Jump to content
The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

The Almost Report: a Photogenic Alternative to Actual News


Wyvern

Recommended Posts

A blurry image of what may or may not be a cylinder of some sort appears on screens across the Pen, interrupting Cabaret bulletins and important collect crystal ball incantations everywhere. The news cameras pan out a bit to reveal that the image is in fact a photograph in the midst of being developed. Some clarity begins seeping into the image after an extensive wait, but the photo never fully develops, left at a half-hazy image of a gray roll labeled “Almost Dragonic Brand Photo Developing Solu-” with some additional letters too faded to read. The cameras back up more as a scaly claw reaches down and plucks the photograph from its clothespin, revealing Wyvern wearing a protective plastic suit and a set of infared goggles that barely fit his snout.

 

“Greetingsss, it’s Almost Report time as usual at the Mighty Pen Keep.” Wyvern flails about a bit as he moves through the scarce lighting of the darkroom, his infared goggles providing little help considering the lack of warm bodied creatures in the vicinity. The overgrown lizard gets a line of hanging photographs caught in his wings as he fumbles through the room. “Thisss *urmph* evening, we’re reporting to you live from the *oomph* th’photo develop-*ack*-ing chamber of Silver Wind’s quarters in the hopes of belatedl-*eeeEEee*-y celebrating her birthday. Happy Birthday, Silver Wind! B-day fessstivities are ssstill going *argh* on in the Cabaret Room for anyone who wants to join in *clonk.* I also got her a *clang* got her a *ow!* got her *riiiip* ahhh ssscrew it, just give it a camera shot!”

 

Wyvern steps out from the darkroom into the well-lit study area of Silver Wind’s quarters, moving by piles of accumulated poetry drafts as he lifts the Almost Dragonic Brand Furry Nature Camera Lens™ (made with 50% live squirrel) so that the cameras can see it. He sets the odd-looking circular object on the top of a teetering pile of poetic imagery sheets, gift-wrap ribbon and all.

 

“In further newsss, Almost Intern fans will be disappointed to hear that CheerMynx will be absent from the Report for a bit longer than expected. We don’t have much to go by other than rumors at this point, but apparently the cheerline was held up by a gang of publicists and modeling agentsss during her recent makeover trip.” Wyvern breathes a wistful sigh and turns his eyes to a study wall on the right. The cameras swerve in that direction to reveal an enlarged glossy photograph of CheerMynx’s face with one of her unmistakably exuberant smiles, hanging over an expensive portrait. The overgrown lizard sidesteps his way over to the photo and slides a claw down the cheerline’s cheek affectionately, ripping it a bit in the process. “When she’ll be back depends entirely on the persssistence of the publicisssts and the number of offers she accepts, but I wanna extend my best wishes to her from everyone at the Almost Report… and yesss, that includes the camera men. Fans of CheerMynx may want to take this opportunity to send her a bit of fan mail jussst to let’er know she’sss loved, as I’m sure I speak for many when I say that I’m eagerly anticipating her return!”

 

Wyvern lets his forked tongue hang loose from his mouth at the very thought of the Almost Intern’s return, then proceeds to wander over to the central desk of Silver Wind’s study to examine a variety of writing utensils in a mug with a dark rose emblazoned on it. He pulls a sharp quill from the mug and dips it into an adjacent inkwell, then raises it to examine it, dribbling ink on his goggles.

 

“Ssspeaking of absent pennites, there’s a mini-reunion of sssorts for rare Pen presences going on in the Cabaret Room, at the following location.” Wyvern turns blindly and scribbles “What Happened to the Pen?” on what he assumes is a piece of paper, but which is actually an empty area of Silver Wind’s study wall. The lizard points to the unintentional graffiti with a grin. “Say hello to such venerable pennites as Falcon2001 and Valku D’ur, and don’t forget to congratulate Sssalinye and reverie for their recent accomplishments while yer at it. Eh? What’sss that?”

 

Wyvern lifts the ink-blotted infared goggles as a nearby troglyodyte whispers something a bit louder, and turns to find his leaky graffiti on Silver Wind’s otherwise pristine white wall. The overgrown lizard strikes a nervous grimace, then signals to the cameras in the hopes of covering up the vandalism as best as possible. His claw reaches for the white out on Silver Wind’s desk as the screen goes black…

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...