Dawgrim's Reek ep. 3: Biology B('Shell)

[Wyvern]

Last time, on Dawgrim’s Reek

 

*cue an ultra-dramatic slow motion re-cap of a troglyodyte throwing his blonde wig off.*

 

Dawgrim confronted his rivals in a bare-chested, mano-a-mano heartthrob duel for Triska B’Shell’s heart

 

*Cue image of Dawgrim, Evil Orcy, and the Jock staring at one another passively with blank expressions as they realize that there aren’t any stunt doubles.*

 

But, with Triska’s verdict lingering and her teasing skills in full effect, will any suitor be able to get a piece of the action?

 

*Cue panning close-up shot on the shower door with the water running and a silhouette behind it. The door opens on the camera, causing it to fall over.*

 

And now, Dawgrim’s Reek continues…

 

The camera crew turns its lenses in the direction of this month’s set piece, which consists of one of Venefyxatu’s necromantic sacrifice chambers that’s been transformed into a brightly lit goblin academy classroom. Many rows of seat-desks raided from goblin junkyards line the room in a crooked manner, with crudely dressed troglyodyte fill-in actors seated in the majority of them. The desk seats all face a lecture stand that’s been set up where the room’s sacrificial alter would normally be. Ominous torches typically used for sacrifices surround the large sheet of black painted wood that constitutes the blackboard, and a miniature piece of metal rests next to the chalk in case any screeching sound effects are needed. The cameras briefly pan over the barred exit doors of both sides of the chamber before their vision is blocked by the obtrusive font of the show's title:

 

Dawgrim’s Reek

Sponsored by Almost Dragonic Brand Shredded Armadillo Hide Brushes™

 

Once the annoying letters have disappeared, the cameras re-focus their attention on the black board of wood, where a stout troglyodyte in an ill-fitted plaid shirt pretends to scribble things. The troglyodyte raises his script and reads with a lack of enthusiasm befitting of his lines, droning in a nasal voice induced by a clothespin squeezed over his nose.

 

“Blah blah blah sex ed. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah 101 blah.”

 

The cameras pan back as the goblin academy teacher continues to attempt writing things on the rather difficult board. They pass by an attentive troglyodyte, a bored troglyodyte, a doodling troglyodyte, a yawning troglyodyte, and a snoozing troglyodyte (who’s supposed to be awake, but is too bored by the script) before finally reaching Dawgrim. The coolest kid in Biology class leans back in his seat with his hands behind his head, rolling a black toothpick chipped from the blackboard in his mouth and standing out like a red rose in a sea of gray… and not just because of his scales. The overgrown lizard’s custom painted purple jacket and white open-collared button-down shirt challenged the show’s limited fashion budget. Dawgrim flashes the “Made with Almost Dragonic Brand Shredded Armadillo Hide Brushes™” tag on the side of his jacket, then pulls out a piece of paper and begins scribbling something.

 

“Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah his drumstick blah blah. Blah blah blah.”

 

Dawgrim glances over one row and four seats to the right to make sure that Triska B’Shell is there, then grins and scribbles a little heart with a question mark next to it onto his sheet. He signs it “DG” and then crumples it into a little ball, rubbing his snout against it for good luck. He carefully aims and tosses it in Triska’s direction, only to miss her by a solid three rows and watch his paper fall straight into a wastebasket. Grumbling to himself, Dawgrim reaches back into his Almost Dragonic Brand Goblin Dynamite Rucksack™ and pulls out a flat rock. After chiseling the same message into the stone with the tip of his ultra slick comb, he aims and tosses the rock in Triska’s direction… only to accidentally knock one of the more attentive troglyodytes into a profound sleep. The naughtiness of it all does seem to catch Triska’s attention ever so slightly, however.

 

“Blah blah her gravy blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah.”

 

Dawgrim flashes a winning grin as he tries to gage Triska’s reaction from where he’s sitting. Winking at her, he brushes one claw through his wavy black wig and uses his other to unbutton one or two more notches of his already loose shirt. The goblin academy hunk rolls down the right sleeve of his jacket and attempts his best stereotypical muscle flex, nodding to himself until he notices that Triska’s eyes are aimed back in the direction of the blackboard.

