Guinea Pig

As wide a smile as could spread on a guinea pig's face spread on Pig's face. *squee squee squee* came his cries of guinea pigish joy. After a minute or so his repeated scurrying about the room ceased and the words about the Deluxe Health Spa Resort finally registered in his little mind. "No thanks, I already have a home of my own. It stinks and usually smells of chemicals that Professor Has-" Pig abruptly stopped speaking as Hassium himself entered the Recruiter's Office. *cue what happened in The Researcher's application thread* Pig wasn't hiding at all, but by this time he was so much covered in black ink that anyone looking for a fluffy brown guinea pig and only that would have been fully unable to find him.

The day's experiments hadn't been too stressful. Pig had had to run around in that weird wheel again for a few minutes before the Professor dumped him into various liquids and sprayed tickling gases all over him. Once Hassium's attention was diverted elsewhere, Pig had been able to return to his home, a cosy little hole he had made himself. His tired gaze wondered over his possessions, which really did not number much. Bits of carrot saved for times of need, a shiny button he had once found, and then of course his most prized possessions, his posters. Pig's reading skills still weren't top notch, so most of the posters weren't understandable for him, but they did look so cool! The first one to catch his attention that evening was the one he dreamt most about. It was his own home. Somewhere where that researcher could not interfere. It was his. Pig's! Several of the other posters had various, barely legible scribblings underneath them. Some French pig gave me this, but it sure looks cool. Is it a pig? Is it a plane? No, it's Spider-Pig! HS sure has a lot of progress to make with this… Wolgang Amadeus Pig – the great pigposer Weeks of collecting those posters had been definitely worth it. Pig wished he could sneak in a few more minutes on Professor Hassium's computer. He had found such a great article on the interwhatever the last time he had managed to take a peek. Meeeeeeep! A hand was coming inside of his little home! Was this another experiment?

I've been reading about Sooty! He's my new hero!

As the party around Blby's welcome faded away Professor Hassium failed to notice Pig gingerly escaping from his pocket and scurrying across the Cabaret Room, towards the stairs leading down to the Recruiter's Office. Still licking traces of tangerine from the corners of his lips, Pig almost fell down the first step. He had not expected something so big! The stairs, clearly made for bipedal creatures much larger than him, were daunting. Pig gingerly put a paw above the vast emptiness below testing the air, but before he knew it he tumbled down not one, not two, but three full stairs, landing on his bottom. Unable to restrain a small "Ouch" he stood back on his paws and looked for alternatives in moving down. It was with horror that he realised after the fifth step that he would also have to somehow get back up. Trying to shove that though into an obscure corner of his small mind, Pig continued downward, awkwardly hugging the wall and the step he was going down. After ten minutes of hard, tiring work he finally reached the floor where the Recruiter's Office was. Able to enjoy the freedom of running about again Pig ran to the door to the Recruiter's Office. Luckily he was small enough to slide through the crack under the door and did not have to trouble himself with opening the door. The mess of parchments lying all around was daunting. Pig could see application pieces dating back several years strewn across the floor, mixed up with invoices for Almost Dragonic products, and plans and schemes, some of which had been implemented and others which were still only in development. One thing could be said about this Wyvern: he was enthusiastic about what he did. Getting down here had been the easy part. Pig still needed to write an application piece. He mentally checked off the things he needed for an application piece: parchment, ink and something to write with. Parchment was in abundant supply, strewn all across the ground. After struggling for several minutes with a quill, Pig realised that he could not bear it yet and decided that he'd have to use his paws. Getting ink was harder. Eventually he succeeded, but only after toppling over an ink bottle atop a document bearing the mention of Almost Dragonic Inkproof Parchment . Clearly though the parchment wasn't fully inkproof, evidenced by the ink oozing across it. Dabbing his right front paw into the ink, Pig started initiating himself with writing. Reaching the end of the page he tried turning it, but his paw just kept sticking to it and he could not turn the page. Annoyed he walked over to another suitably empty piece of parchment and wrote the rest of his poem there. He then stood back and admired the poem he had just wrote. Considering that he was a young guinea pig, barely a few months old, the poem was quite good. Pig's Powem Fuwwy wittle boyd Foor fuwwy wittle feeet A wittle fuwwy head Tow fuwwy wittle ears Two fuwwy qjute eyes A fuwwy smile I am PIG! Proud at his masterpiece Pig danced about the room, stepping numerous times into the ink onto various pieces of parchment, spreading paw prints all over the place. Finally settling down, he sat down on his haunches and waited for Wyvern to come.

Tangerine oozed down from Professor Hassium's shoulder and down into the pocket that Pig was inside. Now, the tangerine on the side of the pocket had slowly started to run out, so Pig's eyes widened in guinea pigish joy as he threw himself at this new treat that fell from the sky. And so, oblivious to what was still going on around him, oblivious to all the mayhem of tangerine weapons, of people, owls, wyverns and tigresses being thrown about the place, he continued licking at tangerine.

Pig was even more surprised at being able to understand Professor Hassium's words than he had been at hearing himself speak. He didn't have time to think further on it though as he was shoved into the tainted lab coat's pocket. At least it was nice and warm and cozy in here. All sounds were muffled by the coat pocket and he heard only murmurs of what was going on outside. Then came a deafening bang and the sweet smell of tangerines. As any self-conscious guinea pig would have done when presented with such delicious food in a nice warm place, while feeling as safe as he had ever felt, Pig started licking at the sides of the pocket where the orange substance was slowly starting to seep through.

Pig squeals as soon as he is picked up by the white-coated man. His regular squeals are punctuated by a high-pitched shriek when he is violently shook, flying all over the place and making him feel all dizzy. Finally, he can't help it and his fear gets the better of him when he is turned upside down and his bladder lets go, emptying its contents on the immaculately white lab-coat, which suddenly becomes not so white in a longish vertical patch. "Oops, sorry," he squeals and then his eyes widen in shock. Has he just spoken in a language he didn't understand?

A small, furry newcomer, softly pads into the Cabaret Room on his four small paws. His pawsteps make no noise on the tapestries and he is able to move unseen and unheard by all, except the owl perching on a coathanger not far away. Strangely though the owl seems to ignore the small rodent scurrying across the vast hall towards the almost-dragon. Thick scales and a general interest in Blby prevent the lizard from noticing the small mammal sniff at his tail and clamber up onto it. Before long the small rodent is laboriously climbing the incline that is the reptilian elder's back. It takes almost two minutes, but finally, only faintly panting, Pig, as he is called by his friends, is perched on next to one of Wyvern's horns, much to the amusement of everyone who iswatching. However at a sudden movement from the almost-dragon, Pig is put off balance, perches dangerously, tries to grab hold of the horn he was standing next to but fails and tumbles into the depths below. Luckily for him, and to the greatest shock of Wyvern, he lands on the lizard's nose and is just able to hold on. There, Wyvern was faced by the rather frightening sight of a guinea pig sitting barely an inch from his eyes, looking at him with a slightly curious expression. In his shock the lizard lets go of Blby, who falls to the ground, his fall luckily cushioned by the thick carpet underneath.