DL_Snake Posted March 12, 2008 Report Share Posted March 12, 2008 (edited) You left me A henless chick Lost in a hostile world You left me Effortlessly With nary an effort In keeping us as one You left me In abandonment As a seed without water In an arid desert My personal hell: love’s Sahara You left me No looking back At times shared good and bad At efforts spent and unspent You and I Respectively You left me Bewildered and aghast Torn and despondent For did we not share a joy One fortnight ago Forgotten Irrelevant You left me You left our love Mayhaps never existed for you Mayhaps I never counted to you Changing my feel for you Changing a love once as yew To an effervescent drop of dew I bid thee, adieu. Edited March 12, 2008 by DL_Snake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DL_Snake Posted March 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 this is just me writing after a break up...I don't mind comments or criticisms, but mostly it's just to share my feelings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrenWind Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted March 28, 2008 Report Share Posted March 28, 2008 Thanks for choosing to share this poem with us here, DL Snake. :-) It seems like a nice way to put the relationship behind you and move on, and I sympathize with the feelings of abandonment and dejection that the situation evokes. Not going to comment much on the technical aspects of the poem since you mainly put it here to share feelings, but I will note that the "henless chick" metaphor at the beginning of the poem felt a little different then the others... perhaps because when I think of a "chick," I immediately think of a baby chicken, which gives the metaphor more of a father abandonment connotation than a girlfriend abandonment connotation. Anyway, still nice, thanks for sharing these feelings once again. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DL_Snake Posted May 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 thanks wyv =] I wasn't in a proper state of mind for a more, apt, metaphor. mostly i was feeling abandoned and left on my own hehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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