Jump to content
The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

The New Official Man of Terra!


Guest Minta Rose

Recommended Posts

Guest Minta Rose

Orlan

 

By the official officiality of the official of officialness of the official official of The Men of Terra, I have been officially officiated into the offical guild. Roughly translated, this means that I am now an Offical "Man of Terra". I have joined the wonderful amazing ranks of Greased, Bale, Cid, Bale, HawkAngel...did I mention Bale? ohh...no? Good. Okay then Greased, and Cid, and uhm, Corvus, BelZpock, and uhm...smother guys. Well yeah, this means I am now known as Orlan, The Sexy Sexy Man, or if you're in a hurry, maybe just Sexy Sexy Man. If needs be, simply Your Royal Highness of the House of Usher and Grandson to the Former King of.....ah nevermind that's just silly.

Alrighty well, let the wine and wine and wine and wine and maybe women flow! I'm buying! (whispers to Arkyn: "Can I borrow some cash?")

 

------------------

Orlan

Member of the Tribe S1

The Sexy Sexy Man (TMoT)

Lounge Lizard of Terra

 

Soran

Member of AoA

Lover of Women

Ruler of the Liar of Devils

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Ozymandias

 

"Here's to the new Man of Terra!", Ozymandias bellows (which he does quite well, for a skinny guy), and slugs back his wine. He proffers Orlan the empty glass. "More, please."

------------------

I am Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Ozymandias

 

"Hmmm. If we have any women flowing here, we may not want to party right now..."

 

------------------

I am Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Orlan

 

Eh if you get really sloshed and look at Teraphin in the right light.....ah maybe not...well they're all over, just gotta look

 

------------------

 

Orlan, Sexy Sexy Man

Member of the Tribe S1

Lounge Lizard of Terra

Soran

Member of AoA

Lover of Women

Ruler of the Liar of Devils

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Ozymandias

 

So it's NOT that ti-Ahhhhh. I see. Well, *that's* a reilef! Bring on the wenches!

 

------------------

 

I am Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Deirdre

 

Deirdre walks over to the bar and says:

"I'll like to order 3 beers pls. 1 for me ,1 for Arkyn and 1 for Mistuh Orlan."

The bartender who is still a little terrified of her from the Grape Incident, pushes 2 beers towards her quickly and slinks off to a corner of the brewery quietly.

Deirdre pushes a beer towards Orlan and another beer towards Arkyn and toasts them.

"A toast to you,Arkyn,my great teacher and a toast to you,Orlan,Da Sexiest Man in Terra.

Now before I forget,Orlan,congratulations on being bestolled the title:"Man of Terra".Cheers!"

With that, Deirdre starts drinking away merrily,pint after pint of beer goes down her throat.

After around 8 pints of beer,Deirdre realizes she has drunk too much,mumbling curses under her breath,collapses onto the floor.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Ozymandias

 

"Tch. Some people can't hold their liquor."

"It was beer-"

"I KNOW THAT! Tsk. Poor thing. Best see her home.", sighs Ozymandias, and begins to conjure some Sprites to do so for him. With several TINKing noises and small blue flashes, twenty small green cans appear. With tiny chants of "HupHupHupHupHupHup", they hoist Deirdre onto their backs with tiny hands, and after a few false starts (and nearly ramming Orlan in the shins with her), they finally trot out the door, off to Deirdre's realm. Ozymandias blinks. "But, I hold mine better than THAT...", he says as he turns beet red. Someone sniggers.

 

------------------

I am Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Tzimfemme and Rydia

 

Back in the CftM! guildhall, the Nimball damage undone, Tzimfemme thumbs impatiently through her newest copy of Men of Terra Magazine. . .then the two-months old one, as last month's issue has mysteriously gone missing. . .not word nor picture of Orlan. "Boy they sure concealed this well," she muses. Greased's dragon peers through the transparent walls of her cell, but does not have the eye contact needed to scan her mind. Smoke 'Em lifts off with his usual mighty roar, but the guildhall is soundproof to 244 dB or lesser volumes. Tzimfemme hears the faintest whisper and dismisses it to the Banquet Hall's latest party. Speaking of which. . .

 

One teleport later, Tzimfemme is ankle-deep in aluminum cans. "But they are sprites, aren't they?" protests a voice from tabletop level. "Well, yeah. . .but what about a wraith?" Ghostly cans of Diet Coke appear. "Unicorns?" Can after can of cola with the Virgin label appears; they shake madly and fling themselves at the Coca-Cola label cans. These suicide bombers take out most of the Diet Coke. . .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Woods, Crooner from Hell

 

By way of the kind of mind-boggling coincidence so common to magical and make-believe realms (most of 19th century English literature for example), Woods is at this very moment contemplating his 'stacking' for 'ArchGlug' - a new game in which players take on the role of rival soft drink manufacturers. Sid, the bassist from the Surfin' Druids and ArchGlugg-er non pareil is offering his advice...

