my spare time, I read the wizard's ancient and rare spell books." The barbarian's captive audience could barely imagine the level of heroism and bravery that he spoke of. See??? That's the kind of stuff you'll need to include in your character history. Now I realize that that's a lot of stuff to write, but hey, to have character like that, it's worth every last lie!!! (Next week's topic: choosing a character race. No elf jokes during class!)

Brute laughs at SoaringIcarus as he runs off searching for Peredhil. Zariah, I admire your efforts.It's not something that most younger people think of, but the elderly that live in the retirement homes have years of memories and experiences that they are usually grateful for someone to share them with. By doing that, you will have gained some of your own memories. A smile on a grandmother's face as she relates tales of her family, the look in a man's face when he tells about the time he served in the military during the war. I've had the opportunity to spend quite a bit of time with elderly patients when I worked in a hospital, and I always tried to make time to listen to them when they wanted to talk. That simple act seemed to help them in whatever condition they were in as much as anything else. Zariah, I'm sure that you're aware of it, but I'd bet that each time you helped out there, you made someone's day.

This was a very enjoyable read, Jareena! A perfect story for the occasion. Thank you very much for sharing this with us!

hullo, Stranger. I'm delighted to see your presence in here again! Brute gives cheyenne a big hug.

Brute settles in with a good bottle of booze and enjoys this good read. He finishes it eagerly, well before the bottle of booze and licks his lips, awaiting more. nice work! I do hope there's more to come!