Canid Posted April 30, 2002 Report Share Posted April 30, 2002 (edited) Smiling, laughing,Dreaming of tomorrow.Backache, heartbreak,Echoing the day.Singing of hope,Lingering in truth.Must act on hope,Or truth will never change.Trilling your melody,For the world to hear.Don't let it fall on,Those few who cannot hear.You're a bird in spring.Cold winds are warming,Though not quite fast enough.Fall gave you warning,Must make-do; you have enough.You're a bird in spring.Singing bird in spring.Lively bird in spring.Flying bird in spring.TWEET! Edited June 30, 2014 by Canid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Xradion Posted April 30, 2002 Report Share Posted April 30, 2002 I like it a lot. At first, it almost struck me as a combination of several hiakus (note: this is not meant in a negative way), but there is also something more subtle about it. Lines like "Singing of hope, /Lingering in truth. /Must act on hope, /Or truth will never change." state that while reality is grim, the songbird maintains its hopes for the future. In the next stanza, the speaker advises the songbird not to let its song fall on deaf ears. The speaker then goes on to suggest that while times are hard, "cold winds are warming, (though not quite fast enough)" and that ultimately, the bird has enough to endure the storm and (hopefully) live to see a brighter day. The last stanza brings back the haiku element, and is actually a haiku in itself, ending on an optimistic note of the unencumbered bird singing in the spring. Very well met. A seemingly simple poem, but subtly deep. Quite appropriate in light of the recent dawn of spring (literally) contrasted with the dismal winter of tragedy and war all over the world. My one criticism (and it is subtle) would be that the comma (,) in the second stanza after "Don't let it fall on" is superfluous, and actually breaks the flow of the poem a little by putting the stress on the word "on." Other than that, it is a very nice poem. Xradion, The Horny Druid, Scholar of the Ancient Arts, Holder of the Eye of Odin, "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." -Wallace Stevens "When at home, do as the Homans do." –Xradion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted May 1, 2002 Report Share Posted May 1, 2002 My commentary is not nearly as in-depth, but I do have to say: very nice, Canid, even if you can't believe you wrote this. *grin* Tweet! I wish there were birds around here that went tweet anymore... all that are around are crows and seagulls, and unfortuantly (sorry, Nyyark!) neither one has a singing voice... but again, a great poem, Canid. *applauds* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falcon2001 Posted May 1, 2002 Report Share Posted May 1, 2002 Gyr - it's something along the lines of a SCRRAAAAWWWWKKKK! SCRRRRAAAAAWWWWKKKKK!!! On the Crow, and the seagull's something like a KKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!! No Tweets. Damn. Cioden Darkeye Quill-Bearer - The Pen is Mightier than the Sword President of the Peredhil Fan Club Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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