"You've just GOT to stack IRN-BRU top, man. Just look at the hit points!"

 

"Yeah, you're right," says Woods, furrowing his fronds. "But what about the pop drain. Apparently they kill 1/10th of the population of Scotland every year! That's a heavy upkeep..."

 

"Och, it's only the Jocks, man!" urges Sid. "They're easily disbandable. The English have been doing it for years."

 

"Hmmmm. Ok, so Irn-Bru top. What next?"

 

"Gotta be Tango!" says Sid, thumping his fist on Woods' dining-room table (made out of his Uncle Brian, but that's a story for another day...). "Massive Ranged Sugar attack. If you're opponent is stacking anything Diet top you win!"

 

"But I lose 3k tooth enamel per freaking turn!" protests the Ent. "Soon I'll be down to the bare bones!"

 

"Don't worry about it," says Sid soothingly. "We'll pick up a level 17 orthodontist. It's kosher, dude.

"Now, the piece-de-whatsit: Tizer!"

 

"Tizer! No-one uses that anymore. It's disgusting!"

 

"Exactly. But it's got a massive early-eighties kitsch attack and benefits from Nostalgia. Only problem is, it's hard to resummon..."

 

"Okay, I think I'm getting to grips with this," says Woods running a couple of branches through his canopy. "What about fodder?"

 

"Vimto, Bass Shandy, Dr Pepper - and anything with a high plagiarisation modifier."

 

"Ok. Can we drink beer while we're playing?"

 

Woods

Treant Hill Mob (App)

Shaolin (S1)

=Ringlord= (A1)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Ozymandias

 

"It was Ol' Peculiar, wasn't it?", Ozymandias asks the table in consternation. "Somebody spiked my wine! How did I not *smell* it??"

"Well, seeing as how you'd had seventy-nine glasses already...I can guess.", the table said dryly.

"No respect, none at all", he laments as the pink elephant reveals a straight flush. The Sprite slaps its cards down angrily, leaving the table in a huff. "That's another five hundred clams down the drain!", he wails. There is a loud WHUMP and serving wenches politley shoo snickering young mages away from the poor man gestictulating and yelling at the ceiling incoherently.

"Wow. That's a new record. It took him three hours to hit floor this time.", remarks one green to another.

"Yep. Pay up."

 

------------------

I am Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Orlan

 

Methinks Ozymandias has had a little too much to drink...

More to drink for Ozymandias!!!

 

-----------------

Orlan, Sexy Sexy Man

Member of the Tribe S1

Lounge Lizard of Terra

Soran

Member of AoA

Lover of Women

Ruler of the Liar of Devils

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Greased

 

Greased The Man enters the Banquet Hall. Why does it suddenly grow very silent and respectful every time I walk in?, he wonders.

Woods belches, but that's expected.

 

Tzimfemme flips through a well-thumbed copy of TMoT Magazine, but that's expected.

 

Girls oggle and whisper, but again, that's expected.

 

Greased awaits Orlan, who scurries over like the fan he is!

 

"Dude, don't scurry!" Greased whispers under his breath as he hands Orlan a package. "Ya gotta strut..."

 

"Gotcha," Orlan says, unwrapping the package, revealing a garage-door opener, an official Cid-designed TMoT baseball cap, a six pack of some American non-corporate beer, and (of course) condoms.

 

"Ah yee-ah!" Orlan yells, throwing his TMOT Fan cap into the crowd, where a huge battle of sorcery ensues. "Tis mine, miscreant!" would-be TMoT fans cry out, flinging fireballs and curses at each other.

 

Orlan struts about, and already the barmaids are flocking over to him. Greased takes his tankard over to Tzim's table.

 

"Sigh... you had to do it, didn't you?" Tzim said. "And there wasn't even a hint in the mag!"

 

"Hey, what could I do?" Greased answers, shrugging. "He did it to himself. Hey, you seen Teraphin anywhere?"

 

------------------

Greased,

The Man,

Galactic Hero Corps

 

S1 Affiliations:

- Calculus for the Masses

- The Men of Terra

- Honorary Tribe (unless that's no longer true :P)

 

A1 Affiliations:

- Angels of the Apocalypse

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Orlan

 

Ah yes, it feels *great* to actually get me one of these hats, even if it was made by Cid. Hey, there's an inscription on the cap.

