ryurei Posted August 8, 2007 Report Share Posted August 8, 2007 falling down, wings are clipped, the chains bind, thoughts in chaos, can't see you anymore. the sun; it burns, clouds bring no rain, time is stills, the path twists, when lost to life. in darkness always, without breath, in silence waiting, till time resumes. OOC: make of it what you will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthaninnocent Posted August 11, 2007 Report Share Posted August 11, 2007 Very abstract, I like it. But what did you have in mind that you were describing? It reminded me of a slave ship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 Nice poem, mai. :-) Unlike mindofvividcolors, I didn't really get the impression that you were describing a specific event so much as that you were putting a number of emotions on display in a creative context. The most interesting part of the poem to me is how time becomes still in the second stanza (you might want to drop the "is" or the "s" from stills in the eighth line), and how the narrator is waiting for time to resume at the very end. A very desolate image, and one that works well given the general tone of the poem. Thanks for sharing this mai. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts