Almost Report the 13th w/ Dynamite Broadcasting

[Wyvern]

The torches of the broadcasting basement slowly light up as Wyvern makes his way through the discarded magazines and costume catalogues that dot the pirate news station's floor. The lizard pins a stray copy of "Naughty Nymph Magazine - Extra Wood Edition" on his tail stinger for post-news entertainment, then seats himself at the nearest broadcasting stool and points both claws towards the cameras. The reptilian Elder lets his tongue hang loose and waggles it around while waving his claws up and down, all in a failed attempt to look cool.

 

"Greetingsss unfaithful Pen viewers! Welcome to another episode of the Almost Report, your one-stop Wyvern banter spot." Wyvern winks to the cameras and cocks his feet onto the tabletop. "Co-ssstaring Whisky Hotshot Malone, who should be eye-candied out in a mammoth fur coat and little else this evening if all goesss according to plan. Ssstay tuned."

 

Wyvern waves a claw carelessly in the air, causing a news box to appear in the righthand corner of the screen. The box displays a red background, with the letters "TNT" written across it in white.

 

"In this evening'sss news, I'd like to announce that the Almost Report is officially seeking a musical mastermind to work the show's sound effects and intro music. Be it xylophone, hammer and gong, trashcan lid, or simply screeching cat, any individual who works an instrument, dresses snappily, and is willing to work for 0.00 geld or less can qualify for the position. No actual musical experience? Not a problem! Jussst drop by the broadcasting basement and show us watcha got, and we might be inclined to hire ya on the ssspot!"

 

Wyvern flashes a toothy grin to the cameras, then turns to a scrap of paper tacked on the skull-and-crossbones table. The overgrown lizard snaps a claw in the air, and the news box in the upper-righthand corner retains its red background and white "TNT" lettering.

 

"In further news, the sssupposedly sportive Pen month of May has been less-than-physically active, with pennites largely retreating to their reclusive nooks and crannies with good books and bad books (i.e textbooks). Then again, the Questersss are still at large, and rumor hasss been circulating of other sporting events in the works. Keep tuning into the Almost Report fer the latest scoops!"

 

Wyvern circles a claw in the air, and the news box in the righthand corner of the screen continues to portray a red background with white "TNT" letters across it. The overgrown lizard tilts his snout as he notices the lack of change on the screen, then breathes a sigh of frustration and removes his feet from the tabletop. He approaches the box with a grumble and raises a claw to see what's wrong with it this time, only to find that the red box is in fact a physical object suspended in midair. Wyvern frowns as he picks up a black cable connected to the bottom of the box, and sidesteps along the cable's length until he follows it off-screen...