"To Orlan - you little Fishie, put you net to good use and get some...." uhm....er, Cid are you supposed to use that kinda language?

Ah well Hey Greased by the way ::struts about:: When do we do the photo shoot for the new Mag anyway? I just wanna know because then I can get the beauty tips from you and Bale

 

::Orlan wanders off after more barmaids::

 

------------------

Orlan, Sexy Sexy Man

Member of the Tribe S1

Lounge Lizard of Terra

Soran

Member of AoA

Lover of Women

Ruler of the Liar of Devils

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Deirdre

 

Deirdre saunters into the Hall and everyone looks surprised when they see her.

The mage has abandoned her cat image and has finally decided to be a gal for a while.

She quickly sits down and orders 1 pint of beer to start with.

She sees Orlan and goes over to give him a quickie smooch before returning to her table.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Ozymandias

 

A voice rises from under a table-

"To Oz!!!"

Another wine glass breaks and happy hiccuping ensues.

 

------------------

I am Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Woods, Crooner from Hell

 

It's Thursday night at the Banquet Hall and the house band, the Surfing Druids, are warming up with some Death Latin (a popular genre in Terra - salsa beats fused with cod-Satanism). Tzimfemme is doing a brisk trade in barbiturates with Tequila chasers...

Woods, the atonal Ent, steps up to the microphone. "We've got a new song for you tonight ladies and germs. It's called 'A Catapult in Paris'. Orlan, the newly-initiated Man of Terra, will be joining us on trombone! What about that, then?!'

 

"Get on with it!"

"Where's a F$%$%ing DJ when you want one?"

"Get your cotton wool here!"

 

I'm just a catapult in Paris!

Doing things the Parisien way

I'm just a catapult in Paris!

On a warm September day

I'm standing by the Seine,

Feeling alive again

And as the sparrows sing

I might just have a fling!

I'm just a catapult in Paris

Everything's going my way!

 

I'm just a catapult in Paris!

Stretching out my weary bones

Sometimes a catapult in Paris

Needs a break from propelling stones;

I'm sick down to my socks

Of boiling oil and rocks

I've had a bellyful

Of being mechanical!

So I'm a catapult in Paris

Knocking back the Cotes de Rhone!

 

"Orlan on 'bone!"

 

Da-da-da-daaaa-da-da-da-da-da

Da-da-da-daaa-daaa-daaa-daaa-daaa

Da-da-da-daaaa-da-da-da-da-da

Da-da-da-da-da-da-daaaaaaaa

Da-da-da-daaaaa-da-da

Da-da-da-daaaaa-da-da

Da-da-da-daaaaa-da-da

Da-da-da-daaaaa-da-da

Da-da-da-daaa-daaa-daaa-daaa-daaa

 

I'm just a catapult in Paris!

But now I'm feeling kind of strange...

I need to find some kind of building

To structu-rally rearrange!

I feel I'm moldering

When I'm not bouldering

I need to feel the thrill

Oh look! There's the Bastille!

Even a catapult in Paris

Has got some habits he can't change!

 

"Thank you! Thank you! We'd like to take you home with us, but most of the band live in special hostels..."

 

Woods

Lard of Terra

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Thalian

 

Watches in amazement at the drunk mages around him. He is also surprised by the fact that Dierdre is a gal at this time instead of a cat. Shakes his head as Orlan goes from one barmaid to the next. Goes to the bar and pours another mug of ale and goes back to his secluded corner of the BH.

 

Thalian

StormFront Guild

Server 1

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Tzimfemme and Rydia

 

Tzimfemme smirks evilly as a hail of arrows arrive from Rydia's realm, each bearing three tubes of pharmaceuticals. "Found these when I was cleaning up the place," the arrow message says, "and I don't want them around any of the demigods!"

>>The Keeper has returned for one last debut!

 

> Delah (#3730) wrote;

>

> Hello boys and girls! *chezzy game show host grin* Now The keeper of Sugar Coated Codine Capsules Sugar Smacks has come and his ready to give them away. For how much you say, well ask your parents. Becuase it is only 20 payments of $19.95 for one box, and if you order within the next five minutes you can get another box for the price. All you have to do is say you want two boxes. *pre-recorded applause* Thats right and now these Sugar Coated Codine Capsules Sugar Smacks have 100% codine in them. Yep codine the new fun pill. *pre-recorded applause* Eat this cereal before school and you will be able to see the wonders of your school nurses office.

