Memories of Denmark

[Psimon]

Difficult to transmit,

with a long incubation period,

it was challenging to determine

where or when the disease was contracted.

I suspect it may have been when we met.

 

Mother and daughter:

two common forms.

The mother produced sores,

though the daughter

was potentially the more severe –

difficult to comprehend

how that could be possible.

 

Symptoms: numbed fingers and toes,

muscle weakness - a lack of backbone -

leading to loss of all sensation.

A slow but painless death of the soul.

There, but for the Grace of God, go I.

 

© 2006

Edited August 30, 2006 by Psimon

[Wyvern]

Good poem, Psimon. :-) I really like the tone that you used for this piece, as it felt like a scientific diagnosis of a relationship and struck me as very original and evocative. Your word choice was similarly very well done, with the interesting scientific terminology like "incubation" and "Symptoms" standing out to me in particular. The underlying emotions of the piece were also strongly conveyed. The one stanza that I thought could be refined a bit more was the second stanza, as the last two lines of it didn't seem to add much to the poem in my opinion. The fifth line of the second stanza might also be shortened a bit, perhaps by either dropping "potentially" or "the."

 

Definitely a good poem, Psimon. :-) The consistant tone and phrasing stood out, and the emotions of the piece were nocely conveyed. Well done!

[Cerulean]

Hey there,

 

I liked this a lot Psimon. I thought the dispassionate commentary heightened the content without ever becoming predictable or mawkish. Very skilfully done - thanks for posting!

 

Looking forward to reading more of your writing, C.