The Almost Repo-

[Wyvern]

A lo-fi banjo melody echoes in the sound systems of screens across the Pen as the camera focus switches to a familiar pirate broadcasting HQ. Wyvern hops his way towards the table wearing a sombrero with tiny pieces of geld-shaped paper attached to it, flapping his wings back and forth and stretching his tongue into a decorative basket that he carries. The overgrown lizard leans back into his seat and reaches into the basket, removing the piece of Mini-||' that his tongue remains stuck to and setting it on the table. Wyvern gives the cameras a slanted grin.

 

"Vwelcome, to another epitthhhode of th'Almottthhht Repore." Wyvern leans forward to give his tongue some relief, then waves a claw in the air. "Thhiiith evenin', we've got all sssortthhhs of surprithes in thtore! First, a look at th'hot intern front from yourth truly-"

 

The sound is suddenly cut off as screens across the Pen go black. After a buzzing akin to the slow switching of radio frequencies, the cameras fade back into focus to reveal a more formal newsroom setting. Bob Suloberrin shuffles an organized bundle of papers in his hands as the cameras circle his table to a triumphant news medley.

 

"Good evening." Bob Suloberrin smiles towards the camera. "Top of The Mighty News tonight: the notorious pirate broadcaster who has been interrupting these reports for the last few months has finally been stopped. Though the perpetrator remains at large, we have discovered the means through which he has been meddling with our regularly scheduled programming, and should be able to prevent him from doing so in the future. We apologize for the inconvenience, and hope that the pirate radio show hasn't upset too many sensitive Pen minds over the course of its duration."

 

Bob nods towards the camera, then pulls the next piece of paper from his packet.

 

"In further news this evening: garden gnomes across the Pen expressed their gratitude towards those who gave them a warm welcome at the closing of the Mighty Pen Garden Gnome Recreation Center yesterday. Those pennites who didn't have a chance to participate in this roll call should be happy to know that no Weenie Awards will be given out as a result of this event, but might be disheartened to hear that the Pen's garden gnome population will forever treat them with indifference for not showing up. We take you live to the scene of the Center, where garden gnomes have been reverting back to their original statued states. Kassie Kurazee with the report."

 

A live action news box appears in the upper-righthand corner of the screen, and a wildly disheveled Kassie turns towards the camera with a microphone. She starts to speak up, only to be interrupted by a bout of static within the news box. Bob turns his chair at the sight of the static and frowns, only to stare in disbelief as the image of a sombrero-sporting Wyvern appears in the box.

 

"Thhhhought ya could get rid of me, did ya?!" Wyvern cackles and claps his claws together. "Buy Almotht Dragonic Brand Garden Gnome Pretthhhh Kits™! Build yer own sssumoning gnome today - semi-reliable! Oh, and long as I'm on th'air, Happy B-day Tanuchan!"

 

Bob Suloberrin jumps out of his seat just as the screens are collectively reduced to static.

 

;-p