The Almost Report and the Mightiest Pen

[Wyvern]

The news cameras swerve away from a shadowed area of CheerMynx’s otherwise bright and colorful bedroom HQ, shifting their focus to the odd décor scattered around the cheerline’s quarters. Pens of various shapes and sizes hang from the ceiling on strings, only the pens don’t seem to be made of any typical calligraphic material… in fact, they seem to be composed of calligraphy itself. The hanging sketches of pens still seem material enough, swaying when the cameras pass by and occasionally getting caught in a careless troglyodyte news man’s scales. The cameras work their way through the dangling pen decorations until they reach Wyvern, who is seated on CheerMynx’s bed next to a small sketched penthouse no larger than a doll house. The overgrown lizard adjusts the sketched suite and tie on his scales, which cover little of his upper torso given the hollow center of the sketches, then turns to the cameras.

 

“Greetingsss, and welcome to another ep of the Almossst Report – the sketchiest show on the Pen sssince Signe’s Whipped Cream Hour.” Wyvern brushes the scales back on his head instinctively after mentioning Signe’s name, then clears his throat and points a claw at the intricately drawn tiny mansion at his side. “We’re reporting to you live adjacent to the mystic Pen’s quarters in the hopes of belatedly honoring Mardrax’s birthday. The mysterious Pen was a creation of Mardrax after all… or wasss Mardrax a creation of the mysterious Pen? Nobody knowsss for sure...”

 

Wyvern hisses and pulls out a tome entitled “The Chicken or the Pen?”, which depicts a pen hatching out of an egg and Mardrax photoshopped into an outlandish chicken outfit on the cover. Wyvern turns the book over so the cameras can get a decent shot of the exuberant price tag, the Almost Dragonic Brand Philosloppical Publishing™ icon, and the blurb from Zool’s rubber chicken on the back.

 

“Thessse answers n’more in this neat little compendium, only 250 geld cheap. C’mon, it’sss worth it for the expression of Mardrax’s face on the cover alone.”

 

Wyvern snickers and tosses the book onto one of CheerMynx’s pillows, then motions towards the mystic Pen’s professionally drawn mansion. The cameras get a clear shot of the scribbled construction, though they’re unable to make out the ink pool and stencil resting case of the interior. Wyvern taps the sketched roof of the manor and stretches his wings in the background.

 

“The mysssteries of The Pen’s abilitiesss are also up for debate, of courssse. How do it’s drawingsss materialize? What drives it to sketch such elaborate objectsss? Would it be open to endorsing Almost Dragonic Brand Sickly Squid Ink™?”

 

Wyvern clears his throat and pulls out another book, this one titled “Envious of Pens” and showing a gigantic pen dressed in loose denim trousers on the cover. He flips it over to show the exuberant price tag, Almost Dragonic Brand Philosloppical Publishing™ icon, and Quillbearer book club seal on the back.

 

“Thisss lil’ tome should fill in a bunch of the blanksss for you in our trademark semi-philosloppical manner. Only 250 geld, cheap.” Wyvern strikes a toothy grin and holds the book up next to his face in a classic salesman pose. “Ssspeaking of which, be sure to fill in the blanks in the latessst Mighty Pen Madlib if you haven’t done so yet. Only 110 geld. Cheap.”

 

With that, Wyvern tosses the book next to “The Chicken or the Pen” and stretches out on CheerMynx’s bed with a sigh. He motions to the cameras to turn away as he takes a giant whiff of one of the cheerline’s pillows, trying to see if he can detect a scent…