Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 Falcon2001 Page Posts: 107 (11/7/01 6:33:49 pm) Reply A Game of Chess: Tale of the Five Rings -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please, any of you who can actually load the page with AGOC: TotFR on it, please do so, download it to a text file, and read at your leisure. This is my best work ever, please read! Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 96 (11/7/01 9:55:04 pm) Reply Re: A Game of Chess: Tale of the Five Rings -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hmmm... *Gyrfalcon whaps Falcon around with a large trout* Copyright infringment to a flagrent degree! (IE, Avendesora, Aiel, Dragon Reborn. I like all the rest of the units, though- they're standard or unique to you. =) ) *Another whapping for stealing a prophecy from WoT* Besides, attribute it to who it belongs, and if you take so much, give Robert Jordan credit at the end. Hmmm... interesting... are the people found in this tale the players on the chess board? *Gyrfalcon reads on (running commentary) *Gyr banks on the general, even as he knows the recruit will probably win... experience would allow him to compensate for the new style and speed* Thom and Mat: sort of stretched for names? "As light and cold as a winter gale, yet as strong as a team of oxen, this sword could never be dulled or worn away. The sight of him indifferently lopping off the heads of practice dummies always sent a chill down Vyse’s spine." --Nice images. =) "Rushing forward, Kilik continued to plead his case. “Devils, Vyse! Horrible gnashing evil baneful corrupt immoral, uh, evil…” he trailed off, trying to find a suitable word to express his feelings. “DEVILS! BAD! VERY VERY BAD VYSE! UNDERSTAND? BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!” -- *falls over laughing* Thus I end at Chapter 3 (I'll come back with more later. =) ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 369 (11/8/01 5:42:54 am) Reply long! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It IS long! I've read just a bit and run out of time. I'll try to read through it this weekend. Like Gyrfalcon, I can see some of your sources, but I'll repeat what one of my instructors told me: "Steal from one place, it's plagarism, steal from many - it's a thesis paper." Nearly everyone steals from Tolkien and some of the other greats, just disguise it a bit more. It has some nice turns of phrase and imagery so far. I'm TERRIBLE at names myself - there are some online resources, baby-naming sites, that have oodles and oodles of names for the name challenged. More as I read. -Peredhil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 Falcon2001 Page Posts: 108 (11/8/01 10:51:19 am) Reply Re: long! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SORRY ABOUT THE JORDAN THING! I was reading it at the time, please disregard the beginning! Also, the only names I am proud of are Cioden and Andaria, and Andaria is just a remake of Andrea, so what. I think I stole Anya from somewhere, but I'm not sure...does anyone know? Yes, Mat and Thom are stolen, but Mat is the ONLY one from jordan on purpose...my friend TC's first name is Thomas, so he wanted to be Thom in the damn story, and I let him. But I changed Mat's full name from Matrim to Mathom...not much of a change, but it's enough. Also, it's dang near impossible not to steal from tolkien...Cioden is a sort of evil Gandalf later on. Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Edited by: Falcon2001 at: 11/8/01 10:54:12 am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 97 (11/8/01 10:12:11 pm) Reply Re: long! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Gyr chuckles and places aside Book IV* No problem... =) Ravens as spies- ohh... *Gyr starts looking for Myrddraal * "FLASH Him, leaving home a year later than all of the other apprentices because of his inability to work the magic of law, his father standing on the walkway with a cold look on his hard face." Cioden's father was a real b******. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 Falcon2001 Page Posts: 110 (11/9/01 7:13:16 am) Reply Re: long! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah...here's an interesting fact about said story... Originally the name of the mage was Will, which happens to also be used as 'I WILL do this' or something else...so I decided to change it. MS Word has a nice little feature where you can replace all of one word, so I replaced William with Cioden. So far so good. But when I went to go change Will to Cioden, I didn't take into account all of the non-noun wills floating around. I was reading it and came across a sentence somewhat like this: If you make a single move, I cioden slice your throat. This led to some consternation, and a lot of editing on my part. Enjoy! Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 Falcon2001 Page Posts: 113 (11/15/01 10:51:28 pm) Reply Re: A Game of Chess: Tale of the Five Rings -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not to sound annoying (heaven forbid!), but is anyone actually reading my story? I know it's long, but it's very good (IMHO), so I would be ecstatic if you all could read it... Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 Zadown Bard Posts: 151 (11/15/01 11:48:21 pm) Reply Re: A Game of Chess: Tale of the Five Rings -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm sorry, but I have the attention span of a member of the MTV generation on speed and suffering from ADD... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 388 (11/20/01 7:56:01 am) Reply Cutoff? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I printed your story and am working my way through whenever I have a free moment (just started a new job so those are few - sorry. ) The copy I printed cuts off in the middle of a sentence. When I look at my screen - it also cuts off. Is anyone else having this problem? I'll try to post some feedback as soon as I can make it coherently. So far, all I can say is I like it. I tend to 'synthesize' from everything I read and see myself (some call it stealing ) so I don't penalize for that unless it isn't done well - and yours so far seems well done. Whatever your sources, the resultant mixture is very 'you' and a clever read. My only suggestion for the next one might be to break it into sections and post each individually, rather than as one looong single post. Work calls again Peredhil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 Zadown Bard Posts: 154 (11/20/01 5:29:23 pm) Reply Re: Cutoff? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay, so my part of the deal... I've reached half-way, and I think I'll be able to finish it too, this is fascinating enough even without the deal. I was first slightly irritated by all the colorful high magicness of the story, but then I shifted my perspective and started looking at it like an anime fantasy movie, fast-packed action and destinies great than life, and voila! It works a lot better. I can see the movie rolling in front of my eyes as I read... Enjoyable stuff. I'll give fuller analyzis about it when I'm done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 Falcon2001 Page Posts: 117 (11/20/01 7:48:40 pm) Reply Re: Cutoff? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hehe, Zadown, you ever watch Ninja Scroll? That's fast-paced anime, and my plot is a LOT more understandable Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 395 (11/26/01 5:04:03 am) Reply Cutoff! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Well, in any case, let’s take a close look at the writing and make what we can out of it.” Cioden said groggily, rising to his feet and leaning against the wall. “Interests me most of all because I already guessed one part.” He pointed a bony finger at Andaria, his mouth twitching in a half-smile. “There is the ‘White that was stained’ my friends. Andaria went from order to chaos, then from white to black and fulfilling the small part of that prophecy…ugh, my head!” he suddenly clamped both of his hands to his forehead, his face in a grimace of pain. “Feels like an army of orcs are marching through my skull!” Sliding once more to his knees, he -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's definite - from any computer I access - the story ends in the middle of a sentence for me. I'm thinking you've hit another first - maximum post size! -P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2003 Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 164 (11/27/01 9:23:39 pm) Reply Re: Cutoff! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I just started the story today, but noticing the Critic's comments, took a look at the end. Yep, that's a cutoff. Congratulations, Falcon! Longest post in the Pen!!! Seriously, try posting the next bit in a new topic thread. It should work. I haven't read very far, but so far, I like what I see. I too, reaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyy empathize with the name problem. Oy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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