Putting out the fire

[Psimon]

In the dust-speckled sunlight

of an empty room once filled

with things that carried memories

of whole days,

I hold the receiver

like a drowning man

clings to a passing leaf.

 

I know the leaf will not keep me

from slipping under

but I cannot lightly bring myself

to let it float away.

 

What we had wasn’t love -

just a second-string shadow

slipping past us

in the lights of the motorway.

 

A flickering street-lamp,

a match in a tempest,

without the slightest hope

of setting the world alight.

 

I wipe my eyes.

It’s better to drown

than light a fire with gasoline.

Edited August 28, 2006 by Psimon

[Wyvern]

Very good poem, Psimon. :-) The similes and metaphors that you used throughout it were excellent, and the nostalgic imagery they evoked was very striking and well-worded. I particularly liked the images that dealt with hopelessness, as the lines about the drowning man clinging to the leaf and the match unable to light any sort of fire definitely set the tone of the piece.

 

In terms of potential things to improve, I felt that the explanation in the second stanza didn't add much to the poem, since it's common knowledge that a leaf can't save a person from slipping under the water. Potential ways to correct this might be to either drop the first two lines of the second stanza and alter the other lines accordingly, or simply to drop the second stanza altogether. The only other nitpicking point that caught my attention was the use of "It's" in the final stanza, which made the line sound too much like a distant factual piece of information in an otherwise personal poem for my taste.

 

Great stuff, once again. :-) Thanks for sharing this piece, Psimon.