Falcon2001 Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 Spin twist Kick the wall Raging raging All night long Spin twist Smash the floor Fury Fury Slam the door You walk around wearing red like a clown When the truth comes you're nowhere to be found You insult me boy, cover me with lies You can't run from me punk, no place to hide Twist Jump Smash your face I'm going to leave this A bloody place Kick throw Break some bones It's just you and me man All alone You think you're hot stuff, strutting round town I'm going to ****ing knock you down Slam my foot right into your empty head If I keep it up yeah, you'll soon be dead Slam rage Shatter glass I'm going to knock you on your ass Twist slam What're you to do? Running away seems about right to you Keep away from the psycho man Or I'll destroy your little plan Jump up high, I'll smack you down Where you belong, in the ground Howl, yell Break some @#%$ Growl, snarl Just for a little bit Crush, grind Destroy your face Smash, crunch Like I used a @#%$ mace Six feet under the @#%$ dirt I'm going to make you @#%$ hurt Just like you have made her feel I'm going to give you the whole meal deal Okay...this was a very violent, kind of out of character for me, poem...but I was pissed and had to get it out some way...so sue me. REMEMBER: REPLY or the Reply raven gets sent after you for a day! Even if you think this poem was horrible and doesn't even deserve to be used as toliet paper, tell me. Edited Thursday, May 2, 2002. Fixed some spelling mistakes and a forced rhyme and added a few stanzas ('Keep away from the psycho man' onward are all new) CiodenDarkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Edited by: Falcon2001 at: 5/2/02 9:57:02 pm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Xradion Posted May 3, 2002 Report Share Posted May 3, 2002 First of all, I will say that I am an honest person, and I have no qualms about criticizing. If I don’t like it, I don’t like it. That don’t mean that I’m hatin’. I personally think that this "anger rant" type of poem is all too common. Even when pulled off brilliantly (which is rare, but possible), it still leaves the reader with little more than a sense of "Wow, that dude is REALLY pissed off." Many modern-day poets (especially spoken-word or free style poets) will fall victim to this sort of poetry. To put it another way, it sounds too much like something off a Limp Bizkit album for my taste. Nevertheless, I completely understand your use of poetry as an outlet for your anger (a good idea, considering many alternatives). I can’t say I liked the poem, but that doesn’t matter. Everyone has their off days. My advice to you for poems of this sort is that rather than going on a maniacal rant, you may find it more soothing to target whatever you’re angry about (even if it is free-floating anger) in a more eloquent way. When profanity is overused, it looses it’s meaning, thus limiting our ability to express true anger. That’s why I try to stay away from it unless it add special significance to my frustration in a poem (I actually only use profanity once in this set of poems I am currently working on). Rage Against the Machine uses profanity a lot, but it does nevertheless reinforce the meaning of their songs because they address very specific historical topics/events through metaphors and other such devices. Anyway, that’s just my opinion. Take it or leave it. On a side note, can one contract that Reply Raven of yours? If not, you should think about starting a service for "The Pen" before Wyvern steals the idea and the bird in another of his endless money-making schemes. Xradion, The Horny Druid, Scholar of the Ancient Arts, Holder of the Eye of Odin. "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." -Wallace Stevens "When at home, do as the Homans do." –Xradion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falcon2001 Posted May 4, 2002 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2002 Good point, but I VERY normally do exactly what you said and tone down on the swearing. When I swear in most of my poems, it's not too much and that's just because that's the way I am, not because I'm aiming for an effect or anything. Personally, I can't stand Limp Bizkit, and I didn't write this poem to sound like them. Cioden Darkeye Quill-Bearer - The Pen is Mightier than the Sword President of the Peredhil Fan Club Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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