Wyvern Posted February 8, 2007 Report Share Posted February 8, 2007 I really like this story so far, Kikuyu. :-) The backstory involving the destruction of Vincent's village and the agonizing death of Laura is definitely the backbone of the piece, as the way it haunts Vincent throughout the story really gives him a history that the reader can sympathize with. I think the way you start the story off with the flaming wreck of his village is fantastic, and I also find your continual plot twists very entertaining to read. The cast of supporting characters is nice as well, with Myrn and Kida (he died in the Tower explosion, I take it??? ) standing out to me in particular. I also really like the way you paint vivid high fantasy settings and locations, as the places Vincent wanders always feel like their brimming with wonderous details (the magic forest bits actually remind me somewhat of Degorram's "Ire" story, so if you haven't read that I'd recommend checking it out!). The combination of technology and magic in the villain also intrigues me, and I'm looking forward to seeing what Vincent and Ander are up against in the thrilling continuation. ^_- In terms of possible things to improve: Vincent's attachments to new characters seem to happen a little too quickly for my tastes, mainly due to the story's very rapid timeframe. In the course of one day, Vincent meets everyone at the tower of Mythics, tests his skills with them, takes Dos's class, and then loses them that evening to the destructive storm. Vincent's concern over Laura feels a bit unrealistic to me given the very short time he's seen or spoken to her, and you might consider extending Vincent's stay at the Tower a bit longer before it blows up, whether it be through a few more scenes or just a few sentences stating how long he stays and trains there. Also, while Rufus was certainly an interesting character, it almost felt to me like he was from a different story and setting... the way he talked and carried himself felt a lot more like medieval fantasy than it did modern day mythics. Still, the amalgam of styles does make for an entertaining read... "a creature who looked like it had just jumped out of one of the fantasy novels his daughter had so loved" indeed! Good stuff, Kikuyu. :-) Thanks for sharing it with us here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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