The Almost Report Braves the Pen Animal Kingdom

[Wyvern]

The news cameras pull a 360 over a circular room, catching brief glimpses of a long window and several bookshelves before focusing in on Wyvern. The almost dragonic host sits on a large brown couch tucked away in the center of the room, surrounded by animals of various shapes and sizes. He hisses and struggles as a Somali cat sharpens its claws on his leg while a beagle jumps up and down in front of him. He mutters a string of curses as a Siberian husky continues barking at him and grits his teeth at the incessant chattering of the talking ferret in the background.

 

"Greetingssss unfaithful viewers, and welcome to another episode of the Almost Report." Wyvern shoves a Siamese cat to the side with one of his feet and clears his throat of a few ashes. "This evening, we take you live to an exclusive first look at Sora Hikari's personal quarters. Sora was kind enough to give me an exclusive first tour of her rooms via PM, ssso it's only natural that we use the space to our advantage. We here at the Almost Report encourage Sora Hikari and others to share the exact details of their quarters within the Many Rooms of the Pen Keep Catalog, which everyone should now be able to contribute to. We ssstill encourage Honored Guests to submit Pen applications to the Recruiter's Office as well, of course."

 

Wyvern hops out of his seat and steps on the Siamese cat's tail by accident, evoking a yowl that could probably be heard by Sora Hikari miles away. The overgrown lizard grits his teeth and raises his claws apologetically, then tosses an Almost Dragonic Brand Blunt Pin Cushion Ball™ to distract the playful beagle. He lifts his microphone device closer to his snout as the Siberian husky begins barking even louder while the ferret begins complaining about how the Siamese cat's tail is very sensitive.

 

"*Ahem* Not much elssse to report on the news front this evening." Wyvern frowns and sighs when the beagle brings back his Almost Dragonic Brand Blunt Pin Cushion Ball™ without the least bit of difficulty. "If yer searching for events to interact with other pennitesss in, you can grab some nice food at Yui-chan's B-day Party, guzzle a drink at the Mighty Pen Beerkeg Boxcar Derby, and contribute to purple fuzzy hissstory in Canid's Plague Account. And if pennite interactions ain't yer ssstyle, there's always the furry fan fictional Werewolf phenomenon to keep track of."

 

Wyvern freezes up as the noise of the room comes to a sudden standstill, triggered by the sound of footsteps ascending the staircases below. The overgrown lizard bites his lip and glances in both directions, listening to the clanging that echoes from the ladder below the room's entrance.

 

"Well, that'ssss it for this evening folksss." Wyvern lifts a claw to his horns in a villainous salute, then races to a door located at the end of a long bookshelf. "Until next week..."

 

Wyvern opens the door and races out with a triumphant cackle, only to find himself in freefall as the door leads directly to the thin air outside of the tall tower's walls. The overgrown lizard screams at the top of his lungs and begins flapping his wings in a frenzy, only to find his fall cut short as his tail stinger hooks onto the edge of Sora Hikari's carpet. The reptilian Elder's eyes bug out, however, when he notices that his weight is slowly testing the strength of the carpet fibers...

 

"Haaaaaallllllllllllpppp!"