Almost Report XII, Merciless Monday

[Wyvern]

The lights of the pirate broadcasting basement flicker on with the sound of many cheap lighters clicking at once. Wyvern slowly saunters into the chamber to the recording of a familiar off-key sports news guitar, his scaly face and snout dotted with numerous tiny bandages. The overgrown lizard sets his Almost Dragonic Brand Champion Razor Frisbee™ down on the messy tabletop, then turns to the news cameras with a slightly pained smirk.

 

"Hi once again, and welcome to another episode of the Almost Report. In this week's episode: will Whisky Hotshot Malone put the 'Hot' in the camera shot with another tantalizing outfit? But firssst, a little update on the Pen's sport-a-thon month and the various physical activities found there within."

 

Wyvern motions to someone off-set, and a news image box promptly appears in the upper-righthand corner of the screen. The box displays the noble and heroic faces of Sliver and Karinne for a moment, but the image goes squiggly and suddenly buzzes into a bout of static. Wyvern raises a brow at the distortion, then frowns as the image is replaced by that of a small, vaguely familiar room, which appears to be empty aside from a few crooked coat hangers.

 

"Sssorry folks, we seem to be experiencing a few technical difficulties." Wyvern grits his teeth and glares angrily at someone off-screen for a second, then turns back towards the cameras with a bright smile. "Well as I was going to say, the #1 sport this Pen seassson seems to be Questing, which is a great way to work your leg muscles while flexin' your dynamic heroism to boot. Apparently, Sliver of the famed Seven has embarked on the most recent Quest exercise, so participants may automatically qualify for a certain celebrity status. I hear Mr. Sliver ranks fairly highly amongst 'Pen hunks' these days in Orlan's absence, but will leave that scoop to Whisky's better judgement later in the report."

 

Wyvern nods and reaches down to snatch a report scribbled on a cribs note sheet, only to pause as he notices several cameramen turning their heads away from the news basement and standing aghast of something. The overgrown lizard frowns and slowly turns his head to glance up at the news image box, a growing sense of fear setting off several warning alarms in his mind. Still, nothing prepares the lizard for the sight of the troglyodyte undressing live in the news image box. Wyvern screams and covers his eyes with his claws, quickly turning away from the spectacle in the hopes of forever erasing the image of warted butt crack from his brain.

 

"Oh GAWD, I knew that room looked familiar... I am ssso truly sorry folks, really. Ugh *gurk*! Sorry, oh geeeeze, sssorry. Go figure, outta all the roomsss, it had to be the pirate news basement's dressing room that the damn box got stuck on."

 

Wyvern waits until a collective sigh of relief signals the departure of the troglyodyte from the dressing room, then exhales a massive breath of air and picks up the news item he'd been fishing for earlier.

 

"Sorry. *ahem* Anyway, up next, spectator sport enthusiasts will be treated to Ms. Hotshot Malone in another fine costume. Today, I thought we'd go for tennis shorts an-" Wyvern suddenly freezes and perks up as he comes to realization. The lizard stares wide-eyed at the report, then at the dressing room news box, then at the report, then at the dressing room news box, and finally back to the report again. The lizard bites his lip and bunches his claws together in the hopes of containing his excitement. "STAY TU-*ahem* S-s-stay tuned for an extra special Whisky Hotshot Malone presentation."

 

;-)