The Mighty News - 23 April 2007

[Wyvern]

Bob Soluberrin scoots his swiveling chair closer to the tidy news table as the lights of the cameras surrounding him begin flashing on in sequence. He taps his fingers along the shiny tabletop as the pre-recorded Mighty News Medley plays through its regularly-scheduled time slot, then picks up his paperwork from the table and faces the camera with a typically stern expression.

 

"Welcome to another evening of the Mighty News - the #1 source of Mighty Pen news for over 2 years to date." Bob nods and shuffles his news items in an orderly manner. "At the top of this evening's news: the Muse and Quill Café has issued an official roll call, which takes the form of a challenge set in an enchanted Iambic Pentameter zone of the Café. Reports indicate that those who enter within the limit lines of the zone find themselves forced to speak in strange poetic tongues, which can yield interesting results. Officials say that orcish upstart Norman the Runt is responsible for spearheading the event, though we have yet to recieve word of Norman's affiliation to the Café. Members of the Muse and Quill Café will of course wish to sign in, but all Pen members have been welcomed to join into the event."

 

Bob Soluberrin quietly clears his throat and turns to the next page of his news docket.

 

"In further news, rumors of illegal word-altering thematic formulas continue to circle the Pen. Details of these substances are sketchy at best, but should you come across them in the Cabaret Room, we at the Mighty News implore you to contact the appropriate authorities immediately so that these bio-literary weapons can be removed with haste. Loremaster Ozymandias has yet to issue a statement concerning these vocabulary health hazards, but we predict that the Pen will be bumped to 'Security Level Orange' shortly. More on this story as it developes."

 

Bob glances back down at his papers, shuffling through them and pausing as a make-up artist quickly strides across the newsroom towards his seat. The make-up artist raises a hand to the cameras and moves Bob's toupée a quarter of an inch to the left, then rushes back off the screen. Bob Soluberrin's stern expression remains fixed on his face the entire time.

 

"Wrapping up this evening's news on a more positive note: we at the Mighty News were somewhat surprised by the quality of Whisky Hotshot Mallone's reporting last week, which was exceptional for a novice unprofessional reporter such as herself. For those who missed it, Whisky offered a report on the natural habits of Chat Boxes, both when solitary and when in packs. While we won't be recruiting Whisky as a regular reporter on this show, we'd like to extend our thanks to her by offering her free access to our studios, including the newsroom, the soundroom, the cameraroom, the restroom, and the Anti-Almost Dragonic Pirate Broadcasting Crystal Ball enchantingroom. The keys have been sent your way, Whisky, so just let us know if you need any help understanding some of the tricks of the trade. You'll never be as good as we are, sport, but you should never stop striving for lofty goals! Aaah youth."

 

Bob Soluberrin sets down his paperwork and lets off a hint of a smile as the camera lights are turned off in sequence...