Dying Moon

[Kikuyu_Black_Paws]

Your starkly lighted beauty

Has nothing in compare

As you sail above the heavens

In a darkly shadowed lair.

 

Men pause in frequent wonder

At your beauteously scarr'ed face

But they cannot touch your splendor

Though they 'oft forget their place.

 

Ere now you shade your visage

And sink into the grave

Content to sleep alone until

The dawn light fades away.

 

The cooling of your presence

The soothing of your glow

Causes tides to ponder

But ne'er do they slow.

 

Finally you disappear

With the waning of the skies

And all eyes watch in 'mazement

As the shining mother dies.

Edited December 8, 2007 by Kikuyu Black Paws

[Da_Yog]

I enjoyed this. The rhyme wasn't overpowering but was there enough to be enjoyed. The imagery was quite nice: dark, sad, radiant, alone, and perhaps somewhat aloof. It was an interesting and new look at the moon.

[Silver WInd]

I really liked this, I loved the lanague used, and I thought it all flowed very nicely, some great imagery as well. Just one little thing I noticed

 

At your beauteously scarr'ed face

This line seemed a bit awakard to me, and broke the flow from the rest of the poem, it did not roll off the tounge as nicely as some of the other phrases and words used.

[Wyvern]

Very nice poem, Kikuyu. :-) I really like how you characterize the fading moon with a number of beautiful traits, and how you even treat the craters as marks of beauty in the eyes of men. I also found your choice to have "Men" be the ones who are taken in by the moon's beauty in the second stanza very interesting, as that and the reference to the moon as a "mother" in the final stanza gave the moon a feminine quality that I found original. The only thing I wasn't entirely sold on was the use of old slang words like "ne'er," "scarr'ed" or "oft," which gave the poem a sort of medieval feel but felt a little less genuine than the rest of the vocabulary in the piece.

 

Nicely done once again, Kikuyu. :-) Thanks for sharing this.

 

Wyvern twiddles his claws and decides that this could give an interesting new dimension to the term "moonbathing." He hesitates and decides not to request any Silver Wind camera work given the availability of telescopes around the Pen's quarters... ;-)