Parade

[NickCall]

Parade

 

Dark Clouds,

Billowing over my head

Black Clouds

Raging inside of my mind

 

The water keeps rising,

Ebbing and flowing,

The conduits roaring

My doubts keep on growing

 

When it rains: It pours

Engulfed in the haze of this

When it drizzles: It storms

Drowning and dying and drifting in this

 

Sunlight,

An emblem of hope long lost.

Sunshine,

Her cheery warmth long forgot.

 

The water keeps rising,

Building, destroying,

This dam is exploding

My will keeps on dying.

 

When it rains, it pours

I can no longer fight this

When it drizzles; it storms

And Life’s postponed.

Edited October 17, 2006 by Memento Mori

[Wyvern]

I like this poem, Momento Mori. :-) The rising water metaphor works quite well in reflecting the emotional state of the narrator, and the violent images of rushing water set the tone of the piece nicely. I particularly like the positioning of the "When it rains: it pours" and "When it drizzles: it storms" lines in the two stanzas where they're incorporated, as the "pouring" to "storming" build-up seems to reflect the mounting emotions of the piece well. The title of the poem is also interesting, as the normally cheerful thought of a parade seems to refer to a relentless flooding here (it actually reminded me of the title of an upcoming CD by the Painkillers: "Hate Parade").

 

The one part of the poem I didn't care for as much was the Sunlight/Sunshine metaphor, which felt a little more typical than the rest of the piece and was stated rather bluntly. Perhaps if there was an adjacent metaphor for the dark clouds, it might work better... why are the clouds there in the first place?

 

Nicely done. Thanks for sharing this.

[NickCall]

Actually, I like that input.

 

I'll take that and run with it, see if I can't alter those lines involving sunlight.

 

My older themes, the ones I liked doing, were light-based themes. But the focus on this poem isn't so much the light, as you pointed out, but rather the element. Water is the focus.

 

Perhaps, and this might fit with a deeper meaning in the poem itself, is the ironic nature of water: That it is needed for life, but can take it as easily. Unless the impact of the brooding nature of the work would be hindered by such a break-up strain, so to speak.