Rahsash Geldich Posted July 24, 2002 Report Share Posted July 24, 2002 Build those walls up, build them fast Make sure they're stong though, they have to last 'Cause these days, everyone just wants to hate To be the worst off so no one can relate. And everyones so afraid, afraid to die They don't mind rage, but never can cry. They seem to be traitors, but they are them Posessing yet wanting the heart's coveted gem. We want compassion when everyone lies Lies all written in stone, but stone never cries. But even the strongest rock cannot resist time Day still chases night, all bells still chime. So though it may not break, it is worn into sand Still in theory stong, but scattered by hand. So scattered are we, lost in the breeze That tugs at the leaves that dangle in trees. Swaying undecided, the walls built to keep out, Have now locked all in, despite the shout Shout out but fall silent, we don't dare make a sound As the circle hate-hurt-peace comes on around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted July 25, 2002 Report Share Posted July 25, 2002 Good poem, Rahsash Geldrich. In my opinion, the themes hinted at in this poem are concerned with the way people build emotional fortresses to hide their true sentiments and how this ultimately leads to a web of lies. I liked a lot of the imagery you used in this poem, especially the line "Posessing yet wanting the heart's coveted gem." I also liked the structure of the poem, which reads very much like a hip hop song to me. I could definitely see a talented M.C rapping this over some dark, moody beat while repeating the line "the circle hate-hurt-peace comes on around" as the hook... Keep up the good work. [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 7/25/02 1:59:28 am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyyark Posted July 25, 2002 Report Share Posted July 25, 2002 I enjoyed this poem alot too. It flowed very well, not just rhythmically but logically. I liked how the logic and rhythm were very circular, because it added to the theme of the worlds hypocrisy. It just seemed to pull me in. Good Job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts