Wyvern Posted April 22, 2008 Report Share Posted April 22, 2008 The news camera lenses fade into focus and slowly pan over the rather unusual arrangements of CheerMynx’s bedroom HQ. Bright pink handlebars have been professionally taped to the walls near inclines, and extra-loud rustle sensitive pompoms have been littered in strategic locations throughout the room. The cameras continue panning right as a small box appears on the lower right-hand corner of the screen, and a troglyodyte news crew member pops up in it to signal with what appears to be some prehistoric version of sign language for the hearing impaired. The signaling troglyodyte shakes his head and raises a webbed hand to his nose as the cameras reach Wyvern, who is looking rather worried and disheveled in his position seated on CheerMynx’s bed. The overgrown lizard squints and bites his lip as he sets another piece of Braille on a messy sheet of paper labeled “CheerMynx script,” then lets out an exasperated sigh and turns his head to the news cameras. “Welcome to the latesssst episode of the Almost Report – now as blindness friendly as our budget allowsss.” Wyvern forces an awkward half-grin while the troglyodyte in the sign language box signals by pulling his empty pockets out of his breeches. “We’re putting a temporary hold on our Pen quarter invasionssss in the hopes of creating a working atmosphere for our favorite minion-less Almost Intern, which’ll hopefully decrease accidents and injuriesss. Hopefully. Jussst a matter of re-checking everything now. Yep, you’ll see. We’ll be jusssst fine.” Wyvern shifts himself off of the bed and smoothes down some of the messy scales on his head, scanning the arrangements of the room with a beady critic’s eye. The reptilian reporter wanders down the length of CheerMynx’s bed, tapping several rustle sensitive pompoms with his tail and nodding at the noises that they make. “In current Pen newsss, our bootleg broadcassstin rival Snypiuer has kicked off the first round of Grim Squeaker Punt/Pass and Kick Games in the Conssservatory.” Wyvern pauses as the sign language troglyodyte performs an enthusiastic kick to convey the gist of the game and falls over in his box. “The game is sssportive, fun, and (most importantly) Almost Dragonic endorsssed… meaning a good portion of the profitsss will go straight into the endless monetary pit of this Report. Playing the game is also expected to increase the health and life expectancy of ratsss everywhere since, y’know, the Death of Ratsss is getting kicked around. Give it a whirl!” Wyvern steps up to the head of the bed and turns his claw over a knob that’s been positioned on its frame, causing two bright red stop lights to flash on in front of the wall. The lights illuminate a poster of the Starry Eyed Bards of Burgendy that’s been posted up behind the bed, giving their sparse chainmail and suggestive winks a crimson hue. “In other headlinesss, Pen authorities were baffled this morning when they found the Cabaret walls defaced with a minor piece of Pen vandalism. Investigator I. M. Clueless declined to make a statement about the crime, informing media that the statement ‘Snypiuer waz here’ didn’t offer any immediate leads.” Wyvern clearsss his throat and scratches one of his horns over the assessment. The sign language troglyodyte scratches his head as well. “And sssspeaking of the convicted, there’sss also a new Cabaret brainstorming table dedicated to helping the Demi-God of Suicide Squirrel Squadrons come up with planet death ideas. A mussst-visit for the esoteric minded.” Wyvern wanders away from the bed and darts from one side of the room to another, pushing chairs and other obstacles to the far end of the room while the sign language troglyodyte races around in circles to translate the lizard’s feelings to viewers. Wyvern eventually comes to a stop and kneels over to pant to himself in hisses, wiping the sweat from his shirt collar and rolling his eyes. “*Pant* ‘ssscuse me *pant.* To update pennites on other current *pant* Pen events, the wolf target of Operation Werewolf XXXIX has been neutralized and the event is now closssed. Be on the lookout for more Werewolf appearances in the Conservatory Werewolf OOC station to prep yerssself for some new hunts.” Wyvern purses his claws together and grins, causing the sign language trogylodyte to shake his head and wave a finger in front of himself. “In the meantime, why not drop by the recent Almost Dragonic Brand Modern Artsy Exhibit Travel Agency/Confection Stand and treat yerself to some inter-planar gumballs? Only 30 geld, cheap.” Wyvern straightens up and clears his throat, still clearly a bit nervous that the extra-loud pompom trail is too crooked or perhaps that the red bed frame stoplights aren’t bright enough. The overgrown lizard bites his lip as he glances left and right for the troglyodyte escort that was supposed to help guide CheerMynx in, unaware that the same troglyodyte is mistakenly broadcasting from the sign language box off-set. Wyvern gulps and pulls a small pink piece of paper from his back pocket, examining it curiously and blinking at the messy handwriting. “Finally, CheerMynx would like to announce that…” Wyvern twists his snout and squints at the unusually messy cheerline print. “CheerMynx would like to announce that she’sss searching for any pennite who might want to volunteer to act as her eyesight assistant. Jussst send her a Personal Message if yer interested.” Wyvern slowly nods and folds up the paper, then freezes up at the thought of a handsome and charismatic pennite eyesight assistant stealing the show along with all of CheerMynx’s attention. The overgrown lizard’s eyes widen a bit, and his lower lip begins to quiver as he drops to his knees and cries: “Sssssnnnuuuuffffflllleesss! Come back!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheerMynx Posted April 22, 2008 Report Share Posted April 22, 2008 The desperate plea had barely left the Almost Dragon's lips when there was a loud crash, followed by a clatter and flurry of wings. "Ow!" "Like-" *bang!* "Let-" "C'mon..." "Me-" *CLANG!* "Please?" "GO!" *CRASH!* The door slammed open to reveal CheerMynx's tail as the cheerline backed into the room, dragging a large gilded - and expensive looking - birdcage with her. She succeeded in getting about three feet into the room before she tripped, falling backwards with a loud squeal as her momentum threw the cage into the far corner where it landed with another loud crash. "Like, ow," CheerMynx muttered as she sat up and rubbed her head. The lack of eyesight was beginning to show on the cheerline - her cheerleader skirt and top were not colour coordinated, her ponytail was nowhere near as carelessly perfect, her claws were not painted cleanly... The now dented cage's inhabitant rattled the bars and flapped its wings impatiently. "CheerMynx, let me outta here!" "Aww, come *oof* on Crypty," CheerMynx pleaded as she crawled clumsily over the bed and in the direction of the cage, slipping and falling headfirst off the edge with a yelp and a thud that caused both Wyvern and the Cryptomancer to wince at. "It'll like be just like being a parrot!" the cheerline gave a lopsided smile that showed signs of a pending concussion as she righted herself and began to fumble with the cage. "I am NOT a parrot!" the raven let out a desperate squawk. "Pleeeeeeeeeease, Crypty? Come on! I even spent the fashion fund on this pretty birdcage for you!" Wyvern winced silently at that bit of news, even as the arugment continued. "Besides it's like, only until Snuffles comes back..." CheerMynx continued to ramble as she succeeded in finding the cage door and opening it, reaching in and grabbing the raven bodily. "CheerMynx! I'm not one of your bleeding minions!" The Cryptomancer flapped desperately. "Hasn't Mynx told you anything about how it worked with Snuffles?!" CheerMynx's blind stare grew even more blank at that statement, causing both Wyvern and the raven to groan softly. "I...think Mynx said I just had to use magic but I can't do what she does so I think she set it up for me or got Snuffles to do it but I remember kinda like totally how it started I just need to like push and..." With the grace of a falling brick, CheerMynx tried to force her mind to link with the Cryptomancer's. The resulting backlash separated the two as the raven fluttered frantically towards the ceiling while the cheerline slumped back against the bed, blind eyes crossing as the now-concussed Almost Intern blinked in confusion. "Crazy cat!" the raven yelled as he circled the room once to clear his headache before he shot out the door, flapping for his life. CheerMynx continued to sit on the floor and blink stupidly. "So, like, it didn't work? I kinda see colours...oooh colours..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted April 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2008 The expression of despair on Wyvern's face grows more and more twisted as he watches the events that transpire between Cryptomancer and CheerMynx, whimpering as his full-proof blindness safety set-up goes completely to waste. The reptilian reporter raises his claws to his snout as the dizzy CheerMynx coos about colors, quietly stammering and looking onward with wide eyes as he finds himself at a loss for what to do. He stands in a trance for several minutes until a crashing sound in the background makes him come to his horrified senses. The lizard attributes the sound of one of the stoplights falling from CheerMynx's bedframe... though it was probably just the show ratings plummeting in the background. "Would sssomebody PLEASSSE get an icy mini-pompom for CheerMynx'sss head?!" Wyvern tears at his scales as he evaluates the bedroom mess and fumes over the situation, wandering up to CheerMynx with a worried look on his face and holding up his claws in front of her. "CheerMynxie, are you alright? That was sssome fall. How many clawsss am I holding up?" Wyvern moves two claws slowly in front of CheerMynx's face until he notices her confused expression, and hisses a silent curse as he realizes that the sight-based method of testing consciousness isn't going to work. The sign language troglyodyte in the news box slaps his head to offer a simple translation to Wyvern's actions. "WHERE IS THE-" Wyvern turns with a clenched claw, only to pause as a webbed troglyodyte hand reaches from off-screen and drops off the mini-pompom as requested. The reptilian Elder grumbles a glum word of thanks and holds the icy pompom up to CheerMynx's head. "Hold thisss for