Silver WInd Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 The Merrow’s Game Bravely the pair set out hand in hand to face the far away strange new land mother and daughter stood stoic upon the bow beaten by the waves. "Do you hear! Do you hear!" cried the daughter. "Such music to move me" Come with me, come with me a voice cooed soft enchantment "It must be the Merrow's song to play so sweetly" "Nae! Nae!" Replied the mother "I hear nothing but how the wind howls into the sails." "Look! Look!" Pleaded the daughter "Do you not see?" Within the distance lithe figures seemed to twist and turn carelessly in play. "It is the Merrow's dancing upon the waves" "I see! I see!" Said the mother "The mist is shifting in the breeze" "No! No!" wailed the daughter "They have a hold of me" such a pretty girl you must come away with me and play in all our watery games The mother turned to her daughter and found her there no more, and her gaze fell upon the churning waters. "My child! My child!" she screamed. The sea had claimed another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 This reminded me of the fae stories of the Tuatha DeDanna of Irish myth. Very captivating, I loved the description and the enchanting tone that the mother's lack of sight and hearing added. Thoroughly enjoyable!!!!! ***** (five star rating) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver WInd Posted November 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Thank you very much, and the Merrow are a sea fae from Irish tales Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da_Yog Posted November 3, 2007 Report Share Posted November 3, 2007 I too like this. It captures the spirit of the dark faeries from Celtic myth. My only lament is that it wasn't longer. I would have really liked to see more play back and forth between the mother and daughter before the end. At any rate, nicely done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver WInd Posted November 3, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 3, 2007 Thank you, yes, I have shared your sentiment and wondered if I should ot have tried to make it go a little longer but then I did not want to risk the interplay getting two redundent between the two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da_Yog Posted December 15, 2007 Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 (edited) Recently I was reading up on some of the ancient forms of celtic poetry and wondered how this poem, with its strong Celtic roots, would look in a traditional Celtic format. I admit I settled on the Ae Freslighe because it was one of the least difficult forms to immitate. That being said, it was not an easy form. The rules of the Ae Freslighe are as follows: Ae freslighe: (ay fresh lee): Each stanza is a quatrain of seven syllables. Lines one and three rhyme with a triple (three syllable) rhyme and two and four use a double (two syllable) rhyme. As was stated earlier. the poem should end with the first syllable word or the complete line that it began with. x x x x (x x a) x x x x x (x b ) x x x x (x x a) x x x x x (x b ) Source:Celtic Poetry I freely admit that I wasn't able to maintain the required rhyme scheme in its pure intended form. However I do feel it gets some of that old Celtic poetic feel. At any rate I feel there is much work to be done in word selection but I present this as it is somewhat complete and honestly I've been working on it all week and I'm tired of looking at it. At some point in the future I'll come back to it and do some more tweaking. As always comments are welcome—especially if you can help me out with a bit of assonance or alliteration in a line that is bereft of it. Also, many thanks to Silver Wind for allowing me the opportunity to rewrite this poem. The Merrow’s Game I Bravely went they journeying. Keeping on the left, Ireland, Sea all about afrothing, All eyes fixed on their island. Thoughts sweetly on Tir-na-nOg, Daughter's hand gripped in Mother's. Brows in the wind afurrowed, Cloaks wrapped to keep them warmer. II A mist rolled in eerily. Mother smiled to her daughter, Arms wrapped around her warily, As sea-fae sang in water. "Come to the sea, lil darling," Child's eyes widened on hearing. "Come be with me, lil starling," Her eyes to mom were peering. Mother heard wind whistling, Saw the sea gently swelling, Felt the sea-spray caressing, And mired in the mists lulling. Sung the voice of enchantment, "Come to our sea of playing," As fey forms made merriment, "Come sing to faeries swaying." Small hands tugged mom's heavily, "Look! Do you see that dancing?" Mom's eyes shifted wearily, "Yes, I see the foam prancing." Mother heard wind whistling, Saw the sea gently swelling, Felt the sea-spray caressing, And mired in the mists lulling. Little dress spun suddenly When a deck-tune came tapping Eyes looked about warily Louder grew the Fae drumming. Small hands tugged down pensively "Do you hear the sweet drumming?" Mom squeezed cold hand tenderly. "Yes, I hear the deck thumping." Mother heard wind whistling, Saw the sea gently swelling, Felt the sea-spray caressing, And mired in the mists lulling. “Let us go play, lil darling. Oh, there's no need for treaty. Just for a while, lil starling. She won't miss you sweetie.” Small hands in cold residing, One step and they left smiling, Small feet on deck colliding, Ever on the sea wiling. With the chill mist receding: Mother felt small hand missing, Heard tapping steps retreating, Felt sea-salt on face pressing. III Broken was the enchantment. Mother searched for her darling. Tears poured out an indictment As she stood on the carling. She ran on the caravel From one end to the other, Dress wide like a jezebel, Calling out for her daughter. Mother heard sails billowing, Felt wind’s softening spirit, Saw the Gael-sea mellowing, As she stood on the bowsprit. IV Each year on the annual, On her ship, she went sailing, The Gael-sea flowed temporal, Ever to daughter wailing. "I'll find you, my lil darling," Mother cried to waves roiling, "I love you, sweet lil starling," She called over foam toiling. Mother heard sails billowing, Felt wind’s softening spirit, Saw the Gael-sea mellowing, As she stood on the bowsprit. As her final testament, With her hair gently graying, Once more she gave sacrament. One more time, she went sailing. Dying thoughts on Tir-na-nOg, Right hand gripped daughter’s phantom In the wind, brows afurrowed. Foamy splashes seemed random. She saw the mist enchanting, Heard the Gael-sea sing sweetly, Saw fae-forms slow advancing, And sun glint off waves brightly. “Sweet mother, come adancing,” Sung the beautiful marrow. “With us, ever aprancing, And never need a barrow.” Mother’s eyes swam tearily As she heard long-lost voices, “Don’t cling to life drearily, Don’t make droll weary choices.” She saw the mist enchanting, Heard the Gael-sea sing sweetly, Saw fae-forms slow advancing, And sun glint off waves brightly. V Air stilled in the commotion. Her calming face glowed stately. A choice made on emotion— She dove in the sea bravely… Edited December 15, 2007 by Da_Yog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver WInd Posted December 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 Nice to see it posted. You did a great job with it. And I can attest to the fact that this is a very difficult style to work with as I myself had attemtped to write in this style but have not produced anything I truly felt was good enough for posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da_Yog Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Ah, thank you kindly. There's a gap I noticed between part three and part four that I will have to go back and fix one day; however, right now I'm too tired of looking at the form to take care of it so it will just have to wait. http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif I also definitely want to tighten up the wording a bit more. There's still some fluff I think in there but that too will have to wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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