Silver WInd Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 (edited) The Sandman Darkness grows as the shadow on the wall grows stillness hovering in the air while sleeps fingers reach to ensnare and the dreams call to pull you under Feel the heaviness encroach just as the nights encroach a stealthy yet lethargic approach there is only the internal lullaby bidding you to drift away into the unknown There is not a sound in the world of sound no last stroke of a distant clock nor a single unruffled bark just a steady beating heart That counts the hour to your final hour when at last you must surrender in full awareness you will be lost So sleep now and forever sleep do not listen to those who weep we are not all but drifting sheep waiting for you in the deep. Edited March 9, 2008 by Silver Wind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted March 8, 2008 Report Share Posted March 8, 2008 Not at all bad, could us some proofreading though particularly in the first stanza. Also, could probably nix the last stanza or modify it some. Darkness grows as they shadow on the wall grows (if you do mean "they," then need some sort of pause after it like a common, but I think you mean "the"). stillness hovering in the air while sleep's fingers reach to ensnare and the dreams call to pull you under rev... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver WInd Posted March 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2008 Thank you for your coments. They should acutally be the, thanks for catching that one, I will go and fix it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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