 

“Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah seasoning blah blah blah.”

 

Determined to win back Triska’s attention, Dawgrim tugs a pink eraser jammed into the side of his desk loose and turns it in his claws. Leaning over to the left so that Triska might have a chance to see his stunt, Dawgrim lets his forked tongue slide across the front of the eraser in a slow and lascivious manner. He slowly coils his tongue around the length of the pink object with a grin, narrowing his eyes until he realizes that his tongue is now knotted around the eraser and refuses to become uncoiled…

[CheerMynx]

Choking slightly as he struggled to free his tongue from the eraser, it took Dawgrim a moment to realise that he had earned the attention of not only Triska, but the entire (conscious) class. Even the teacher had stopped his bored script-reading and was looking at Dawgrim with a pained expression that might or might not have been a result of the clothespin.

 

Grinning weakly at his newfound audience, Dawgrim yanked the eraser free with a 'snap!', wincing as he pulled his still tangled tongue back into his mouth. Triska put her paw to her face and giggled, while the teacher returned to his script.

 

"Blah blah blah spices blah blah blah."

 

Stealing another glance at Triska, Dawgrim was pleasantly surprised this time to see her smiling at him. One paw played teasingly with her hair as she winked at him. Dawgrim blinked stupidly for a moment, before he grinned back and sweeped his claws through his hair (nearly removing his wig in the process).

 

Smirking, Triska tossed her hair and leaned back in her chair in a luxurious catlike stretch, making no attempt to hide her teasing. Not to be outdone, Dawgrim pushed back further in his chair until he was balancing only on the rickety seat's back two legs.

 

Moments later, the school bell rang, its sound not dissimilar to a foghorn. Startled, Dawgrim lost his balance and fell backwards with a crash. His desk - which he had grabbed at with his tail in a desperate attempt for balance - crashed on top of him moments later.

 

Groaning as he struggled to untangle himself from the broken furniture, Dawgrim was distracted from his attempts for freedom when he noticed Triska's paws standing a few inches away from his snout. Looking up at (the general area of) Triska's face, Dawgrim attempted another grin as if to say 'I meant to do this.'

 

Purring a soft laugh, Triska tossed her hair once more and sauntered to the door, pausing only to look back over her shoulder.

"Gee, Dawgrim, you don't wanna be late for gym class, do ya?"

Winking, the most popular girl in school flicked her tail and left the room.

[Wyvern]

Dawgrim inadvertently wraps his tongue back around the pink eraser as he lies in the desk heap, his vision of Triska’s skirt hem replaced by an imagined image of the bombshell wearing skin-tight gym shorts and an extra-showy sports blazer. He lays in the comfort of his table wreck for several minutes before a troglyodyte passes by and drops a note off on what was previously his desktop. Dawgrim snatches up the note and opens it, only to crane his neck as he finds the next page of the show’s script written inside.

 

“Ssso, how’d you like class today Trisssk…?” Dawgrim raises a brow and sits upright in the mess of broken wood and mixed coursework, pausing in his dialogue to read over a scene meant to directly follow the class flirtation scene. His jaw drops open when he realizes that he’s missing out on the scripted opportunity to chat with Triska B’Shell about the merits of sex ed. “Chee – err, Trissska, w-w-wait up!”

 

Dawgrim scrambles out of the desk wreckage at an alarmingly fast rate, dashing out of the room in pursuit of Triska and causing the cameras to spin as he zooms by.

 

“CUT!”

 

---

 

Next time, on Dawgrim’s Reek

 

*cue still shot of an unprofessional mud wrestling ring labeled “Goblyn Gym”*

 

Dawgrim and Triska decide to meet after class behind the sports building for a little privacy and a whole lot of heat

 

*cue image of Dawgrim’s tail stinger landing in a little stick fireplace labeled “heater,” which is located directly behind the mud wrestling ring “gym.”*

 

But when the Jock drops in to beat the living friskiness out of Dawgrim, will our hero be able to man up?

 

*cue a repeat of image from the last preview, showing an unhappy Dawgrim chained down in a goblin detention hall next to hot pokers used for torturing delinquents*

 

Dawgrim’s Reek episode 3: “(Daw)Grim Gym”