me CheerMynxie, I gotta go clean thingsss up a bit." Wyvern turns and groans at the state of the post-CheerMynx bedroom, hobbling through the mess and gathering as many rustle sensitive pompoms as his tail stinger and claws can muster. He stares blankly when he comes to a pink handlebar that's been torn from its taped spot on the wall, and leans to pick it up only to notice the dented deluxe bird cage out the corner of his beady eye. The overgrown lizard winces again as he scoops up the bird cage with a claw, giving it a long hard look before trekking back over to CheerMynx's bed. "L-lisssten CheerMynx, about the Almossst Intern Fashion Fund. We reeeaaaaalllly need to have a talk about the contract." Wyvern examines the bent birdcage to check see if it might pass for a future sound effect instrument for the Report, then sets it at CheerMynx's side and pulls out a parchment. "Claussse 1 of our Fund contract sssstipulates that geld accumulated by the Fund should only be usssed to fund CheerMynx'sss fashionable attire. Meaning it shouldn't go into minion dwellingsss. See? It'sss written right here." Wyvern points to the passage with a claw while nodding his head, only to droop his wings and tail as he notices CheerMynx shaking her head. Suddenly realizing the reading sight dilemma, the overgrown lizard turns to the cameras with a frantic expression on his face and yells: "Pen eyesight minions URGENTLY NEEDED! Pleasssse PM CheerMynx if interesssted. Benefits negotiable." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snypiuer Posted April 27, 2008 Report Share Posted April 27, 2008 Static fills the screen: V1: Did you feed it? V2: Yeah. But, I think we shouldn't anymore. V1: Boss said feed it. V2: Yeah, but have you seen how FAT it is now? V1: You're one to tal. . . HOLY JEE!!! V3: meow? V1: How does it move?! V2: Well, it leans to one side and pushes, then leans to the other side, you get the picture. V3: meow? V2: At least we don't have to worry about hairballs anymore. V1: What? V2: Too fat to lick itself. V1: Oh. V3: meow? V2: Kind of looks like that kid that ate that gum, last time the boss gave a tour of the factory. V1: How many times do you have to be told, 'DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE FACTORY'?!? V3: meow? V2: I just. . . V1: DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE FACTORY! V3: meow? V2: O.K.! V3: meow? V2: You sure this is 'THE' one? V1: Boss says it is. V2: Really? Think the lizard knows? V3: meow? V1: Wouldn't be surprised if he was behind it. Always, "What would I do without her? What if she leaves?" V3: meow? V2: I can just see him plastered and crying into a chalice of Ol' Peculiar! V1: Yeah! By the way, he send over the new transcript? V3: meow? V2: Yeah, still playing the 'Plausible Deniability' angle. Says that's why he can't pay us. V3: meow? V1: EXCUSE ME!? V2: Boss says he's got it covered. V1: Oh. Well, that's O.K. WHOW! Time to start! Turn it on. V2: O.K. V3: meow? V1: GET THAT OUT OF HERE! Two rather large squirrels appear on screen. The fatter one seems to be kicking something off screen. V3: MEEOOWWW! S1: Hello everyone! S2: Hi! S1: Due to injuries and what I must say is out right fear. . . S2: FEAR! S1 looks at S2, S2 gives a "What!?" look at S1. S1: Injuries and fear has limited The Grim Squeaker Punt, Pass and Kick Games to only a few contestants. S2: That's right. But, word is Snypiuer has recovered from his injuries and will make another attempt. S1: We eagerly await his next appearance and hope his success will encourage others to overcome their fear. . . S2: FEAR!! Once again, S1 looks at S2 and S2 gives a "What!?" look at S1. S1: OVERCOME their fear and make their own attempt. S2: Yeah. Get out their and show that rat what's what! S1 shoves S2 off camera. S2: HEYYY!!! S1: What he means is, The Grim Squeaker (as a WILLING participant) looks foreward to as many contestants joining in the fun as possible. V2: KICK THAT RATS A. . . S1 throws his microphone off stage. V2: OOWWW!!!! S1: SHUT UP! S1 turns back to camera. S1: We now return you to Wyvern. Static fills the screen: V1: WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION!? V2: HE BIT ME!!! V1: GET OVER IT! V2: FINE! V1: FINE! Sheesh! V3: meow? V2: What exactly IS a minion? V3: meow? V1: Just feed it! V2: Ooo.Kaayy. . . . V3: meow? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degorram Posted April 28, 2008 Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 (edited) Degorram blinked and raised an eyebrow as she sat on the couch watching TV. She turned her head and glanced at Kikuyu, who was sharpening a knife and not paying any attention to the News Report at all. "I don't think Wyvern likes our Intern very much," Degorram said sarcastically with a small smile. "Mmmhmmm...." Kikuyu replied absently. "You're not listening to me." "Of course not. I'm busy." "Then stop being busy." "Is it perhaps our licckle Dego is.....jealous?" "NEVER." "I don't believe you." "What's not to believe?!? Why!?!?!" "Because you're needy like that." "I'm not." "Are too." "I'm not listening to you anymore." "Then my goal has been accomplished." Edited April 28, 2008 by Degorram Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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