Almost Reported to the Office of Health & Sanitations

[Wyvern]

News cameras circle the pirate broadcasting HQ, which is still blackened from the TNT incident that occured several weeks back. Wyvern swivels in his creaky stool as the news medley goes through its cacophonous motions, then turns towards the camera screens and points a claw.

 

"Welcome to another evening of the Almost Report - giving the Pen a bad reputation for sssanitary reporting ever since the eve of the great explosion." Wyvern attempts to brush a spot of dirt off of his shirt, only to find that his claws have been covered in soot from when he rested them on the tabletop. The reptilian reporter grumbles to himself. "Ssspeaking of which, the Almost Report is still searching for any pennite with a cleaning strategy capable of eliminating this mess, though we've pretty much lost hope on finding one at this point. By the looksss of things, we'll be needing to move the report to a new location sometime sssoon... don't be surprised if we turn up in your quarters at some unexpected hour of the evening."

 

Wyvern nods and pulls a folded news document from the back of his horns. A live action news box appears in the upper righthand corner of the screen, displaying the image of Regel holding a basket full of angel wings sprinkled in chocolate.

 

"In tonight'sss news: Regel has recently offered membership in the esteemed Angels of Apocalypse to any pennites who have experience in Terra of Olde and are interested in warring." Wyvern snorts and shuffles his paper a bit. "We here at the report realize that this excludes 99% of current pennites, though it should be noted that pennites without experience can apply for an interview with Calculus for the Masses!, another adventuring guild that includes pennites and remains active in the same realm. Argent Dawn and Norrath have also been known as pennite stomping grounds, though it may be more difficult to track pennites in thossse planes as they tend to be more scattered. Those who have grown tired of the Pen Keep's limited portal capacity should find more expansive adventuresss in those realms, and are encouraged to tessst them if they're interesssted."

 

Wyvern snaps a claw, and the image in the news box switches to that of Norman the Runt with a very elegant look on his orcish face.

 

"In further news this evening fair/ Norman the Runt plays proper host/ to Muse roll call and all who dare/ Pentameter should make the most."

 

Wyvern attempts to translate the more poetic lines of his report to a goblin level of intelligence, only to find that his forked tongue is thoroughly tied. The overgrown lizard shrugs and bows to the cameras as screens across the Pen fade to black.