Felidae

[Cerulean]

An appreciation:

 

I wanted to post and say how very much I enjoyed reading this. Perhaps I'm predisposed to respond positively to any writing which includes cats, but this was certainly a beautifully painted piece to my eye.

 

The economy of the first paragraph was admirable, given the descriptive bounty within. I loved the concept and execution of the lynx, the boundaries of its influence and the definition and method of its existence. I thought you pinned down the cat's movement, purpose and manner effortlessly. Your language, like the creature, carrying the conceit forward. (Although I'm well aware that writing that appears effortless is frequently the child of devout labour.)

 

'not caring of the glimpses various mortals on various planes had of him'

 

I would say 'not caring about' here, to match what I see as your intended meaning, although the word fits the sentence less gracefully being polysyllabic. You could also say 'not caring for', but I think this gives the sentence a negative slant, rather than the uninterested one you described originally.

 

The second paragraph contains my favourite line of the entire passage, I think. 'The whiteness was natural, the dirty white of snow and ice, of wintry rabbits and drifting clouds.' This sentence captures the essence of the cat's appearance for me. The loveliness of the language lies in its simplicity and rhythm. Thank you. I wish I'd written that. Another deft word-selection I wanted to pick out was 'scarce' in the preceding line, nice choice. For me it is through such linguistic precision that effective imagery is built.

 

I've been long pondering your choice of the phrase 'hinted to'. You know how it is when you see subtle writing, you consider whether the language, slanted slightly askance, was a deliberate grammar blur. I understand your meaning completely, but still want to read hinted at or hinted toward. The first is the grammatical norm, the second I can't explain, just that it seems to fit better. I don't think I've ever seen the phrase hinted to to mean suggest, so it delayed me in my reading.

 

By the end of the second paragraph I felt that you'd expertly characterised the cat and the realm through which it moved. I especially enjoyed the impressionistic sweep of the periphery, solidifying only as the lynx travelled nearer to the core. Your writing was tight, careful without being self-conscious and very poetic in places. Your instinct with the auditory properties of language is apparent too. This piece benefits from being read aloud, providing another layer to enjoy alongside this reader's appreciation of the visual scenes you seek to represent.

 

When I moved onto and through the Grail Glade, I appreciated the contrast of course and was intrigued by the man sitting there. I liked the phrase 'his mouth half-open as if he had been about to say something for a long time, now.' I read a preoccupation where time's passing was external and insignificant. I thought you broke the rapture naturally and intelligently..

 

The subsequent interchanges between the people drew me less powerfully than the padding cat. I am certain the fault here is with my knowledge and preferences, however, and not your writing. I need to gen up on my Dreamer history to slot all characters into appropriate places. Perhaps then I'll have a keener understanding and appreciation. My final favourite phrase has to be 'drafted onto empty air'. Once more simple, but beautifully telling.

 

Again, thank you for sharing your work.

Edited April 8, 2005 by Cerulean

[Zadown]

I agree about the "of" -> "about" change - it is only through tiny errors like this that one can notice the fact english is not my primary language, heh. Wouldn't use "did not care for" because of the implied negative emotion, yes. Edited Felidae as well.

 

As I've already said, I'm glad if my hastily written sketch managed to tap into such reserves of my skill and vision that it managed to do something I did not expect: amuse others.

[Cerulean]

I'm humbled by the talent of so many Pen members, especially those writing in their second language. Your tiny prepositional errors may distinguish you as a non-native speaker, but your artistry and competence distinguish you with altogether more fanfare as an extremely skilled writer.

 

Thank you for 'sketching'.

 

C.