Wyvern Posted December 14, 2005 Report Share Posted December 14, 2005 I'm liking how the prologue of your story is shaping up so far, Big Pointy One. :-) The plot seems to be advancing nicely, and Stahl's character seems to be easy to sympathize with. I particularly liked the post detailing the first encounter of Stahl and Aemi, as the situation struck me as very human and Revelat's presence added an interesting element to their interactions. I'm looking forward to seeing how the story developes, and am interested in seeing how Stahl's story will connect with Stick's origins. In terms of potential improvements for what you have so far, I wouldn't mind seeing a bit more scene in the first segment, with more details about the people in Stahl's batallion. I was not sure if the second post summarizing the goblin battle was really needed, as I think you could start the next part of the prologue with the victory celebration and reference details from the battle to achieve the same effect. My last little piece of nitpicking is that Revelat's speech to the soldiers struck me as a bit of a "typical fantasy war captain pre-battle seminar," and you might want to add some odd or quirky detail to it to make it a bit more original. Once again, very well done so far. :-) I look forward to seeing what you've got in store for the continuation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamaranis Posted August 17, 2006 Report Share Posted August 17, 2006 Clearly this can't be a fantasy story as a marauding horde of orcs have yet to pwn raze any villages to the ground. Seriously though, updates for the win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Big Pointy One Posted August 19, 2006 Report Share Posted August 19, 2006 7 Months later: Thanks for the criticism (positive) Wyv, I agree on all counts. Perhaps if I think of some better ideas, I'll go back and flesh it all out. That speech *is* a bit cliche, and the battle part was a bit weak. I like the idea of telling it through the perspective of revelling soldiers. Tam: oh, there will be orcs. Will they pwn any villages? Well, you'll have to wait and see. Maybe you should update your story, and I might be encouraged to update mine more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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