>

> *Disclaimer voice, really really really fast*

> Sugar Coated Codine Capsules Sugar Smacks cereal is not responsible, is and never was for what is in codine. In fact Sugar Coated Codine Capsules Sugar Smacks cereal doesn't even have codine it is the cheap mexican knock off. This recording was even made in Mexico. As a matter of fact the entire Sugar Coated Codine Capsules Sugar Smacks cereal is made in a mexican sweat shop, well not really a sweat shop we couldn't afford that. We make these beauties in a old run down meth lab. Once in a while a razor or a shipment of old meth get put into the Sugar Coated Codine Capsules Sugar Smacks box, so if it does use it or ship it to P.O. Box 758 1245 W. Meth Dr. Care of Sugar Coated Codine Capsules Sugar Smacks Cereal Co. *getting to the real stuff* When you buy a box of Sugar Coated Codine Capsules Sugar Smacks Cereal you wave all your rights as a US citzen and give them to Cuba. Yes Cuba. That way you can't sue us. *diabolical laughter*

> *end of disclaimer*

>

> Wow kids wasn't that fast. It is even faster on Sugar Coated Codine Capsules Sugar Smacks Cereal, so order your shipment today. *chezzy info-mercial smile* *pre-recorded applause of meth lab owners when they got their orders of Sugar Coated Codine Capsules Sugar Smacks Cereal*

>

> -Ðelah

> (see Stacks or Hacks)

 

She unwraps the bindings and opens a tube of SCCCSSC. Tiny sparkly spheres and glittery flakes writhe out onto her palm, pretty, so pretty, dazzling, fascinating. . .Tzimfemme shakes her head to clear it and maliciously introduces this new bit of Blitz One to her unsuspecting customers.

 

------------------

Server One

Tzimfemme

(the naked mage)

Calculus for the Masses!

 

Blitz One

Rydia

Immortal of Carp

Adorned with Pearls

Bestower of Holy Power upon Demigods

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Ozymandias

 

Ozymandias totters over and claps Orlan on the back. "Your Oiled High Niece of the 'ouse of Husher and Sexy Grandson...crap. Trombone, you play a great Orlan!", he declares before sneezing directly into one of Tzimfemme's newly acquired tubes of...nothing illegal..., spraying the contents across his face. He sneezes again, hurriedly wiping off the fine powder. "Did I just inhale that?"

"Yes, you did."

"Oh good. 'cause I'd hate to think giant purple spiders ish kabippl dip-" THUNK. Ozymandias is down once more. A Sprite trots over to examine him. After eyeing the snoring form critically, it declares,

"Well, 'e looks 'appy enuf, but I think th' poor sod's broken 'is nose. Anyone got any gauze?"

 

------------------

I am Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Malenko

 

NOW WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE!!!!!!!

I swear, you leave for a month and everything goes all haywire. First I have to figure out what in the tarnations of going on with the confounded new boards, then I have to catch up on everything, not to mention putting up with some guy named Ozymandias, which brings back memories of the tem page paper I turned in on Shelly this morning (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO).

 

Anyways, what's this I hear about The Men of Terra????? Now everyone knows dammed (:þ censors) well that if there is gonna be a men of Terra guild then Malenko has got to be part of it. Why hell, if it weren't for me Greased would never have . . ., umm . . ., tht is to say . . ., he wouldn't be as cool. Or something.

 

Yo, back me up on this Greased Lightning.

 

------------------

Malenko

~-~-~-~-~-~-

CftM

LoD

A Man, who is IN Terra

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Darkman

 

Consult the Conservatory for the origional Nimball from B1, don your strongest armor, enchant yourself to the gills and....."PLAY BALL!"(or run like hell and hide, if you can).

Darkman

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Ozymandias

 

A muffled, "I heard that, and I object to it very strongly. Can I have more ice cream, Mom?", comes from the floor.

 

------------------

I am Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Minta Rose

Greased

 

Yep, Malenko is The Man In Terra

What, I didn't tell you?!

 

Well, geez louise, what am I gonna do to make it up to ya?

 

"By the house a round of drinksh and womensh!" calls out the muffled voice of Ozymandias from somewhere, followed by a softer "Oh Mama, my head..." and another smack of head hitting floor. Greased shrugs.

 

A round on The Man congratulating The Man In Terra on his ascendancy and stuff! Drinks for all!

 

"And the womens?" wonder more than one mage.

 

GET YER OWN!

 

------------------

Greased,

The Man,

Galactic Hero Corps

 

S1 Affiliations:

- Calculus for the Masses

- The Men of Terra

- Honorary Tribe (unless that's no longer true :P)

 

A1 Affiliations:

- Angels of the Apocalypse

- Priest to the Right Hand Side of the God and Pharaoh Nanotoknonnen

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...