Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 The clicking Always there, never silent, but it drifts to the back of your mind Exhausted, after 7 hours sitting or rushing between doors Happy, for some strange contest that you've got a chance at Calm, because it's the end Nervous, for who knows why? But it's just a niggling feeling that you don't realize Until you've thought about it Loving, for I see her sitting across from me With my face And yet with the unhaltable desire to snap the hair-tie on her wrist Just for fun And for her reaction of a swat to the head or a kick in the shin For her attention In some way Exactly 3:00 pm not 3:01 or 2:59 And then he walks back in and sits down and you wonder where he went, Wasn't he leaving? He begins typing She has gotten up and is across the room Slightly sad-- want her back Now it's 3:01 No longer 3 pm Exactly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 I like this poem, Kikuyu. :-) The personal details and the feelings associated to them make this piece feel intimate, and the way that you tie the turn of events together with the hour is very well done. I also like how you tap into the twin element with "I see her sitting across from me/With my face," and how the guy who interrupts the moment isn't demonized (though the annoyance shines through in the line "Wasn't he leaving?"). Anyway, cool poem once again Kikuyu, thanks for sharing it. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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