Regel Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 (edited) I never meant to hurt you But hurt you I have. You think I 've stopped caring But you know that's not true. Yes, I'm unhappy But I am not angry at you. You're a woman And I'm a man. How differently we see the world. How differently we are treated How different, yet How much we are the same. I care, you care You hurt, I hurt too I can't always show you my heart And I could never read your mind But if we could….you and I would know That we love each other still even when it doesn't show. Edited June 21, 2008 by Regel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrenWind Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 I so know what you mean. *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 I suggest imagery to make the poem more unique: stamp your footprint in the mud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da_Yog Posted June 21, 2008 Report Share Posted June 21, 2008 I actually think there is a form of implied imagery at work here. I could very much see the sorrow and anger at work in the words without them being directly spoken. There is an aftermath of a fight in play, a possible separation between two people, and a contortion of emotions twisting two people to the breaking point. I'm not sure this needs the normal form of imagery to be successful. I wouldn't be opposed to seeing it with that kind of imagery but I don't know that it would improve it. Anyway Regel, I think you conveyed the pain and emotion quite well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 A very heartfelt poem Regel, thank you for sharing it here. *hugs* For some reason, when considering the love between people that is sometimes cloaked by hardships and pain, I seem to recall the last chapter of "Ulysses" when Bloom's wife's thoughts stream forth and the love behind her relationship troubles is revealed. Anyway, you touch upon the hidden emotions well here, with the last five lines driving across the feelings of the piece nicely in my opinion. The only part of the poem that I didn't care for as much were lines 7-12, as they felt more like common knowledge to me and seemed less personal than the rest of the piece. Anyway, thanks again for sharing this Regel. A nice look into the endlessly complicated emotions that can be stirred between people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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