"Corrosion" by Zadown

[Wyvern]

I recently read through this story and really liked it, Zadown. :-) It was written in an interesting manner that I wasn't really expecting from you, with a more of a focus on setting and a sort of fragmented feel to the various elements of plot. I like how you initially introduced Akshnâk Törhamnr as an indecipherable piece of orc dialect, and then later revealed that it was the name of the orc leader in Marchello's letter. The level of detail was excellent as usual, particularly in the descriptions of Zeitgeist, Receptionist, Man-At-Arms, Abjurer, Elaborator and Liar. Their elaborate masks and odd walks really made them stand out in my mind. I also really liked the scene where "Brightblade" revealed the mystic Tarot cards to Esphar, as the exchanges between them seemed very characteristic of the Dreamer. The writing of this story felt like it was striving to do something artistic with language, and the bleak picture that you painted of the setting and fate of the tower were well done.

 

While the switching points of view in this story were interesting, I felt that they fragmented the story and made it difficult to read at points. The central points of view from "Brightblade" and Faaye were very well placed, but I didn't feel that the points of view of Jankiize or Badger were necessary. The post about Jankiize doesn't seem to be connected to the story, and the brief glimpse of Badger's point of view confused me as I initially thought it was Brightblade. I also didn't understand why Badger wanted to curse the Dreamer, though it could be an element of his character that I missed. Finally, I was a bit uncertain as to why the Dreamer decided to hang out with these soldier guys in the first place. Faaye mentioned that he was sort of playing the "King o' Ants," so was he just getting his kicks out of being a badass around humans?

 

Anyway, great stuff as usual. :-) I'll be sure to check out "H4x" and any other stories you have in the works.