Katzaniel Posted October 15, 2004 Report Share Posted October 15, 2004 Did you see aliens in the Library? Have you recently found evidence that Zool is hiding a harem in his rubber chicken? Has it been discovered that Gyrfalcon and Salinye are really long-lost siamese twins? Even if no one else believes it - we do! Submit your article here, and we'll publish it in the next issue of the Mighty Pen Enquirer! OOC: Got a wacky and entertaining tidbit, along the lines of something that might be written in one of those crazy newspapers, about the pen? Post it here, and we'll all have a good laugh. Creating the story just for this thread is highly encouraged, as is ratting out your fellow Pennites on all sorts of scandalous things that never really happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yui-chan Posted October 15, 2004 Report Share Posted October 15, 2004 Hmm... where did this idea come from? Since the (hopefully numerous) additions to this thread will be collaborative works of amusing fiction (except for the ones about Katz, which will undoubtedly prove true to the last, thus be strictly nonfiction), I moved it to the Conservatory. Any stories about yours truly will be handled in a power-hungry and vicious way*, however please proceed to write mind-boggling tales of debauchery on such Pennite prominences as Orlan, Peredhil, Finnius and the ever-lovely Annael. Will you give out bonus points to articles harassing our newer and more vulnerable members, Katz? >:} Ever Supportive, ~Yui * 'power-hungry and vicious' = BAHLETED! *Katz glares a bit and brandishes her spear*... okay, just kidding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnarlitch Posted October 15, 2004 Report Share Posted October 15, 2004 KATZ ACTUALLY AN ALIEN SPECIES! YES! You heard me correctly! Katz, so called feline personnae at the The Mighty Pen is actually an alien species! How else can you explain the all night drinking binges without a hangover? The Phalanx of ferocious fictitious felines that accompany her every move? THE LACK OF HAIRBALLS?!?!?! Nothing else can explain it. So, we here at the Pen Enquirer put out an inquiry. We sent out feelers and vast hordes of peons (well, actually only one peon in the mail room, who shall remain nameless). And what did we find? Let me tell you!! We found hair! Masses and masses of hair! And absolutely NONE of it came from any species known to modern day science. Our esteemed DNA ayalyst and gofer, Dr. Schwineherdtz, performed and excruciatingly detailed study, including the most exacting DNA study known to man on every single hair found in Katz residence. It was exhausting research (we do apologize for the numerous pay-per-view movies charged on her satellite account) but our conclusions were abolutely, positively inconclusive! SHE IS NOT FROM THIS PLANET! The most damning bit of evidence of all we found in her personal home movie collection, cleverly disguised as a fictional children's story. It detailed the first visit of her kind to Earthin modern times. They came in search of a power source some 40 or 50 years ago. These "space felines" were able to not only talk but also had strange and powerful magical abilities accessible through their collars! Worst of all, they even discovered the ability to interbreed with our earth-born species of felines and corrupt them. Word on the street has it that they are building a Cat Army and have plans for world domination through mind control of their human handlers! Then, once they have enough power on earth, militants of their society will fly here through space in their cat-head-shaped flying saucers to take humans back to their home planet as slaves to work in their massage parlors and restraunts. Protect yourselves now! You MUST rid yourselves of all cats in your posession! In order to accomplish this, make yourself a brain protecting helmet out of a steel mixing bowl and some tinfoil. this has been proven usefull in blocking harmfull attempts at mind control. SAVE YOURSELVES!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katzaniel Posted October 16, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2004 (edited) GOT AN ITCHY ASSASSIN? Recent evidence has led to the conclusion that Gnarlitch, a dwarf who has come within the last year to the sanctuary of the Mighty Pen keep, may actually be waiting to attempt an assassinaion. Word is, he keeps company with wolves and other killers, often bragging about his escapades in a dangerous game that mimics real-life murderings and lynchings. Nevertheless, he may have gone undetected if it were not for the sounds coming from his lair, discovered by a harmless dragonlike creature. This witness explored further, only to find hundreds of prisoners chained to the walls. They had not been fed for weeks, and when we found them, they were so distraught that they actually attacked us! Still, we pursued, and the prisoners have admitted to overhearing plans of Gnarlitch, code name Itchy, to take out one of the elder dwarves and take his place. It could not be determined which one was the intended victim, and Itchy's ways are so insiduous that he may already have begun his evil plan! It's possible that a magical poison has been used, and we suspect that it might spread. Gnarlitch probably wants to take out the entire eldership along with the dwarves! So watch out, don't trust anyone, and don't drink anything until we can rid the Pen of this menace! OOC: I wasn't going to dole out "points", but extra brownie points for spending the time to learn about and effectively harass a new pennite. Edited October 16, 2004 by Katzaniel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xaious, Master of Time Posted October 16, 2004 Report Share Posted October 16, 2004 The Divine Insurrection of Cat Kind Actually DOES Exist! Once the esteemed DNA ayalyst Dr. Schwineherdtz Determined that Katz was in all truths an alien, and the rumors of a veritable Cat Army came in, we sent our number one reporter, Charles Herdtzenschwine, to investigate. You would not believe what he discovered. Herdtzenschwine started his search in Katz's residence, finding cleverly hidden connections to what could only be described as 'a truckload of felines.' Over the course of a week, Charles Herdtzenschwine uncovered more information, eventually leading him to a certain well-known member of the Pen--a group concidered by most to be nothing more than a simple internet cult, who denied all accusations. He claimed that 'I am not asssssociated with thessssse...catsssssss.... ' However, he did not deny any cult activities. Yet though he claims no connection to the Insurrection, a closer look revealed that much of this scaly villains clothing was in fact covered in cat hair. Herdtzenschwine also discovered a calling card for a shady figure going by the name of 'B.' After much searching, Herdtzenschwine located a hideout of the persona called 'B'. What he found was unbelievable: Fliers and pamphlets for the Divine Insurrection of Cat Kind and the untimely residue of a few specific magics. Although we are currently having the magical residue analyzed, we are certain as to the existence of this Cat Army. Be cautious, as the Divine Insurrection of Cat Kind is a ruthless order: many rat and mouse skeletons were found alongside the fliers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryptomancer Posted October 18, 2004 Report Share Posted October 18, 2004 (edited) Breaking News A spokes canine from the CIA (Canine Investigative Authority) today announced that they had a new lead in the fight against the Furriest Organisation the 'Divine Insurrection of Cat Kind.' The spokes canine had this to say,"The use of anthropomorphic personifications has long been suspected in the operations of this Furriest organisation. Thanks to the hard work of many agents we finally have the proof needed to seek the arrest and conviction of our main suspect." The spokes canine discribes the suspect as a demonic serial killer that stalks the rodent poputation killing with a complete lack of remorse. The suspect dresses in a deeply hooded cloak and carries a sythe, and although is often seen as a skeletal rodent, his true appearance is unknown. The CIA went on to urge all Pennites to be on the lookout for hooded persons carrying sythes, and to report any rodent deaths to the authorities as soon as possible. Edited October 18, 2004 by cryptomancer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryptomancer Posted October 18, 2004 Report Share Posted October 18, 2004 (edited) Evangelising Brittany Never since the dawn of rock and roll has backmasking of music tracks been linked to such a horrific missuse of subliminal messages. The Mighty pen has recently welcomed a Religious Fannatic into its very keep. The Musicevangelist, as this fannatic is known is now free to hand out samples of music to all who sought safety from the evils of pop music in the world. Our reporter, Violet Swinger, has been obtaining and playing the sample music from this source. Her discoveries have shocked us all. Playing the music in the normal way has produced a growing desire to listen to pop music, regardless of the diverse musical tastes that this fannatic proclaimes. Playing the tracks backwards on our "backmask player" we discovered the unimaginable. Horrified listeners at our offices fainted and threw up upon hearing the unmistakable abomination that is 'Brittany'. We urge you not to listen to the music handed out by this Fannatical Nut, as it is obviously intended to destroy the minds of all that listen, or turn us into complete 'cheerleaders'. Our thanks to Almost Dragonic Brand™ for the use of 'Almost Dragonic Brand Subliminal Message Players™' in our investigations. Edited October 18, 2004 by cryptomancer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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