A Girl With No Name

[Silver WInd]

A Girl With No Name

 

There was a girl

who had eyes

that saw the world

in a gleam of

harsh yellow light

for just a moment

for those who know

all is revealed.

 

She had the touch

the curse which was given

through the metallic nights

of black and yellow

somewhere dusty

and rank where

the roaches can watch.

 

She could fathom

herself a Madonna

her tears the stigmata

but it was upon her thighs

she bleeds.

 

How could such a one

have any end but

a tragic one

her body left

but there would be none

to make a Saint of her

as she lay unknown

just as soon forgotten.

[Wyvern]

Very nice poem, Silver Wind. :-) The imagery involving yellow light and "metallic nights" is interesting and suggests something artificial in the girl that the poem describes. Her tragic tale on the whole is also interesting... I particularly like the fear elicited at the end, when the element of being forgotten surpasses the possibility of martyrdom. In terms of possible things to improve in future revisions, I found that the first two or three lines of the last stanza had more interjection from the narrator than other lines of the poem, and they felt a little awkward to me for this reason. Also, the lines "for those who know/all is revealed" in the first stanza were a little too vague to be meaningful in my opinion, and the "she bleeds" at the end of the third stanza didn't correspond with the tense of the rest of that stanza. It may simply be a matter of punctuation, though - more periods or comas to indicate seperate thoughts and images might work very well here.

 

Anyway, very nice piece overall once again Silver Wind. :-) Thank you for sharing it here.

[Silver WInd]

Thank you for your coments as always