Silver WInd

I first wrote this as part of a challenge, and though a part of me likes how it came out, I am not sure I am completly satisfied with leaving it as is. Any suggestions on revision or things that should be changed, added, and so forth, would be appercaited.

On the eve of the end

I remember sitting upon the rooftops

watching the stars pass overhead

then I should have known, it was

the last night we sould spend together

as one.

On the eve of the end

I recall we were drinking whiskey

and gin, but even then, we both could

feel that something was long gone

that would never be found again.

On the eve of the end

the wind was cool

and the music was hot

but we were withdrawn

from the world

and from us.

On the eve of the end

I will never forget

how we tried to ignore

what was already done

even if we were afraid to admit it

there was nothing left

Nothing but that night

when we no longer had the strength

to try and hold on

for another minitue

when we could not continue

to deny it.

Lies

truth

betrayal

Things that just drift on by

now seeming to be without any

real meaning.

It was the eve of the end

of us, if ever we were to begin

with.

Castle Deep

In the darkness Raven takes wing

secrets whisper from the shadows

listen to deaths chorus sing

come out and play the laughter bids

Midnight strikes upon this hour

mark as the candle flame turns blue

rise high the spires of power

come out and play laughter bids

Enchantress let her spells be cast

souls all rise for moonlit dance

looking deep into the distant past

come out and play laughter bids

Haunted this castle may still stand

from the walls eyes always watching

a skeleton against the dead land

come out and play laughter bids.

Thank you very much, and yes you are right, I do not know what I was thinking when I did that

This is very nicely down, very emotional.

I love the lines:

Only the bare shade of truth.

I see all their smiles in the picture,

And all I can remember is bitterness:

the sorrowful present.

Thank you

Rain For Me

Soulful the rain cries for me

beneath the shinning moonlight

how one wishes to be free

Dancing joyful across the lea

without cause from dawn till midnight

soulful the rain cries for me

Beneath the shelter of mournful willow tree

feeling the shadows tremble in fright

how one wishes to be free

To look to the stars with nothing but glee

hidden away from all hint of plight

soulful the rain cries for me

In the distance the sound of the sea

thundering with all its might

how one wishes to be free

Beauty as far as the eye can see

to find something of worth and hold on tight

soulful the rain cries for me

how one wishes to be free.

Broken

I am broken

you left me this way

now bitter my tears fall

filled with shame

shame that is because of you

I cannot face myself.

I cannot face the world.

I try to hide

but my shadow hunts me down

Will anything take away this pain?

The pain you have placed inside?

An ill seed planted

too deep in my mind.

Will I be whole again?

Well again?

I no longer remember

the taste of laughter

instead tonic is all I ever

know.

For a dreamless sleep

I seek

but some days I wish

never to wake again.

I am left on the outside

and I feel accusing eyes

but what was my crime?

It was you whom had done this

you stripped me of my worth

you took away my life

now what is left of me?

But this shade

of someone else

Rose Heart

Her blossoms await

beneath the plain of ice

pulsing in a splash

of passion's crimson.

A beating heart

in the snowy caves

where time passes eternal

in stillness she waits.

For a lover's kiss

she patiently endures

until she may bloom again

in beauty new awakened.

Thank you

arg, hehe I will go correct that

Gypsy

Dancing

in the shadows

with fires burning bright

within dark pools of watching eyes

entranced

Thank you

Dew Drop

A

tear drop

falling soft

among flower

petals; a dew drop

Dawn's lingering kiss

caught among the cobwebs

erasing old memories

to rejoin with the reflecting pool

shimmering with the heavens above

winking in the stars great infinity

weeping to bring the new fallen rains

a single tear becomes many

singing softly their songs

among the sweet flowers

petals breathing with life

fallen fresh

drop of new

morning

dew.

Hehe well you already know my thoughts on the revisied version, but even so I will say it again. Good job, love how it turned out.

I can see where there might be some confussion with the introduction of the we, so I will try to explain the reasononing behind it.

Basicaly it is saying that everyone is susptiable to feeling a desire or a passion, a yearning, just as Prometheus felt the desire to give the gift of fire to man out of his pity for them, and in doing so he had to make a sacrifice, becasue he was ultimately punished for it.

So the speaker within the poem, is simply saying that on some level or another, everyone, makes some sacrifice for something which they love, for thier own desire that burns within them.

That is what is ment by the lines

for your mortal

passion we all must

give in to.

I can see where it might be read as a poem on its own, but it is intended to be a part of the rest of the poem.

Primal fires burn

And I saw for a

moment the eyes of

Prometheus,

they watched me

in a haze of smoke

and then my heart broke.

They would chain

you for your mortal

passion we all must

give in to.

Wow, what a clever idea, and very well done. The imagery was very vivid, and such great language used. I really enjoyed reading this.

The Soul Sound

What happens when

your face becomes lost

within the rain

and a voice

no longer carries

any weight,

there were ghosts once

who spoke in my ear,

but now I no longer hear.

What happens when the soul

struggles to expose

the thoughts we all own,

while our breath is stolen

and only the silence

remains?

It is the curse

that comes with a gift

for its favor

there is always a struggle

but so fickle it can leave.

Thank you very much for your suggestions and coments. I agree that there are areas of the poem that could use with more expanding and deatil, and that the way it currently is, comes off as more of an outline for the idea. I do wish to bring more to it, and I will keep in mind your advice for this one.

I really liked this, such sweet sentiment. I think we can all relate to this, that moment when we realize things are not the way we had once thought they were, when the world does not seem quite as big, and we have that bittersweet moment of knowing something is lost. Very well done.

This is a poem I first wrote as part of a challenge and just sort of spun it off the top of my head, but I like the overall concept and structure of it, but think it could do with some polishing off, as well as I think I might want to add more. Any suggestions, coments, critique, critizism, welcome, that I can consider and ponder in the re-writing process.

As I sit here

surrounded by marble

cool stone hard beneath me

I reflect back...

I wonder,

are you out there.

somewhere

thinking of me?

There were sweet days

in winter snow

and we stood hand in hand

and watched the water pass,

but those days have long past

I was taken away

away from you

so now while I wait

for my train to roll in

I wonder,

think to myself

are you laying there

somewhere

thinking

of me?

Nicely, down I really liked this, great rythem and flow, loved what you did with the rhyme

Thank you very much

I really liked this. The imagery was so vivid, and some great use of langauge here

Skywater

So this world has come to an end

it was seen in those black eyes

of obsidian.

A pulse on the vein of the earth,

skywater above no longer

the celestial pure.

Tears of pitch rain down

upon the twisted landscape,

it staggers in slow movements

of tar-bit waters.

Eyes rolled up to the heavens

on fire, seen in crimson

red clouds and the air

of brimstone.

But no gods can duly

be credited for this,

it is the sludge we have

been working toward.

Rough hewn hands carved

out this path, laving behind

their calloused trail.

But there are those

that have always known,

felt within their broken

souls.

A truth that must be

spirit-known, where the

rocks turn in the shade

and bake with the sun.

Only to spark the first

and final blaze, to cry

out to the rains that have

long gave their final bleeding,

this is the reaping.