Regel Posted September 30, 2006 Report Share Posted September 30, 2006 To me I am the moon, People see what they want. A light side that can guide, And dark side memories haunt Circling I make my rounds People set their clock Illuminating are my visits, Persuasive when I talk. Strafed and cratered as I am, Desolate and diurnal My cycle makes me wax and wane But I am definitely nocturnal. Silver silent shades of grey Lifeless as a stone I wait for another night to pass So I can lumber home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrenWind Posted October 4, 2006 Report Share Posted October 4, 2006 *smiles* cute Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valka D'Ur Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 Excellent imagery. The moon has a mysterious beauty all its own, if one knows how to search for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerulean Posted October 27, 2006 Report Share Posted October 27, 2006 *Howls in appreciation* I liked the gentleness of tone here, the slight sadness and the image of the moon lumbering home across the sky. Lovely stuff, thanks for sharing. C. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 I agree with the others that this is a very nice poem, Regel. :-) I think you use the moon metaphor effectively throughout, and that it's incorporated in an original and evocative way. I particularly like the stanza about being "Strafed and catered," as the shape and feel of the moon seem to relay emotional wounds and desolation well. I also really like the reference to people seeing what they want in you, though I wonder if the last line in the first stanza might work better as a seperate sentence beginning with "A"... something in the wording there bothers me, currently. Very well done, once again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regel Posted October 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 To me I am the moon, People see what they want. A light side that can guide, And dark side memories haunt I wonder Wyvern if I coud have simply changed this to read: To me I am the moon People see what they want. The light side that can guide, The dark side memories haunt. The change seems to improve the flow without disturbing the original thought. Thank you all for your kind words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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