The horrible truth about gelding

[Guest ArawnD]

----My first and last attempt at comedy.----

 

 

 

It was a bright and sunny day....er, no. It was raining (It is Texas after all) and I found myself sitting at my computer. I logged on to Archmage and figured to get a little researching done, but lo and behold I had too few turns, so I waited. Yes, I waited, for a loooonnnnggggg time. But that is not the point, but it was during this time, to which I was staring blankly at the screen, that I noticed something; the gelding option. Most of the time on the servers I rarely have use for the function as I usually get over 1/2 a million a turn, or sale useless items. Again I digress, it was funny as the word in itself, was alien even to my profound vocabulary. I was puzzled "I am puzzled,” I said, "whatever could it mean?" I had always inferred that it meant, taxing or collecting funds. I'm one of those people that has to know the name of the song when it pops in your head, of figure what I did wrong on the test even if it's too late. Some call if being a "worry wart", others "perfectionist", my brother calls it "stupid", Anyway, I decided to get to the bottom of this "I must get to the bottom of this" I said, and ventured off into the black hole I call, "My bedroom" here one would find many wonders the overshadow those of the modern era, strange smells that come from nowhere, vanishing socks that never match. As it goes it would be a rather easy mission "This will be easy" I said, "A simple look-see in the dictionary and I may go back to my game." It seemed that fate was against me that day, or it was some type of government conspiracy, for on the shelf there was no book. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" My shout echoed throughout the universe; okay the building, which promptly was followed by shouts of "Shut-up!” “What the #$@% is wrong with you?" and "If that's what you think, wait until the girls see it!" Uh, moving on I decided my search had come to an end, for like I said my room is a "Black hole.... hole! (echo)" SO I went to the kitchen for a snack, although daunted I figured to renew my search after some "munchies". At this time the cat made himself be known to be hungry. It's not my cat, one day I left food out, he came and ate it, and now he never leaves. “Meow" Being the softy I am, I thought to feed the little fur ball first, as it is I went out to the front door with food tray in hand. There the wet little bugger sits wagging his tail rather impatiently. Sometimes really hate cats, they act like they rule the world, the only watching they do is the robber looting your house (Maybe a tale for later) and for some reason we still take care of them (wish I come back as a cat) As it was the fuzz started eating, while I mused what "gelding" could ever mean. Unfortunately, it was too loud the neighbor's little wanker of a dog comes around the corner. Now I hear that dogs and cats don't get along, but never have I seen it in action. The neighbor's dog is a small thing, like a poodle if you will always barking at night, I'd love to drop kick it onto a freeway, but am quite fearful of the owner (yet another story for later). Well, the cat caught sight of the dog, and a mad chase began, I thought the cat would fight the thing, they are about the same size, but instead they raced about the front yard. It would of been great if a car would of hit them both, two birds with one stone. Fate must really have it out for me, because as if heard the cat headed my way, I was frozen place as he pushed past me into the house,"Damn!" I shouted, then the dog "Double damn!" It's not a house cat, as I've seen the results of having house cats, hair gets into everything, on everything. Yuck! And now I had two fuzzy #$*@#$! inside doing hell knows what. Ugh, a bad day this was. Before I could enter the door I heard a yelp, and the mutt came back out! It dashed around the corner, hopefully going home, better yet into the path of an 18-wheeler. But the cat was still in there, "Triple damn!" I called out to him, but to no avail. And why should he come? He's been fed, and he's somewhere warm, maybe he stumbled into the "Black hole", but I figure with my luck he'll be okay. Having completed the task, I now was ready for my own feeding. As I made my way to the kitchen once more I stubbed my toe on something, it was the dictionary! Things were looking up, "Thing are looking up," I said, "now to find gelding" So I was once more moved away from the kitchen, (Luck thing that I did, there wasn't anything in there edible or inanimate.) well, I sat at the computer again, and clicked "refresh" I had built 3 turns, *sigh* but now the puzzled would end. I when into the dictionary, "G, Gilmore...ah, gelding!" It was then a silence came over me, at this point the rain had stopped forming an eerie calm. There written ever so nicely it stated:

 

Gelding, (geld'ing) n. A castrated animal, esp. a male horse.

 

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" I shouted once more, the cat "meowed" and encouraging comments from my fellow apartment dwellers, "I said, SHUT UP!” "That's what your mother said!" and "Shut up or I'm going to kick the @#%! out of you!" At this time, I felt sick, and decide to go somewhere to eat and drink away my troubles. I showered and changed, and left out, only to come back home with everything wrecked, the cat got bored it would seem, but he did find the food. Didn't I say I hate cats? I started to clean.

 

 

The Mad King

Edited by: ArawnD  at: 4/17/02 8:54:25 am