yochva Posted February 14, 2006 Report Share Posted February 14, 2006 (edited) Hey... I'm getting lonely... doesn't anyone have anything to say? Can you tell I like one-word titles? On second thought, probably not, seeing as how you've only seen two. ANYWAY, this was written because I used the word in a recent poem, and decided to write about True Apathy - the total lack of emotion or caring. At least, that's my definition. Or partly. Let's stop rambling now, and get to the story, sound like a good idea? Yeah, I think so too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Get him inside!" "My baby, my poor boy, ooohhh!" "Ma'am, stop screaming please, you're not helping!" "Sir, his heart rate's dropped!" What's going on? I suppose someone's hurt or some such. That's what they always show on the 'desperate measures' TV shows, anyway. I try to sit up and open my eyes, but pain explodes all around my torso. Oh. Right. That. "Sir, he's conscious!" "Move! Get to the OR!" "Sir, he's still bleeding! His spine – " Why would they need to rush? Who would need such urgent care that… I try to open my eyes again, but they refuse to comply and I soon give up – it's not worth the bother. Huh. I must be dreaming again, my body's not usually so stubborn. "Oh, my poor boy, he's – " "Ma'am, you can't come here – " "Sir? He's – " Why are they yelling? What's to yell about? Who – oh right, me. But why? Well, the logical conclusion would be that I'm dying. But isn't your life supposed to flash before your eyes or whatever? I can't even remember my name. Maybe that's best, if it's taking this long. At least it doesn't hurt. "Sir, he's fading!" "Move! Out of the way!" "His heart's failing!" "Internal organs failing, internal bleeding and hemorrhaging, blood poisoning!" You know how when you close your eyes you see sparkles and patterns? I can't. Isn't that funny, it's totally dark. Sort of peaceful, really. No distractions. What would I be distracted from? Nothing is happening anyway… "Sir, his vitals – " "Ma'am, please, you – " "Doctor, DO something!" "We're losing him…" "Sir!" Huh. They don't seem to be so loud anymore – maybe they're finally going away. I'm quite tired, really. Maybe I'll take a nap. Maybe when I wake up again they'll have left, and I can just rest, you know? Must remember to complain about… ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sorry the narrations are so short, I promise they looked a LOT longer in my notebook... Edited February 16, 2006 by Evangeline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 I like the way that the panic of the doctors and mother is contrasted with the narrator's own calmness, though there isn't really much choice involved in the narrator's attitude given his state of confusion and partial amnesia. The sense of apathy might be driven across stronger if the narrator was in a position where he had a choice to be apathetic, rather than being forced into the state by natural causes. An apathetic attitude seems to be hinted at through the reference to "Desperate Measures," which works well since it suggests that the narrator only experiences life through television, but there are no other indications of him being apathetic before the accident forced his mind into a state of apathy. Still, it is an interesting subject to write about, and I do like the way that the calm of the narrator's mind is juxtaposed with the panic of the other people. Oh, and for the record: we don't have any requirements on length or roughness here at the Pen, so no need to fret about a piece not being long or not being a finished product. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yochva Posted February 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 Oops, I missed seeing this. Sorry. Thanks for the review! I sort of agree with you, I'll try and work something in about the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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